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Author Topic: New to the site - not new to anxiety - but currently in the weeds  (Read 157 times)

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Offline txlauren

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Greetings all,
I am a 38 year old mother of three - including twins. They are wonderful kids. I have a wonderful husband. We have a wonderful house.
But I am consumed daily with anxiety that I am not good enough as a mother, a wife, and a worker. SO I am here.

I have struggled with anxiety since the birth of my twins - they are now 6. I struggled mostly at night with sleep, but it started creeping into the day. Things were managed by medicine (lexapro and occasional xanax) until 2012 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 3.
I fought the battle successfully, and went through 18 months of chemo, radiation, a double mastectomy, and reconstruction. Ironically, I didn't feel as anxious through all of that as I do now - maybe it's residual.

My body chemistry changed, my body itself no longer could keep up, but I thought I was ready to go back to work last August 2013 and I took a sales role - which I have never done before.

This spring has been my undoing. I have been on tamoxifen (an anti cancer drug you take for 10 years after breast cancer) and I have started having side effects: night sweats, insomnia, weight loss. I also have had a massive increase of stress in my life with my job, my kids, a puppy, lack of good sleep, etc. I was increased on lexapro to 30mg and now have to take xanax 1/2 mg just to make it through the day.
I find myself unable to let go of anxieties about everything from my children's soccer teams to my work - which by the way is an awful fit for someone with anxiety - quotas, daily phone calls with VPs, etc. My stomach hurts. I want to cry or curl up in a ball, but I have to go on.

I am so glad to find myself a community where I can be open and brutally honest about my struggles. My husband doesn't understand the chemical component of this - only the situational - and is helping me work through that. I can't talk to my parents as my mother is bipolar and would want to either be here to "help" not a good idea as she's often in a manic state ... and my father remarried a woman who is, let's just say, also on meds.

I am seeing a new psychiatrist next week to see if I can tweak my medicines, and I have been working with a therapist - my latest struggle is to tell myself daily that I am good enough. And today, I am meeting with my boss to discuss a medical leave and role change - another terrifying thought but I think necessary at this point.

Any thoughts / advice / smiles and messages are appreciated. I do not know what changed in my body the last few months, or in my life to put me over the edge, but I have to get back. I can't live like this.

Thank you for being out there, supportive, and sharing your stories with me. I no longer feel as alone.

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Offline MobileChucko

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Re: New to the site - not new to anxiety - but currently in the weeds
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2014, 12:06:52 PM »
Hello Lauren, and welcome to Anxiety Zone!  My name is Chuck, and I am one of the Global Moderators here on the site.

You are now a member of our community, where you will find support and advice from other members in similar situations.   It's always nice to find someone else who understands, and to know you're not alone.

We have sections in the forum that address specific concerns, so feel free to post or start a new topic in the section that best fits your situation.  Feel free to explore the rest of the forum.  You may find the other topics helpful, and you may be able to offer advice or support to someone else.

We also have a chat room for members over the age of 18.  Once you have made three meaningful posts, you will be allowed access to the chat room.

It is most certain that you have a lot on your plate, Lauren.  I'm glad to hear that you will be seeing a new psychiatrist next week.  Perhaps the new doctor will be able change your treatment plan, and find you some relief.

It's good to have you here as a member.  Looking forward to you sharing more posts with all of us.

The very best to you, Lauren!...  Chuck :grinning-smiley-003:
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Offline KyDizzle

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Re: New to the site - not new to anxiety - but currently in the weeds
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2014, 05:00:12 PM »
Hi Lauren,

It was nice to meet you in chat.. and I understand some of your struggles. Though I have not had cancer and by the way...  what a fighter and I am so happy that you were able to beat it and come out of it so well :)
 I am a mother as well of 2. and I understand the stresses of work, family, kids ect... Its a lot and you are so strong to handle it all. I hope therapy will help you and  they can get your meds working so you don't have such bad side effects...

Remind yourself.. YOU ARE WORTH IT and you DESERVE happiness!!!!! sometimes when we get down its hard to think those things.. But positive thinking really does wonders against anxiety.  I am usually in chat mostly in evenings.. Feel free to message anytime or PM on forum if you ever want to talk.

 Something that I try to do nightly is writing down 5 positives a night. it is easy to get caught up in the negatives.. but we have so much to be happy about and it can really help..

Take care :)

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