I don't know if I really have OCD or not but I thought maybe people on this board would at least be able to relate.
I'm terrified of squashing bugs because every time I do it, something bad seems to happen.
I know that's more than likely not actually a case of cause and effect, and I'm just expecting it so I notice the bad things that happen. But I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, and I'm worried about the doctor realizing that he missed diagnosing me with something serious. And today I accidentally killed a centipede and a gnat. Tried to chase the centipede out of my bedroom but it wouldn't take direction, and later I found it squished on the floor. Either I stepped on it or my cat got to it. The gnat landed on me and I just felt an itch and scratched, killing it.
I...don't know why I felt the need to go into that much detail over the bugs I accidentally killed.
I've had this weird belief for over ten years now and to call it a drag is an understatement. Centipedes, spiders, even cockroaches, I make myself trap them and dump them outside. As someone who's terrified of bugs, that's usually the worst part of my day. But my god it really does seem like bad things always happen when I kill bugs, even accidentally.
Does anyone else have this, where you avoid certain things because you're afraid bad things will happen if you do them?
Likewise, I was really worried about spending a week with my friends this month and letting myself be happy because I "knew" something bad would happen - I'm always suspicious when I'm happy. Sure enough, the day after that, one of my oldest friends told me that she'd been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer.
My girlfriend is trying to tell me it's a coincidence, and I know it is, but at the same time...I have other friends wanting to visit this year, other fun things I want to do, and I'm afraid to do them in case my happiness leads to more bad things happening. (Though I thought I would be told I was dying...this never occurred to me, to be honest.)
Anyone else? Or am I just too screwed up?