Recently I've been dealing with the feelings associated with GAD and being a highly sensitive person. I just feel as though this is a never ending feeling of grief. The idea of losing people - not just through death, but relationships ending, distance, time etc - is hurting so much I am feeling it physically. I was thinking about what it's going to be like when I'm old, and the thought of how much change and loss I'll experience between now and then is making me panic. It makes me afraid of living. I'd rather feel nothing than feel everything.
I'm going through a huge amount of change right now, and it's all so overwhelming. In the space of 3 months I have ended a 7 year relationship, moved house, changed jobs (where I'd been since 2008), come off some meds, travelled twice, dealt with death, applied for a visa to move to another country, and a experienced a few other big changes too - a whole other story with all that. I just want to rewind and freeze time because it feels like life is moving so quickly and everything is changing faster than I can process it.
A lot of people I know see me as quite closed off and...well, unfeeling. It's really just a defense mechanism. When I think about how much I actually care, I feel so sad that I cry. I hate that I care so deeply, why can't I switch it all off? How normal are these feelings? I just wish my friends and family could understand and appreciate how much I love them. I don't think anyone has ever loved me like I love them
it makes me look at myself and wonder if I am missing something?
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I don't feel I have anyone else to talk to about this right now.