I was going to post but SJ joined in to say what I was going to say except I feel for kids, had my own, and think they deserve the best we have to give them. They don't ask to be born. We put them into this world and want to do all we can to help them, always.
Your admission that you need help goes a long way to getting better. You want to summon your will and determination to help yourself. This can be with a therapist, with some light meds, with self-help books, with support groups, with CBT and its components of journaling, varied exercise, reading, thinking, meditating, etc. You will enjoy learning about yourself. And your boy will be so happy to have the good role model he needs and deserves.