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Author Topic: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry  (Read 186 times)

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Online mroussa

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Hey guys.

I have been on the health anxiety train for 3 years now....2 of those I was in "remission". I was put on Prozac & did great. I have diagnosed myself with everything from ovarian cancer to MS to brain tumors. The list is endless. 2 weeks ago out of the blue it all came back. HORRIBLY.

I am wrapped up in breast cancer now. I started ovulating 2 weeks ago & noticed that my breasts were sore. I started my cycle Wednesday but in the meantime I have had achy nodes (on each side, although they alternate days sometimes), soreness off & on, & sometimes out of no where I will get a little ping of pain on either one.

Everything has happened on BOTH SIDES, either at the same time or alternate days. Last week my right side bothered me, this week the left has had a turn.

Today there is a node under my left arm that is sore & when I rub it is actually gets better. & I have had major sinus issues/allergies the past month so maybe it's connected to that????

I started back with my therapist last week. I made an appt with my Dr. to Rx me Prozac again. & I made an appt with my OBGYN since I haven't been in 2 years (I was too scared).  :dazed:

I cry ALL OF THE TIME now. I am SO depressed. I cannot be left alone now bc I lose it & cry & am unable to function. I have planned out how the next few weeks will go...GYN appt-mammogram-biopsy-chemo-dead within the year.-my kids will not have a mom.

I want ME back. Even the me from 2 weeks ago. I don't know how any of this started but guys....I AM MISERABLE.
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Offline famv5

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2014, 10:31:24 AM »
I'm sure everything will be just fine.

I was in your shoes last summer except I had issues on just one side which really made me scared.  I had pain in the breast, armpit and discharge and my mother had breast cancer in her 40's.  Long story short, I went for a mammogram and everything was normal.  Since that day, I have had no more pain or discharge.

Your mind is very powerful and the more you think about something and focus on it, it will happen and continue.  Just tell yourself that everything will be alright and try not to focus on what your feelings.  Easy for me to say, I know.  I hope you feel better and get past this quickly.
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"Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths" - Charles H. Spurgeon

Online mroussa

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2014, 10:37:26 AM »
Thank you so much for your reply.

Deep down....I would be really shocked if I turns out I do indeed have BC (my common sense side) but there is that HA side that knocks loudly saying "Yeah but this & that & remember what you read on ***** that one time & remember that mom who went in for a routine mammogram & died 6 months later??".

Last night I cried & cried & BEGGED God to just take me bc THIS is horrible & I cannot function like this. My kids & husband deserve better. *I* do, too.

I just don't know how to turn around & go back to where I was before.



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Offline famv5

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2014, 10:44:37 AM »
Everything will be alright.

I was the same way.  It took me five years to even get the courage up to have a mammogram because I was so afraid of the results.  I was 45 years old when I finally went and I was supposed to go when I was 40, even earlier because of family history.

I just got to the point where I couldn't take all of the symptoms anymore and I was so worried for my kids.  I cried days before I went and even during the mammogram because I was so scared. 

I really understand how scared and worried you but I think your mind is making it more into something that it really isn't.   That's what we do, though. 

It's probably all hormonal.  Our hormones change all the time and cause all sorts of new aches and pains.

Just try taking some deep breaths and thinking positive.  Whatever comes of this you can't control right now or change it. 

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. 
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"Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths" - Charles H. Spurgeon

Offline crazymommy

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2014, 10:56:33 AM »
I am in the same boat. Was doing well for a good while... Had visited here occasionally but not much. Lately though HA has come back in full force and I am currently scared to death of breast cancer because of some pains I've had mostly in my left breast. Have felt somewhat similar on right side but nowhere near as often so I'm freaking out.   I have my annual visit to gyn coming up soon, at which point I will be told to go for mammo since I'll be 40 in a couple months. So that has me worked up too.
I wish I had advice, I don't... Just telling you that you're not alone!  So frustrating to have been doing fine and now I'm depressed, scared and only barely functioning.
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Online mroussa

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2014, 11:06:30 AM »
OH MAN you & I are in the same boat!!

I am 34 with no history of breast cancer in my family....but to me, that means zip.

My left breast is my issue now, too. (Last week it was my right). I keep playing a scene in my head where my Dr. wants to send me in for a mammogram & I cry during the whole thing. Then I will cry waiting for results & I will lose it bc I "just know" they are going to call me back & will want to go for a biopsy.

We have a week-long vacation planned for the 2nd week of June & I have already looked into how we will cancel it bc I am convinced we won't be able to go bc of bad results.
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Offline crazymommy

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2014, 11:15:58 AM »
Same here... No family history. And I've analyzed like crazy but felt no lumps(I think- don't fully trust myself to check carefully!). I have pretty big breasts and I have it in my head that there could be something awful looking where I can't feel it. And I play out the scenarios constantly - finding out, telling my family, my kids having no mom... The works. 
My former therapist retired several years ago. Trying a new one, just went the other day. I'm hopeful that she can help, but I've been down this road and I know it takes a while. And in the meantime I can't turn off the broken record in my head.
Don't even think of canceling your vacation!!  You're going to be able to go and have fun and that will be SO good for you... It will do wonders in the long run.
This is an awful affliction, this HA. I swear half the time getting sick for real would be better than this.
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Online mroussa

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2014, 11:26:26 AM »
Preaching to the choir!

I haven't fully checked my breasts until the last 2 weeks & now it's all I do. I think I'll find something, & then I get all worked up, then I check the other side & low & behold, the other side feels the same but then THAT side feels like it has something. Nothing that I've felt screams EVIL or else I know I'd be a mess.

Everyday its the same thing. Depression. Crying. Over thinking. Praying. Crying to everyone I know. Being snappy to my poor young kids. Not interested in a thing. Planning my last days. Begging for help.

But I haven't slept this good in a LONG time. By 7:30 I am so mentally exhausted, I PASS.OUT.
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Online mroussa

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2014, 11:29:54 AM »
& as far as our vacation goes....I haven't really done anything to plan for it & we leave in 3 weeks. I am so convinced that we won't be able to go bc of test results OR bc I will be in such a sad state of mind, that I can't go.

Which SUCKS for my 2 kids, ages 3 & 5. Poor kiddos. I want to give them the world & I can't.
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Offline superstressed

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2014, 11:41:28 AM »
Oh MRussa,

I am sorry your anxiety is back again, I can completely relate.  I do well for a long time then something pops up and puts me in overdrive.   I understand why you would prefer not to get a mammogram as I also have awful anxiety before them.  Chances are good that it is all hormonal especially where symptoms are moving from one breast to another.  What can I say....being a woman is never easy, try to focus on the kids and get out of the house for a while, go see a movie and relax.  Alone time is when my anxiety is always at its worst.
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Online mroussa

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2014, 11:53:38 AM »
Chances are good that it is all hormonal especially where symptoms are moving from one breast to another. 

I read that 8 times & convinced myself you think I have to, too.

I need help.
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Offline superstressed

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2014, 04:33:05 PM »
Noooo what I meant was you are fine, everything will be ok because you are healthy it's just the HA convinces us otherwise!
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Online mroussa

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Re: After 2 years of not being here....now I have Breast Cancer worry
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2014, 04:50:21 PM »
I don't like talking about my health concerns with many people bc I start over-analyzing what they say. Obviously.  :spineyes:
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