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Author Topic: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.  (Read 423 times)

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Offline 59Ballons

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Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« on: May 13, 2014, 04:50:01 PM »
I'll cut to the chase. Does anyone else feel weird living life itself? Like the thought of your life in general, or living and continuing on feels so foreign and strange? It's this weird panicky feeling and this hopeless and helpless feeling that I HATE. Earlier this month I had really bad Depersonalization and since then life has felt strange and foreign. Its almost like this "I DON'T WANT THIS" feeling in my gut when I think about the future. I know that this is brought on by my thoughts, because when I'm really immersed in an activity/ distracted, and in my dreams (most of the time) I don't think this or feel this way.

It started by me asking myself philosophical questions and questioning life itself. But my horizons broadened and I started to question/debug MY life and what is happening right now... and I feel trapped in my own body and I want to run away... but I can't run away FROM MYSELF.

The thing that gets me the most is the fact that I'm questioning and not wanting life itself. ME, I am dreading. I'm dreading myself, and my life. I feel literally trapped in my body and often think "what's the point of living?" "Is this all?" I honestly think that this is why people commit *****. I will most CERTAINLY not do that... NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WILL I DO THAT. I am strong, and I'm not an idiot. Because I know that no matter how bad things get, its better than having absolutely nothing.


It's just scary and I hate it. It's a real sucker punch in Logic's face.

And I feel like I will never return to my normal thinking. Anyone else?
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Online will402

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2014, 06:47:25 PM »
Yup I am in the same boat, I guess remember when in the anxiety state, we dont think clearly.

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Online flyaway

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2014, 08:22:21 AM »
This is pretty much how I feel right now. The idea I am going to (most likely) live in to my 80's terrifies me.

When I think about it I start to panic - it's all too much, and I just want it to stop.

I think for me, it's because I am really lonely. The idea I may feel this way for another 60 years is upsetting.
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Offline AnxiousAlexis

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2014, 12:38:23 PM »
I feel like this often! It's like I can't imagine continuing to go through life with my anxiety because I don't want to have to live life if this is how I will feel. I often end up giving myself panic attacks because I get so worried that I will feel nervous and terrified my whole life. Plus the closer I get to my 30s and real adulthood (so to speak) the more terrified I become because how after so many years of struggling, is this still what my life is like? Why am I not better? Why am I still having just as hard a time as I ever have?

I also have a problem with depersonalization disorder though, so that causes a lot of those feelings. It's a common symptom of anxiety, unfortunately to feel like your life is sort of "fake" or to not feel connected to the world around you. There have been times where I find myself saying things like "I wish I would get cancer" because then I would just die and not have to worry so much about the future. It's horrible and I know that I would be just as terrified about dying as I am about living, but that is what this disorder has done to my brain.

Mostly I just try to remind myself not to focus too much on the future and take life one day at a time. Sometimes that is impossible but if I consciously try to stop myself from thinking too far ahead, I find those feelings of panic happen less often.
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Online tinam7

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2014, 08:25:11 AM »
These feelings are not uncommon, though perhaps not so common when young. Then the unfolding of life is in front of you and at least distracting. I think of it as nature's bubble of novocaine, which gradually evaporates.

My protective layer is gone. So I look back, a bit like Voltaire in Candide. A vast mystery, countless contradictions, brutality. When we see the horrifying suffering in the world, it is indeed tough to go on. Children born into misery. But we can do for those around us, find our interests and pleasures and so muddle on until check out time. At least we won't bemoan the ending.
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Online flyaway

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2014, 05:46:44 AM »

I also have a problem with depersonalization disorder though, so that causes a lot of those feelings. It's a common symptom of anxiety, unfortunately to feel like your life is sort of "fake" or to not feel connected to the world around you. There have been times where I find myself saying things like "I wish I would get cancer" because then I would just die and not have to worry so much about the future. It's horrible and I know that I would be just as terrified about dying as I am about living, but that is what this disorder has done to my brain.

I can definitely relate to what you're saying here - I think it's the 'flight' instinct kicking in.
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Offline momangel29

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2014, 11:56:39 AM »
I understand what you are saying. When I have heightened anxiety and I am in bipolar depression I feel that I am very strange inside to myself and I have to take each day in small bits because I can't manage my life. Days seem thousands and thousands of hours long. I look in the mirror and I don't see myself as I once did. Going out in public is very difficult.
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Offline SummerSun41

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2014, 11:44:44 PM »
I'm going through a similar experience. Ever since I graduated college last year and got engaged, I've had a lot of anxiety about "normal life" and things like that. It scares me that soon I'm going to be responsible for my own house (I've lived with my parents all my life), get a "real job", and have adult responsibilities. Honestly, adult life seems like it sucks and I think that's part of it for me. Another piece of the puzzle is that I don't know what I want to do with my career, because my bachelor's degree is pretty useless. The thing I wanted to do turned out to not be for me due to some issues with injuries and blood. :dazed: So I have four years of school under my belt and no idea what to do.

But anyway- I feel the same way about life. It just feels weird sometimes! There's no other way to describe it and that's frustrating. I overthink EVERYTHING and question myself constantly. I fear depression (because I'm not anxious, I'm a very happy, fun, outgoing person), and the fact that anxiety has come into my life and made me question everything makes me worry that il develop depression, and to me, there is nothing scarier. How do I deal? Try to live as normally as possible. I'm a firm believer in "fake it till you make it"-- that is, if I go about my usual day or do things that I'd normally enjoy pre-anxiety days, eventually I think my Brian will stop trying to scare me into thinking normal life is weird. I also try to pray and do breathing exercises to help me live in the present moment. Think of life on a day-to-day basis: all you have to do is be your best self today and the rest will fall into place. Of course, I know this advice is easier said than done and some days are suckier than others, but hang in there! Go do things you enjoy and don't let your anxious brain stop you :)
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Offline momangel29

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Re: Anyone else feel this way? Feels weird to live.
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2014, 09:03:57 AM »
   My anxious brain stops me constantly and I'm not at a point where I can control that.  :( I don't always have anxiety but when I go into deep depressions I do. I just got new insurance a couple of months ago and I know I need to find a therapist. I saw my psychiatrist, the same one I have had for years and years and he was trying to give me new medication with my mood stabilizer but there were so many side effects that would not be easy to live with that I decided not to take it. I did call and inform them but they had no other suggestions.
   I have been taking the mood stabilizer for 17 years now. I am a nurse and it makes it difficult to work taking these medications and in my current state of depression and anxiety. I work for an agency so I can be off of work for periods of time. It is just tough to ride the storm.
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