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Author Topic: Severe Brain fog....Please Help me!  (Read 202 times)

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Offline Dave91

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Severe Brain fog....Please Help me!
« on: May 11, 2014, 05:15:58 PM »
Hi Everyone,

My name is David, ive just turned 23 and i am suffering from severe stress and anxiety and i would love to have your opinions and somebody to talk to about this, my girlfriend doesnt understand what im going through and i live with somebody i dont really talk to so its been quite a lonely experience. If i can get this all of my chest now i think it would make me feel a littler better, sorry about the detail but perhaps it will help you be able to diagnose me and understand me better.

When i was a 7 years old, my parents broke up with a really messy divorce, my mum suffered from severe anxiety as my dad would threaten to have her tied up and abduct me and my sister to his home country, he threatened this on numerous occasions. I guess i cant really blame her, she would call up all airports to ensure i wouldnt be able to leave the country and there was constant fear and stress as he eventually hid all his belongings and made us grow up in poverty. As this was going on, the fear and stress that i could see my mother going through would scare me, eventually the gear she had of my dad grew into me, sometimes he would come to our window to see me and my sister and i would run away behind the sofa or hide under the window, i was scared of him and my heart would race. I didnt pay much attention to this during my teenage years, until i came across a document when cleaning out a spare room from my parents counseller during the divorce, in the statement it said my mother had instilled fear into the kids and that her anxiety was very much affecting us.

When i was 18 (living with my mum only) i went to university, i was extremely social and outgoing and was loving every minute of it(minus the work), i didnt have the best attitude, i smoked alot of pot with friends and generally didnt really care about anything. Infact a girlfriend of mine whilst at university use to say my favourite phrase was i dont care. This happened one day as i did have anxiety building whilst at home but i just decided that if i didnt care about anything then my brain could truly chill out, and it worked! Throughout the whole of uni i was carefree and didnt suffer much stress or anxiety until the final moments...

Being from a poor single parent family, i decided to go to uni on a whim, i went with zero money and didnt get my loan through till april, which ment that i was severly in debt(overdrafts) before i could even afford to get to my halls, this worried me a little, by the end of uni had 2 maxxed out overdrafts, what happened next was alot to take.... In final year i shared a house with 5 friends and i was the lead tenant in the property as i had arranged the house, to cut a long story short, we were paying estimated bills instead of actuals but we didnt find out until we moved out, when they read out meter we were hit with a 2000 bill in my name, safe to say all my so called friends deleted me off ***** and blocked my number. My mum would start getting th threatening letters from baliffs and it was causing her extreme stress, she was also suffering from cancer at this point, which angered and upset me greatly.

I graduated with an average degree, and a bunch of debt i couldnt pay off, i didnt know what to do, i kept running away from my debts and trying to put it out of my mind as they were driving me crazy if i let myself think about it. i eventually did an internship for a year and now finally i have landed myself a good job with a decent starting salary and i can start facing my debts again.

Now im not sure weather facing them again is giving me the anxiety or if its something else, i also recently moved in with my girlfriends sister, just me and her, (as i didnt have money to put down for a deposit) and she is so OCD about everything, the tiniest scratch on a pan or mark on the floor would then mean a nasty text or a note being left. I started to avoid her, i dont know why, shes not scary at all in person, i feel like im constantly being judged and i am now going mad about a small spill that i cant get off the floor or off of a pan, and im doing alot of housework ( i use to be very messy at uni) I feel like i cant relax when i get home and i hope every time i turn the key she isnt in the front room.

Having secured this great job i went through 4 stressful interviews and im now delighted to be working here but im so scared that this stress and anxiety i am facing is going to ruin my hard work of getting there as i cant seem to function anymore.

In order to get this opportunity i turned into a WORKAHOLIC, i would never switch off, i would never allow myself any time off, i became a productivity superhero. I would stop watching series, i would not allot myself to sit with friends and chat as i was worried that i could be doing something more productive at the time, like finding a new opportunity, earning some money, or learning a new skill. All night id be up looking or trying to learn and i think i completely mentally exhausted myself, i believe i brainwashed myself to say that if i didnt do this then i would never be successful with an average degree and would never be able to pay off those scary debts. Anyway, it worked as it got me a good job but now i feel like i can only give 50% of brain power to what im capable of because of this horrible mist in the mind. Ive started facing these debts again and calling up the debt agencies shitting myself that they ma have escalated higher and higher over the years as they couldnt find me, im unsure weather facing these again is the reason of my severe anxiety.

For the record i barely smoke pot anymore.

My SYmptons:

Brain Fog: By far and away the WORST sympton ive had, i feel like i am in a daze all of the time, i sometimes try to shake my head to snap out of it but it never works, i struggle to remember what people say to me at work, i struggle to solve any type of cognative problem, and fade in and fade out of zoning out within seconds of sitting on a train, not even having any thoughts just a daze. This has really scared me, previously my mind use to always be racing with ideas and a love for life. Im so scared that this will ruin this amazing opportunty that i have worked so hard far, i beleive this is a vicious circle as the stress from worrying about this goes round and round.

I convinced myself recently that i had Hepatitus, i also ran away from that, decided that not getting tested was better as id rather not know, but it drove me mad, i thought everything was pointless however succesful i was as i had Hep. This is how my brain fog first started, i couldnt get this thought out of my brain and kept bringing it up to everyone, i eventually got tested and everything came through negative much to my relief.

