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Author Topic: I think my family makes my anxiety worse...please help.  (Read 224 times)

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Offline shaula

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I think my family makes my anxiety worse...please help.
« on: June 02, 2014, 08:16:05 PM »
Hello, everyone.

I have never posted under this topic before, but I feel it is more closely related to the issue I am troubled by right now, which is that I think my family makes my anxiety worse.

Here is a little bit of background on my current situation. I am 22 years old, and I graduated college about three weeks ago. I was very happy about that. It seemed like my parents wanted me to move back home when I finished school, so I came back about a week ago. I did it mostly because I want to be there to help my family and take care of my parents, but not really because I wanted to be back in their house.

Truth be told, I actually do not like being here at all. My mother has issues of her own that she refuses to acknowledge. She is passive-aggressive and doesn't really speak her mind. And when you push her, she can get very, very mean. We have 14 dogs in the house because my mom wanted them, and they are poorly trained. They dig through trash, pee and poo on the floor, and make a mess everywhere. It is horrible.

My father, on the other hand, is....I don't know how to describe him in any other way than to say he's...pushy. He harbors very intense religious beliefs. He does not believe in mental illness, and when I tried to tell him I was sad, he told me I needed to pray more.

There is more, but that is enough background. After I was diagnosed with anxiety two years ago, I left home to finish school. Now that I am done, I have been at home for maybe a week and a half, and I realize why I left. I feel more anxious and stressed out being here. I have not been sleeping well at night, I have not been eating well, and I have been feeling horrible. I feel shaky and weak, and I have developed this twitch under my left eye, along with muscle twitching in other parts of my body. I have no privacy here, either: when my parents built this house, they decided not to put a lock on my door. I don't know why, because I was always too scared to get in trouble to misbehave.

So, I was recently called for a job interview in another city about four hours up the road. It isn't a bad job, and in a place where I can go to school and work, too. When I told my mom this, intending to get her advice and suggestions, she said, "Well, I make more money and I don't commute," with a laugh. I think she is mad because she wants me at home, but I do not want to be here. Her response really upset me. I didn't know what to say.

I am sorry for the rather long post, I really wanted to get this off my chest, as nobody here will listen to me... :traurig001:

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Offline thependragon81

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Re: I think my family makes my anxiety worse...please help.
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2014, 01:00:43 PM »
Hi Shaula,

I have some of the same issues with my parents and I think I understand where your coming from.

I'm 32 and moved back in with them because of my own health problems and because they were noticeably getting older I thought they needed help around the house. It seemed like a scenario where the 3 of us could help each other.

However, my mother has had her own health problems, probably caused by anxiety and stress, (although she'd never admit it) and I'd forgotten how stressful it can be being around her. My father has now retired, and is finding that difficult. He's also got a poor memory, worries about dementia (but is probably just depressed) and is of a generation that can be very dismissive of mental health problems. When I started to get nervous twitching, chest & back pain and tried to talk of being stressed and anxious, my parents simply suggested I should snap out of it and enjoy life. Believe me I've tried!

I'm left feeling guilty for thinking about leaving or criticising them for my problems. However, I'm beginning to believe if you want to get away from these sorts of problems you need to start being more selfish and just think of yourself. Of course, when it means breaking away from family, its easier said that done.

Sorry, as that probably doesn't really help but I hope things work out for you.
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Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: I think my family makes my anxiety worse...please help.
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2014, 03:28:22 AM »
I've learned the hard way that the advice from your parents isn't always the best advice for you. Mine did help steer me in the right direction during my younger years, but as I got older (I'm 32) I found their advice could have cost me a good bit of money in the long run.

It's hard to explain in text... But your parents words also have a strange way of going straight to your heart faster than anyone else's. It's easier to brush off the words of a stranger, a friend, or an angry ex. My mom has this harsh way of discounting my college and career accomplishments the same way your mom does - by comparing to her own. (She's an rn)

I've tried at length to discuss my anxiety with my folks, especially with my moms medical background. Unfortunately they do what yours did... Ignore it. Moms great advice is to just "get over it", and my dad sympathizes and says he understands it's tough, but that's about it.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct and do what's in your best interest. Nobody looks after you better than, you!
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Offline tinam7

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Re: I think my family makes my anxiety worse...please help.
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2014, 01:01:19 PM »
I am of your parents' generation and can tell you I am completely with you. Parents put children into this world and so need to be there to help them. Not, necessarily, the reverse. I know this can be construed as a radical, possibly callous position, but it has been my staunch view from way back.

Some parents wallow in the power trip parenthood gives them. Never mind all that love talk. True love is selfless, not selfish. Children are generally powerless, often made to feel guilty and beholden to parents and to others, ahead of themselves. Whom does this help? Possibly no-one.
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Offline TyeDyedButterfly

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Re: I think my family makes my anxiety worse...please help.
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2014, 01:16:53 PM »
My Family has drained me for years since my childhood it has NEVER stopped and they still are but sadly their health is bad now and most of it isn't their fault but wow growing up what a mess and even into my adult years they still just didn't have it together along with my siblings.

I had to get away from them for many years but I did still visit and call but they took and took and still are knowing I am not well myself physically and mentally but I keep doing my best but NO WAY would I ever live with one of them or any family member or even a friend I been down that road too I have always been the one out there working and owning my own home and cars and doing it all but then I crashed because of my family!

14 Dogs is just wild in the house sorry and I don't mean to be offending I just mean wow 14 now if they took care of them and made sure they were well trained and not using the house for a yard to poop in it would be different but still you would need a big home for 14 dogs and no wonder your anxiety came back I couldn't live in that mess.

You really need to live your own life you are way to young for this and it doesn't mean you don't love them or worry about them but you have to think of your own future and I would tell my own children the same thing go out and work and live life I will be just fine and I wouldn't expect my children to take care of me I would feel so guilty .

Hope things get better for you but don't let it go to far where you can not get out and away.
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