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Author Topic: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!  (Read 354 times)

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Offline worldbeat99

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It seems a lot of folks here have spouses, or are dating, etc.  I'm single myself.  I'm dealing with GAD and some of that can lead to loneliness.
I'm a gay man and I would very much like the companionship that comes with dating.  I also enjoy cuddling and conversation.
I put energy into online dating and trying to go to new social events.

What about the other single folks with anxiety out there?  I know dating is never easy, but is it something you hope for?
Do you think anxiety would be a bit easier to deal with if you had someone in your corner?
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Offline bluerose

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Re: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2014, 12:58:17 AM »
I was in a long term relationship with my partner who was the love of my life.  It started out as a friendship.  I had other relationships before him, but even though parts of them were good, overall they weren't very good relationships.  When you start dating I wouldn't tell the person about your GAD immediately, but if it looks like the relationship is going somewhere then I would tell him.  A lot of people can't handle mental illness, but if you find the right partner he will stick with you in good times and bad.  When I had one of my breakdowns in '98 my partner was very supportive.  I think it helped that I didn't overwhelm him with talking about how miserable and hopeless I was feeling all the time.  That can be overwhelming for someone.  But having known me for several years he could tell by how I was acting that I was having a very rough time.  He used to say that when relationships got tough he took off.  But I guess with me our love was strong enough that he stayed.  If it wasn't for not wanting to leave him I don't think I'd be alive today.  Finally I got on a med combo that helped a lot.  I couldn't return to work, but I was more stable.  Then in 2002 my partner was diagnosed with lung cancer.  He was only 46.  He bravely battled his illness for 3 1/2 years.  I loved him with all my heart and I think if he didn't have someone who really loved and cherished him he would've gone back to doing drugs like he did before I met him and after I met him.  He got off the drugs for me.  Even though we had shattering life experiences that wasn't the whole story.  No one could make me laugh like him -- he made everything fun.  We just were so compatible with each other.  I didn't have to do much to take care of him physically (he was very intent on taking care of himself), but I did give him a lot of emotional support.  I went to almost every doctor appointment with him.  I lost him in 2006 when he was 50.  I will cherish my memories of this wonderful, kind, generous man for the rest of my life.  I guess I've gotten off topic here.  If you find the right partner you will have a lot of joy in your life and though there may still be dark clouds he will help you see the sun.  I've been single since my partner's passing and I've become ok with that.  I had a wonderful core group of women friends and a very sweet orange cat that cuddles up with me.  And if I do meet someone special down the road I'm ok with that too.
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Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2014, 02:17:02 AM »
It's hard to say. I think a partner would make it easier if they were understanding and compassionate about anxiety. If not, then they may make it worse. I speak from experience. In 2006 I was dating a very special girl that I would've loved to marry, and she had problems with anxiety. At the time, I did not. One night her friend calls me and explains they're at the er, she gad a panic attack. I went there and was supportive even though I had no understanding of it. We ended up breaking up for other reasons, but throughout the relationship she would call me for advice and support during bad moments, and I'll admit, I was less than supportive. Funny how karma came around on that one!
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Offline thependragon81

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Re: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2014, 01:27:28 PM »
I tend to think if I got myself a gf it would make a big difference to my anxiety and stress, simply because it would be a positive thing to focus on. My friends and family seem to think all my problems would disappear if this happened.

However, I'm 32 and the last serious relationship I was in ended when I was 23. Originally, although I missed the companionship and the intimacy, I didn't mind being single especially as I met no one who matched up to my ex gf. When I developed health problems, I let a lot of years go by, either because I was thinking I'll give dating a real good go when I'm feeling better or because I was worried how a potential partner might react to my issues. Now it's been so long since I went out with a woman that I'm not sure how I'd even go about it. I kinda feel like I'm 15 again when I was really nervous about speaking to girls I liked but at least then I had hope for the future.
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Offline Stressed Jumper

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Re: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2014, 01:40:52 PM »
I am happily married to a veteran with ptsd and I have gad so we're a great match!  We have known each other since high school and are now in our mid thirties and we have always been there for each other during the tough times.

That being said...I highly recommend internet dating to anyone with social anxiety.  My best friend is gay and while he is very outgoing he used to get completely tongue tied in the presence of a guy he was attracted to.  He met his fiance (they are getting married at the end of the month) on an internet dating site and by first messaging and then texting and talking before they actually met it let him get comfortable so his awesome personality could shine.  Five years later and they are incredibly happy. 

I guess my advice would be to take it slow and be honest.  If the person is "the one" then they will understand and support you no matter what.  If they don't, well, there are lots of fish in the sea so don't waste your time.  I wasted 3 years on a jerk...thank the gods I ditched that selfish loser!
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Offline Lolita Cruz

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Re: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2014, 03:59:10 PM »
I've never been in a relationship or even been on a real date. I'm also coming up on my mid-20s; I'm basically an anomaly in this day and age. I know sixteen and seventeen-year-olds who have already had a few girlfriends/boyfriends. I'm ambivalent about the whole relationship thing. A part of me wants the companionship. A part of me wants to feel desired and loved by a significant other. On the other hand, I've grown to like my time alone, perhaps because I'm so used to being by myself that it has become comfortable. I need a great deal of personal space. I also have intimacy issues and I'm pretty uncomfortable with showing/being shown affection. Also, I highly doubt any guy would be willing to put up with all my issues, regardless of how much he loved me. I wouldn't even blame him for abandoning me. Hell, I want to abandon me half the time. I'm not sure if my anxiety would be easier to deal with if I had a partner. I guess it would depend on how patient and understanding he is. If he also struggled with anxiety, I think it could help because he would be able to empathize with me in that regard.
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Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase. -Martin Luther King Jr.

Offline asuka07

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Re: Does anxiety lead to loneliness? That's why I'd love to be dating!
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2014, 11:01:12 AM »
I can relate so much to what you've just said Lolita.  I could have written that post when I was your age. I know all about the feeling no one can deal with your issues.

Right now I am "dating" I nice man I met on a dating site.  We're still getting to know each other, and so far we get along well, but my anxiety is the main obstacle.  I don't know yet if this will develop into anything more than a friendship and I can feel my anxiety fighting to keep it from going any further.  I am scared of what will happen if and when things become more intimate.  Will he see me as a freak? My normal reaction to these situations is to sabotage and run away, but I've decided to see where this leads no matter what my anxiety tells me.  I'm tired of it forcing me to be single.





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