Extremely irritable over the littlest of things, a stain on my top would drive me a insane, a scuff on my new shoes  also, i think this is because i know i wouldnt be able to afford a new one and how unfair that things like this happen.

Crazy dreams, these have subsided abit now but i was getting really crazy dreams involving death and losing my belongings.

Rumination Syndrome, ive had this since i was a kid and as long as i can remember, i think it was due to my parents breaking up and as the counseller said the anxity and stress i as the youngest child was put through, recently my teeth has started yellowing but i still cant stop bringing up my food, i know it sounds gross! Its a illness that isnt well documentated and i only recently finally managed to find out what it is, i then started getting very scared about oesphagus cancer(with my mum suffered from cancer) due to the acid going up and down my throat for 15 years or so. Thankfully (i hope) this is different to gastro-oesophageal reflux disease in that this happens voluntary, and it usually straight after the food is digested, i never get heartburn or pain and i beleive the food isnt acidic(or very small amount) when it happens.

Ill leave that there for now, thank you so much for taking your time out reading this and i would love to hear your thoughts and opinions and some constructive help to get me through this horrible state of mind.

David
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Offline kconnors

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Re: Severe Brain fog....Please Help me!
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2014, 07:05:09 PM »
Hi Dave,

Welcome to the forum . . . thanks for coming by and sharing your story . . . don't worry about the details . . . and, yes, it does help to get it out in the open . . . first step to dealing with it . . .I am going to offer some suggestions to think about . . .they may or may not be appropriate for you because we are all different, but have a read and see if anything might help . . .

1.  often it is difficult for someone who does not suffer from anxiety like your girlfriend to understand what is going on . . . this is an experience that is difficult to explain to someone else because often there simply are not words to describe how we feel . . . she may also be at a loss at how to help and feeling frustrated with herself and with the situation that is putting distance between the two of you . . . my only suggestion is to ask her how involved does she want to be in your recovery process . . . for some people, it is just too hard to support someone and for others, once we extend the invitation, they join us and help us through all of the ups and downs . . . but it is an issue of asking her what she sees her role is in your life as an individual and as a couple . . . .as for your roommate, well, again, it is the same thing and often roommates have their own lives and do not want to commit to supporting a person with anxiety but you are very insightful because you know that right now you are in a situation that has the potential to isolate you and that you need to work on . . . .if not through a circle of friends, then searching out a support group, or community-based programming for folks with anxiety or coming here . . . we are a pretty nifty place . . . ask a question, give an answer, or just let us know how you are doing . . . . we come here for different reasons and we often leave with more than we could ever expect . . .

2.  coming here has shown great strength of character on your part - it is not easy to do this so give yourself a pat on the back . . .also, at 23, David, your brain is still developing so you are dealing with this at a great time . . . .

3.  you suffered a traumatic childhood that has left an impression on you and you are now able to see the impact that it had on you . . . sometimes our best defense is to say I don't care when we really do so now you are having to deal with this but it is not impossible . . . you may not have thought you cared for nothing, but you probably were very skilled at keeping it under control until it starts to seep out . . . add to that the situation with your so called friends and the debt load and your mother's health issues, well, it is no wonder that you are now suffering severe stress and anxiety as it now is able to overpower any defenses that you had in place . . .

4.  okay, so now you have a job and you have yet to deal with a lot of triggers and impact from your anxiety . . . your debts are a symbol of your unresolved past perhaps but you need to deal with them . . . both the unresolved past as well as the debts . . . it appears to me that you need professional help to start the process and some sound financial advice . . .

5.  moving in with your gf's sister may have seemed a good idea at the time but the last thing you need is to deal with someone who is OCD so as much as this may suit your financial reality now, i would strongly suggest that you start to do some planning to terminate the relationship and move out as soon as possible or else deal with it face-to-face . . . often people will hide behind texts or notes because they are protecting themselves from their own problems  . . . .you are living in a battle zone with your own anxiety and then trying to be something else to another person . . . you are giving yourself an impossible task from where I stand . . .

6.  Now, with respect to debts . . . . is it possible to declare bankruptcy? I know this is drastic but it may be a way to get a fresh start or if not bankruptcy make an arrangement to stop the escalation of interest on the loans, etc . . . you need some strong financial advice . . . .

7.  you say that you barely smoke pot anymore . . . now, you may have to factor that into your anxiety . . . .

8.  your symptoms --- all of these symptoms are not unusual for people with anxiety . . . I sincerely feel that you would benefit from professional counselling . . . not necessarily a psychiatrist, but someone who could help you to develop coping skills . . . but you need to remember that it is a  process and not a quick fix . . . .it took you years to get to where you are, it took many, many traumatic events but at this point you are showing your strength, your willingness to engage in recovery, and it will not be a process without speed bumps . . . and there are risks . . . your girlfriend may not like it; her sister may not like; but this is your life and you can either let it live you but allowing it to pass you by or you can decide that you want to live life and make it what you want it to be . . .

Do come here and let us know how things are going . . .then are so many of us with so many different experiences, I am sure you will connect with at least one of us . . . we do understand and as much as we will help you, each of us knows that it is an individual journey but you do have us to be your support to the best of ability . . . thank you so much for your generosity in sharing with us your story and hopefully you will find that we will be able to help you also . . .take care, kc
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