i went to the library by myself an hour ago and i was having anxiety before i left but i forced myself to go anyways. i got there and i noticed that i was feeling like i wasnt really there and like everything didnt seem real but again i forced myself to go inside. i go to the section where i think the book is at and i start to feel nervous, im feeling lightheaded, faint, my heart is beating way faster like i just ran a mile, and im getting a little dizzy. im freaking out thinking somethings wrong with me and that im going to pass out any minute around all these strangers. so i leave the section and start towards the exit, halfway there and i turn around, feeling angry with myself telling myself that this is not going to win. i go back and im standing there looking for the book but i cant find it. standing there i feel the anxiety getting worse and finally i decide to leave without a book. i feel defeated and im still having anxiety at home. i felt fine a few days back but the anxiety returned and its worse now than it was before it went away. ive never had anxiety this bad when going out. im planning on going outside later as a revenge kind of thing haha.
also, i was reading youtube comments on a anxiety video and a lot people were saying that theyve passed out because of the attack. it scared me a little and now my mind added that to my fears.