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Author Topic: I need help talking to my husband  (Read 244 times)

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Offline LotusFish

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I need help talking to my husband
« on: May 19, 2014, 12:29:55 AM »
My husband travels frequently for work and is typically gone 10-20 days (depends on the gig) and I'm beginning to think that him being away is what's triggering my anxiety (it seems to get worse when he's away). I also work full time and we have a child in daycare but when he's home, he's often home for close to a month but sometimes less. His job pays REALLY well which is what complicates things. Moving to where he has the most work isn't really an option for many reasons; cost of living (especially with a kid) is a BIG one plus, we left that place after I got pregnant for a number of other reasons. We moved closer to my family so that I would have some help when he's away but I think I'm really starting to feel the weight of him being gone so much. I also think that there's this part of me that knows I can't live without him so I constantly pray he makes it home safe.

I don't know how military wives do it but I'm a ball of nerves. Yes, I have family, but even that is limited sometimes. Maybe I need more friends? We've only been back for almost 2 years but I haven't had a chance to make many friends (even my job is working with family). I have a few friends near (within 50 miles) but none of them have kids; that's obviously not a deal breaker, but lets face it, friends who don't have kids tend to not hang out with their friends that do. Sad truth. I'm just in a tight spot and I know I need to talk to him but I don't want him to feel like that what I am going through is in any way his fault. We do have at least one date night a month (even if that means staying in and watching a movie after the kido goes to bed).

Has anyone had to go through something similar? Tips? Advice? Anything.
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Offline Stressed Jumper

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Re: I need help talking to my husband
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2014, 01:24:47 PM »
Hi there!  I am a former army wife and had to deal with several deployments before my hubby got out.  Here are my coping techniques.

Keep busy!  During one deployment I wrote a book in my spare time, during another I worked an extra part time job that was a lot of fun.  (It was at a high end wine shop where I got paid to taste and learn about wine...what could be better!)

Friends are wonderful!  If you are looking for insta buddies take up a hobby.  I am a professional horse trainer so my students are my family.  If you are pathetic join an adult soccer team or maybe take up riding ...sorry had to pitch my sport...or something along those lines.  If working up a sweat isn't your thing then join a book club, knitting group, or take a ceramics class.  All are great ways to meet people with similar interests.

Keep in touch!  When my hubby was away ***** was our best friend.  Even when he was on the other side of the planet knowing that he was just a phone/computer call away was a major source of comfort.

Now onto the anxiety management part....

Have you considered trying meds or therapy?  Seeking help to manage your anxiety does not make you weak or a failure...it means you are a smart woman who is taking charge of her life.

Last but not least, tell your hubby about your feelings but do it the right way.  Wait until he is home and you are in a good mental space then explain yourself using "I" phrases so he understands that you are not blaming him.  Ex.  "I feel very nervous when you are away, how do you think we can deal with that together?". Approach the problem as a team and I am sure you will conquer it.  I have know my hubby since high school and we were best friends through having him stationed on the other side of the country, Alaska to be specific, and three deployments.  Then we became romanticly involved, got married, and had to deal with another deployment.  We made it through and I honestly feel that having to go it alone for a while made me a stronger person.  You will make it too!

Good luck and hang in there!
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Offline sacrificeislove

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Re: I need help talking to my husband
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2014, 11:03:10 PM »
It's hard to live far away from someone and it does bring about a lot of anxiety, but for the time being this is the best situation for your case. Life requires sacrifices and although it does cause anxiety, just think about that raising a family requires sacrifice and love and think of yourself as a strong independent woman that is helping her husband and family out. The worries may get the best of you sometimes, but I think it is important to note that life is not perfect...
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