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Author Topic: Scared of EVERYTHING right now and completely losing it  (Read 214 times)

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Offline mollyfin

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Scared of EVERYTHING right now and completely losing it
« on: May 30, 2014, 12:09:11 AM »
Current worries:

- Lymphoma, well-documented worry here.  Giant node under my arm that the doctor says doesn't "feel" cancerous and to come back in a few months if it's still growing.  Have developed chest pain and shortness of breath. 

- Thyroid cancer - actually a legitimate concern.  I had biopsies last year and they came back benign but my nodules are pretty much textbook for thyroid cancer, and FNAs aren't reliable in nodules my size (they're massive and uncomfortable). 

- Melanoma.  I have a lot of weird-looking moles.  A couple documented here, and recently the small dark mole on my thumb disappeared to be replaced with a slightly painful pink nodule thing.  Also, I scratched off what I thought was a weird growth on my arm earlier this year and it grew back basically immediately and now has a dark spot in the center.  I'm also just covered in new moles lately.  All tiny but still new. 

- Ovarian or colon cancer.  Pelvic pain after eating.  Realize it's probably gas and/or recurring endometriosis. 

Sometimes I just feel so completely helpless and hopeless I just lie around crying.  I don't know how the hell to deal with anything.  Therapy has never been helpful for me in the past, and I've had years upon years of experience with it.  I've tried nearly every medication out there.  I've tried to find a therapist with a history of treating hypochondria but no luck yet.  And I feel like it won't help me anyway until I've made sure I'm healthy.  But maybe that's just my brain not working right. 
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Offline PsalmSeven

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Re: Scared of EVERYTHING right now and completely losing it
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2014, 01:14:15 AM »
That's how I've been this week too--scared of everything! Yesterday I even developed a sudden fear of blindness, just becauses I accidentally looked at the sun for half a second and thought the "blind spot" in my eyes lingered for too long. I was almost in tears even an hour after it went away. It's crazy, but the feelings and fears are very real. :/

About thyroid cancer, my doctor and another doctor who's treating my aunt both say it's the easiest kind of cancer to cure. My aunt's doctor said that if he had to get any kind of cancer he'd want it to be thyroid. That was kind of strange to hear, but I guess the docs know what they're talking about. It's helped me to be a bit less afraid of it.

As for pelvic pain, maybe another thing it could be is a harmless ovarian cyst? I've heard they can cause pain but they usually go away on their own after a few weeks or months. My doctor thinks I might have them because of a slight ache I've been having off and on. I'm going to be checked out in a couple weeks...  And yeah, the voice in the back of my head is telling me to worry about that test... But it hasn't quite overtaken me yet. I'm putting up a good fight, for now.

While talking with my doctor today the subject of anxiety came up. I mentioned that I wasn't sure how much of a role it can play in causing actual physical symptoms, and as soon as I said that her eyes got big and she said oh yeah, it plays a big role. I'm thinking the chest pain and shortness of breath you're experiencing might be caused by anxiety. Based on other peoples' stories, that seems to be one of the most common manifestations. Either way I'm sure it's nothing serious. You're going to be fine.

Whatever you do, don't give up fighting HA, because that's the number one enemy. Fear can take a perfectly healthy person and reduce them to a state even worse than that of someone who actually does have a disease. I haven't found the cure yet either, but I know there is a better way to live. I'm determined to get there eventually!
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