i'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I could have written that post. i did that same stuff years ago, and right now i'm on the verge of another episode. my son is going away to camp on sunday and i'm sure he'll bring those bedbugs home with him. i want to take a vacation, but i'm too scared of getting bed bugs. i'm tempted right now to inspect my whole house, even though i haven't had a bite.
thinking back, what helped me when i was in the throes of it like you are now, was just telling myself, that i don't need to go looking for bedbugs. we will KNOW if we have them. the cleaning and checking is so ocd. basically, when you inspect the bed, or crib or your body, you are "checking". this is a type of reassurance. you are not looking "for" bedbugs, you are looking for NO bedbugs. that is the reassurance. when you check the bed, and don't find them, then you feel "better". that's why you have to stop that cycle. just know that you have checked and checked and thatis your ocd(or anxiety) telling you to check again.
you can search bed bugs on this forum and i am the #1 poster!
i'm better with the checking/cleaning part, but i'm still so scared to enjoy my life. my main fear is because i'm scared my 13 year old son(who already has only a couple of friends and is not popular)will be ostricized. i'm scared everyone will leave him out, never invite him over again, never come to our house again and make fun of him at school.
if you have any idea on how to get past that, let me know.