bpadilla49...sucks doesn't it? I get where you are. It's awful to be in that in between stage where you need the relief of knowing that nothing is wrong with you, but you can't bring yourself to the place where you "risk" the slight possibility of finding out something awful, so you just decide to stay stuck. To sit with it for days, months, years, decades...hoping, wishing, praying that the symptoms will disappear and that something will provide relief. But they never do. They stick around, because our minds are ill. The pathways in our brain that focus on symptoms and on death and despair are worn so deep, like a path through a thick forest, that we can't escape. I am as you are, I want to go jump head first into an MRI and I can't bring myself to do it. So I sit. And I wait. Some days are okay, some even good, most are not. I wait for the worst to happen, and I wish that I were not this way. I get where you are, with the brooding, the worry, the anxiety, the deep sadness, the hopelessness, and the wish for normalcy (whatever that is). I have no words of wisdom for you. I have no solutions to your problems. Because they are my problems too. I just merely wanted to express to you, that you're not alone. You're not unique in this worry and fear based existence. And I'm hopeful that just knowing that there is someone else out there that is as you are will provide a small amount of solace in what seems like a deep unrelenting ocean of uncertainty. I don't know anything about you, but I will share something with you that is very personal to my life. What gets me through my worst days, is the hope of something better. I am deeply spiritual and know that this is not what I was put here to do. I wasn't meant to live this way. This isn't the center of my story. I know that there are better days to come because I believe that no human life is meant to suffer as their norm. I believe in God and in the love that he has for me and for all of us, and I hope that my faithfulness is met with mercy and that with hard work I will come out of the other side of this. Even better than before. I've struggled with this all of my life, and over the last 15 years especially. I have to find hope in the fact that I've had symptoms of impending doom for decades, and I'm still here typing to you. When I'm at my lowest, these are the things that help me.