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Author Topic: Flash backs  (Read 481 times)

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Offline Pinkfrog

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Flash backs
« on: May 22, 2014, 01:55:05 AM »
        Ever since I was a toddler I was treated pretty bad by my dad.I never knew he adopted me but my mom was my biological mother.He beat me almost every day since the age of two.He would call me every disgusting name he could think of he never called me by my real name.
I always had low self esteem .I learned not to talk in front of my parents because I was always told to shut up and yes my mom knew how he treated me she liked watching him treat me this way.I swear when she saw him beat me she would have a look of happiness on her face like she really enjoyed watching me scream in pain.
  My 12 birthday I was standing by my front room window all excited about my grandma showing up for my birthday.Whenever she would come for a visit I would wind up staying with her as long as I didn't have school I could stay with her as long as I wanted.
 Well anyway I was standing by the window and I guess my mom caught me smiling and I guess it angered her.So she decided to tell me when I was really happy and on a happy day she blurted out''You are the product of rape ,that is the only reason why you are here!''Not sure what that meant and knowing how mean and evil she was I hesitated to ask her what it meant.She tells me in an angry voice''It means you are only here cause I was forced to have sex!''
  I ran down stairs  to my room screaming and crying she never tried to make me feel better.
My grandma came down took me to her house on the way I asked her if it was true  she said yes .I started to cry she tried to make me feel better but she didn't know I was crying over the way mom had told me I didn't tell grandma.
I finally knew why my parents treated me so horribly with such hate.
Ever since that day I felt worthless ,I felt souless  and I quit believing in God .
I am 41 years old now I still think about that day and how sad it made me and how sad it makes me feel to this day.
I have older children now and everyday I let them know they are very much loved .  Once again I apologize for my spelling and  my terrible writing.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Flash backs
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2014, 05:47:54 AM »
One thing that is worth knowing is that you are loved and worth so much to so many people. Be that your own kids and family and friends. If it was me I would get out and pen and some paper. Write a letter to my mum and tell her exactly how she made me feel over all those years. I am not suggesting you send her the letter. Just write everything in that letter. How you feel today, looking back on your life. Once you are done, try to answer your own letter, as if you were your own mother. No easy task at all. Can be emotional to do this exercise. But that is the whole idea. When done with both letters take them out back and burn them. Letting go of the past. I would also try and find self loving affirmations. There are loads on the net. Write them on sticky paper. Stick them about your house. So no matter what room you go into you will see positive words. Say them out. Make them part of your life. They will become part of your subconscious mind. It will be another step forwards.
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