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Author Topic: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion  (Read 225 times)

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Offline Callum_E

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I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« on: May 14, 2014, 08:48:34 AM »
So I've had this bad hypochondria for about a year now. I absolutely hate it!. I can't go a day without thinking I have c**cer. I will censor the word as I hate saying and typing it. My day to day life is pretty normal from most people's point of view, I work, I socialize but on the inside, I'm convinced I only have a few months to live at the most. I've been to so many doctor's appointments seeking reassurance that I am healthy as I should be and always have been but its never enough.

No matter how much I may try to ignore the scary thoughts I have, I see something on tv about the disease or something on the radio or on some poster in a public bathroom or even just getting medication from the chemist with the stuff all over the bag about the same thing. I cannot escape it!!!. When I go to the doctor, she tells me "you're very young and the disease you think you have is really uncommon at your age...I will admit I am guilty of over searching online but it does happen to people my age. The most recent thing I've been worrying about is c**cer of the bowel, It wasn't AS bad until I found out about Stephen Sutton(RIP) he just lost his battle with it today and he was only 19(diagnosed with it at 15) then there are a few others my age who have been diagnosed with c**cer oof the bowel as well.

I just fear that if the doctor keeps telling me I'm too young and stuff, what if there is something like that inside me? I don't want to find out 6 months down the line I was right the whole time and get told is incurable....I don't want to die!!!!. My doctor recently prescribed me fluoxetine(Prozac) to try and see if that helps my anxiety, has anyone here had any success with it?? I really just can't handle anymore of these horrible thoughts, they are making me feel so tired and lethargic and I just want it to go away!!!!!! I did nothing to deserve this horrible nasty life.
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Offline sickofsickness

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2014, 12:20:38 PM »
Wish I had words to help, but I feel the same way. The Stephen Sutton story (RIP) has also triggered some serious anxiety for me, and I'm convinced I have colon cancer.
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Offline LotusFish

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2014, 01:56:47 PM »
I know exactly how you feel and it is VERY exhausting. It's taking everything in me to not look up this Stephen Sutton story but I know if I do, it'll probably trigger something. I have yet another doctor appt. tomorrow to rule it out tomorrow.
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Offline SheWhoShallRemainNameless

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2014, 03:19:56 PM »
Me too. I've spent the morning panicking over cancers. I wish I could hug all you guys. I wish I could afford to see a doctor. I wish I wasn't doomed to a life of anxiety. I wish I could help all of us...
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Offline LilMousey

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2014, 08:45:22 PM »
So I've had this bad hypochondria for about a year now. I absolutely hate it!. I can't go a day without thinking I have c**cer. I will censor the word as I hate saying and typing it. My day to day life is pretty normal from most people's point of view, I work, I socialize but on the inside, I'm convinced I only have a few months to live at the most. I've been to so many doctor's appointments seeking reassurance that I am healthy as I should be and always have been but its never enough.

No matter how much I may try to ignore the scary thoughts I have, I see something on tv about the disease or something on the radio or on some poster in a public bathroom or even just getting medication from the chemist with the stuff all over the bag about the same thing. I cannot escape it!!!. When I go to the doctor, she tells me "you're very young and the disease you think you have is really uncommon at your age...I will admit I am guilty of over searching online but it does happen to people my age. The most recent thing I've been worrying about is c**cer of the bowel, It wasn't AS bad until I found out about Stephen Sutton(RIP) he just lost his battle with it today and he was only 19(diagnosed with it at 15) then there are a few others my age who have been diagnosed with c**cer oof the bowel as well.

I just fear that if the doctor keeps telling me I'm too young and stuff, what if there is something like that inside me? I don't want to find out 6 months down the line I was right the whole time and get told is incurable....I don't want to die!!!!. My doctor recently prescribed me fluoxetine(Prozac) to try and see if that helps my anxiety, has anyone here had any success with it?? I really just can't handle anymore of these horrible thoughts, they are making me feel so tired and lethargic and I just want it to go away!!!!!! I did nothing to deserve this horrible nasty life.

It sounds like I wrote this. Know you're not alone in your fear :( I know of the Stephen Sutton story and I find it terrifying. I'm also terribly scared of the disease, the trigger for me was the passing of my boss' stepmother. She came into my work a few times per week so I knew very well who she was and stuff. She deceased very quickly after her diagnosis. That for me triggered an intense episode of anxiety and self-checking habits :( Also, it seems to be everywhere on the news and stuff, which only increases my anxiety. It's hard to feel so very anxious all the time. It's taking away my peace of mind, it's making me a anxious mess.
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Offline StrongintheFaith

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2014, 09:38:52 PM »
You are so right. It is a vicious cycle! I have to constantly remind myself that my doctors are smart, competent people who know what they're talking about. Praying for peace for you and all of us!
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Offline Callum_E

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2014, 02:27:13 AM »
Thanks for the replies!. The trigger that started all this for me was a friend's mother who passed away from c**cer. She too died shortly after her diagnosis. She was a lot older than me but it didn't make much difference to me! I used to be a smoker as well but this profound fear of C and death terrified me into stopping and I've been smoke free for 6 months now(Good I know) but then I wonder, what if its already too late and the process of C has already begun!!!!  :sprachlos020:
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Offline LotusFish

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Re: I hate this vicious cycle with a passion
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2014, 12:29:59 PM »
I quit smoking 6 years ago and still feel that way because my grandfather died of lymphoma which they believed was caused by his alcoholism and smoking even though he hadn't touched any of it in over 10 years when he was diagnose. He was also very old but it doesn't change the fact that I wonder what it means for me even though I never did those things in the quantity that he had.

Thanks for the replies!. The trigger that started all this for me was a friend's mother who passed away from c**cer. She too died shortly after her diagnosis. She was a lot older than me but it didn't make much difference to me! I used to be a smoker as well but this profound fear of C and death terrified me into stopping and I've been smoke free for 6 months now(Good I know) but then I wonder, what if its already too late and the process of C has already begun!!!!  :sprachlos020:
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