Hey all, just wanted to jump in and share some ideas on coping with *** anxiety that is helping to get me through this (atleast until I see my GP next Tues... seems a lifetime away!).
Ever since the fateful day a week or so ago that I dropped a strawberry with my left hand (yes, this is actually how this specific anxiety started for me!) and connected dropping things with *** symptoms, I have actually convinced myself on separate occasions that I have had bulbar, left leg, and left arm onset versions of the disease.... sometimes varying by the day depending on what part of the body is scaring me the most. Any body else notice this?
It occured to me that this disease very rarely onsets in more than one area at once, and I'm not sure ever in all 3. So logically, even if I did have legit *** onset, atleast two of my "suspect areas" are still most likely anxiety related. If nothing else, it's proof that at the very least, some of this almost has to be generated by me and not disease. So if atleast 2 of my "suspect areas" are in fact driven by anxiety, whats the odds going ahead and saying ALL THREE are generated by anxiety vs 2 and 1 legit *** onset? The figures I've seen at my age (31) of being the latter seem to suggest somewhere in the 1 in 1,000,000,000 ballpark.
I think this is something else that we often forget... that people who are under the long process of getting diagnosed with *** are anxious and worried too... which is probably causing them to experience anxiety symptoms just like us.. which may explain why some on the ALS forums talk about experiencing widespread fasciculations, etc. early on in the progression. Whether you are cleared (vast majority) or diagnosed (statistically tiny few), either way you are likely to have lots of anxiety and it's side effects.
Ok, so that's my mutual reassurance thought for the day. Now to express what is currently scaring the hell out of me...since this forum is give and take and those of us with this fear are in it together.
1. The majority of my twitches seem to be centered on my left calf. In fact if I watch it long enough, I can see a variety of twitches on my "hot-spot" on the upper left side, from the very subtle "crawling under the skin" types I can't feel, to the more standard twitches i see and feel. What is scaring me is that sometimes, I can actually activate the twitch by tapping on the muscle. This is freaking me out, anyone else notice this? It's always the "less obvious" twitches that scare me more, and especially when I can tap them into existence.
2. I am a fast typer. I've noticed the last couple days while typing, that my left side ring finger seems to be just a little bit "off". It seems to make just a few more mistakes than usual and just feels off, although it still "mostly" keeps up with the rest of the fingers. I'm currently worried whether this is another by-product of anxiety or evidence of loss of motor control in left hand (it's always the damned left side... conveniently where most of my twitching is at)!
Ok.. that's my support/ need post for the day. Wishing everyone the best out there in health anxiety land!