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Author Topic: Being eaten alive every day.  (Read 91 times)

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Offline RedfoxThomas

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Being eaten alive every day.
« on: May 14, 2014, 06:28:13 PM »
This is seriously killing me. I've never felt anything like this...

I was engaged/together with my ex for 4 years. It was turbulent, as she was bipolar and had many borderline p.d. traits..

We would argue a lot, but I still loved her to death and I felt secure and I trusted her and was there for her and tried to be understanding..

After 4 years, she randomly tells me one night the feelings were gone, she lost the attraction. Then 2 weeks later, she moves in with a creepy co-worker guy 12 years older than her with 2 DUI's. I separated myself and cut off contact. Found out however that she was being physically abused. I tried to intervene, but she got me off a day later and went back to him.




So let's cut to the present. I've been dating a girl who we will call K. Things at first were very great. Very affectionate, lots of fire, we said we miss each other, and text each other all day. It moved pretty fast...

Here we are almost 2 months later, and I feel every day like she is pulling away. She started her externship and she also is taking a summer class, so she feels like she has no me time. I am terrified every day that she is pulling away. We don't text as much, she cried in my arms one night saying she felt like she WAS pushing me away and wanted ME to stop her. After she was done crying that night, she apologized, and said she feels better now and that she has breakdowns now and then like that...

Well, then she started the externship that I mentioned up there, and her time got thinner. We still text, but it is not nearly as much, and we don't say I miss you and all that stuff nearly as much. It's killing me, and the anxiety is eating me alive that I am going to lose her. She still uses kissy faces when we go to sleep for the night and stuff, but it's still eating away at me because it ISN'T like it was before...


We can only see each other 1 day a week now, which is straining things even more. I don't know how to go from seeing my ex fiance every day, to only seeing this girl 1 day a week, but I am desperate to try to make it work..

Does anyone have advice?
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Offline kconnors

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Re: Being eaten alive every day.
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2014, 08:28:31 PM »
Hi . . . glad you came by the group and thanks for taking the first step . . .

Now, I am not a professional here but I have a lot of miles on me so let me just throw out a couple of things to consider

First, I almost sense that you are answering your own question . . . you write that you are desperate to try to make it work..

I can see how that would happen . . . you invested so much in helping your first girlfriend and, for whatever reason, it did not work out . . . whether you think that her actions reflect on you as a person, I don't know but it seems that it is a possibility . . .you're probably wondering what * you * did wrong that she would go into an abusive situation . . . well, here's the thing . . .you didn't do anything wrong; you cannot be responsible for someone else's actions and you cannot control someone else's decisions whether they are good or bad . . . at the same time, you need to protect yourself and not put yourself in a position that allows the ex to come back into your life  . . .

Let's fast forward to the new relationship . . . it is repeating the first one . . . something you want and willing to do whatever it takes to have it  . . . again, though, you may be trying too hard and it may be making your current girlfriend feel as if things are moving too fast . . . she has other interests and this may be making her feel guilty . . . . and perhaps this is triggering her breakdowns . . .I don't know . . .

It seems though you are a rescuer . . . often, but not always, when this happens it is sometimes because the person feels that he (or she) needs to build a relationship with someone who needs him and then that means that person will not leave . . . but, you know that didn't work . . .

So, my advice would be in the way of suggestions:  you need to figure out what you want and why . . . it it is a relationship, great, but if it is a relationship because you need someone to need you who might be so dependent on you that she won't leave you, then that might be telling you that you need to figure out what is going on with you . . .

You don't mention if you are working, if you have other friends, if you have outside interests, etc. Sometimes when someone is desperate to make something work, I kinda think that there is something else going on because relationships do require work but there should be a sense of ease with developing it . . .

Now, I may be seeing this from the female perspective but 2 months into a relationship, really isn't that long . . . oh, fire can ignite within a second, but you want, I sense, a relationship in the long term and that takes time . . . . the good thing about this forum is that for everyone who is like me, there are others who will give you additional and equally valid perspectives . . . so check back often, check in with us often, and if for no other reason, just to say hello . . . we will do our best to help you and you will always find someone hear to listen to you . . .we are a pretty nifty group and we are glad that you have come by as a member . . .take care, kc
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Offline RedfoxThomas

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Re: Being eaten alive every day.
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2014, 08:52:15 PM »
Thank you so much for your reply..

I do want to be with this girl, so badly. I have never had so much in common with someone before..

She did say things were moving too fast during the breakdown. What can I do now to fix it? I just want the relationship to not fall apart... I haven't felt this way about anyone in so long.. I just don't want to screw it up.


You've been wonderful and I am glad to be amongst you here.
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