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Author Topic: HA and "passing" it on to the kids  (Read 148 times)

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Offline kcg13

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HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« on: May 28, 2014, 11:19:30 PM »
Hi there.  I really need some input.  My HA is mostly under control - meaning I don't have it daily, but I still do get it maybe weekly, usually no panic, but mostly appears as self-checking - self-checking usually myself but sometimes my kids.  (I have a 5 and 3 year old).  As my main HA issue is cancer, the self-checking is usually lump or gland or asymmetry related.  The problem is, my youngest is starting to exhibit the early stages of this.  Being concerned about boo-boo's.  Asking "what is this?" on his skin, etc.  I really do NOT want to pass this on to him.  If I am concerned about myself, or self-checking, I try not to do it in front of my kids.  I struggle hard not to check my kids - to the point where if I am really mentally weak, I don't even want to bathe them!  (have my husband do that!)  Because I am afraid I will "see" something.  Now, as I said, this is not an every single day thing, but it is happening and looks like it is influencing my youngest.  I need some advice please!  I don't wish HA on anyone and really don't want him to get it from watching me, but I really struggle with the self-checking.  Any advice on how to keep this away from the kids???  Thank you so much.
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

Offline xxAmyxx

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Re: HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2014, 09:32:18 AM »
I wish I had some words of advice! I know that my anxiety was passed on to me from my mom (who go it from her mom). My anxiety mostly manifests itself as HA. She never did anything that I can think of, it was just in genes. I try not to be paranoid about HA around my kids, their teachers say they are doing great in school but usually use the word "anxiety" to describe some of the things they do. Ugh!
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Offline kcg13

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Re: HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2014, 09:59:23 PM »
xxAmyxx - thank you for your reply.  I am sure this is in the genes (anxiety) but I am hoping my bad HA habits don't rub off on my son.  I feel like I try to be cautious but it seems like he is still somehow picking up on my words and subtle actions.  I really don't want him to get this type of anxiety.  HA can just be so hard.  Your post does make me hopeful.  Although they may exhibit some "anxiety," it doesn't seem like your kids have HA or an extreme form of anxiety - at least from what you wrote - like it doesn't affect the quality of their lives.  If that is how it could be for my kids, I could handle that.  Thank you for taking the time to reply.
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

Offline ShawnW

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Re: HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2014, 10:05:14 PM »
My eldest, 12 yo has picked up some of my bad habits.  I'm sure I have displayed OCD behaviors around them.  I wish I had an answer for you.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline kcg13

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Re: HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2014, 10:13:25 PM »
Thank you for the reply ShawnW.  I am sorry to hear that your child has picked up some of these habits.   I think it is almost an unconscious thing - I know it can be with me.  I guess if there really was an answer then this generational anxiety stuff would have ended a long time ago.   :(  I figured it was worth a try to see what I could learn.  Thank you for taking the time to reply.
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

Offline tinam7

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Re: HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2014, 07:47:38 AM »
Children are like sponges absorbing everything. No need to pass on our concerns. The problem, as I see it, is that there is far too much awareness of all that can possibly go wrong.

Maybe you can try CBT, relaxation exercises such as yoga and tai chi which even little ones can do and forget about all that the advertisers want us to know. Yes, can be done.
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Offline kcg13

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Re: HA and "passing" it on to the kids
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2014, 02:53:12 PM »
Tinam7 - thanks for your reply.  I completely completely agree with your statement that "there is far too much awareness of all that can possibly go wrong."  I really feel like that was what happened with me.   I knew way too much about stuff I didn't need to know (disease-wise) and I wasn't "mature" enough (so-to-say) to handle it.  This is something new that I have realized and I have been watching out for that with my children.  Especially if one of them brings something to my attention that is "scary" (even if I believed it to be age appropriate).  I definitely will not let them be exposed to unnecessary medical info at an early age (I feel like I was and that was some of the roots of my HA).  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Yes your advice about CBT and relaxing exercises is good.  I guess, even if they aren't interested in it, if they watch me do it, maybe some day they would want to do it too.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me!
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

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