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Author Topic: I need advice....constant worrying  (Read 147 times)

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Offline monkey12

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I need advice....constant worrying
« on: May 23, 2014, 12:44:26 AM »
Hello, I haven't been to the site in a long time because I was doing much better but I am having a rough time. I can't stop worrying!!!! I will try to make this as short as possible. I have a 5 year old daughter and this is the first time that her dad will be getting her half of the summer. She is a mommy's girl and prefer to just go every other weekend, if that. Right now she just goes every other weekend but over summer break he will have her a week and then I will have her a week....I am so stressed about this. I know she is going to want me after a couple days and I hate knowing that and not being able to go get her ( well, I could but it would start a war) He has NO toys there for her, is very strict, and I just don't like it. My obsessions/worries are....
What if they leave her in the hot car because they are not used to having her that much
What if she cries the whole time for me
What if she is just sitting there bored the whole time and miserable
What if she gets sick and he doesn't call me
What if they don't watch her close enough at the pool
What if, What if, What if....

I am making myself sick with this, especially since school ends in 7 days!

Please any advice???? Oh and I can't express my concerns to him because he just gets frustrated and becomes a jerk  :angry:
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: I need advice....constant worrying
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2014, 05:45:18 AM »
Could you even ask him would he allow her to phone you on a daily basis. You can say it is simply because all of this will be new to her. She will not be used to it. So you just want to make things as comfortable as possible for her. You can also say that she may cry for you. If that was to happen he can contact you at any hour of the day and night. It is just a concerned parent wanting the best for her daughter. The law is the law as far as the child is concerned. There is nothing much you can do to change his rights to having your daughter. Unless there was neglect there. I am doubting he will neglect her in the ways you listed. I am sure she will tell you how she feels after she comes home from that first week away with him. Then you will have a much better picture of how she is coping with things. Until then we just have to accept things as they are. I am sure you will miss her. Any mother would. Just shows you are a good mother. But he has his rights too. Unless he botches up big time it will stay the same for the whole summer. Just something you will have to get used to. Hard as it might be.
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Offline monkey12

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Re: I need advice....constant worrying
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2014, 12:27:51 PM »
Thank you for responding! As far as calling her, I feel that will just upset her more and make her want me even more. I might ask her about it and see how she feels and ask her if that would make her feel better ( She is a very smart 5 year old and will be 6 in a couple weeks  :happy0151: ) When she was 4, him and his girlfriend left her home alone asleep while the girlfriend took him to work!!!! They DISCUSSED it the night before and thought it was a good idea! So, I have reason to be concerned with their thinking. Once we get through the first week hopefully things will be easier. It's just making me sick....the worrying. Thanks again for responding!
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Offline bodhi

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Re: I need advice....constant worrying
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2014, 02:32:06 PM »
Well I learned about TEA (Thinking Error Analysis) Forms on this forum and it has helped many people including myself. See this for more info (http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/anxiety-and-positive-thinking-and-choices/news/view/1478155). I'd suggest you do this for each of your concerns.

I'll do a TEA Form on one of your worries so you get the idea. I have 4 kids and I have been divorced, I also only saw my dad on the summers when I grew up, so I know allot about what you are going through : )

TEA Form:

Thought
What if she cries the whole time for me

Thinking Error
Jumping to conclusions, extreme thinking, reality filter, ignoring the positive

Analysis
She will probably cry at times, but this will give her Dad the chance to learn to be a father.
Its highly likely that most of the time she will be doing daily routine things like having breakfast, watching tv, etc.
She will most likely have some other good times and will probably make some important memories with her dad.
Its most likely Dad will take care of things mostly well, and yes, make a few mistakes. Buts its ok and part of being a father.
On the positive side, Dad wants to see his daughter and this will give her the chance to get to know him and be more comfortable with him.

Also, I have been through a bitter divorce and I can tell you that offering forgiveness and good will, especially when it is not reciprocated, is always the way to long-term peace in a divorced family... but most importantly in yourself. I eventually won over my ex with kindness, and have acted as peacekeeper for 10 years... the kids come first.

I hope that helps : )
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