I've had anxiety for a long time, but it probably started when I had my first Derealization experience. I was 11-12 handing out paper in class and started feeling strange. When I say down I had to ask a friend if I had really handed out the papers. I thought it was kinda cool at the time. It happened a few more times and started getting scary when it would happen at football games around lots of people. A week before a trip to Disney world it hit me hard and lasted for a while. I went to a doctor who diagnosed me with syncope. I got better and weren't on the trip with only one spell of derealization. I came back home and it hit me again, I wouldn't leave my bed and eventually didn't go to school and got on homebound with my syncope diagnosis. I went back to school a year later but the Derealization was ways in the back of my mind. My last semester of school was hell, I spent most of my time in the nurses office crying because I was so anxious and on weekends I would shut myself in. I graduated and it took me three moths to return outside and to a doctor. I was doing well even though the anxiety and Derealization was still there.
Last week I didn't go outside for a few days which isn't unusual for me. Someone took me out to get food and I freaked out when I reached the car, but I calmed down and went anyway. My mother took me out driving later and again I freaked out but couldn't calm myself and had to go home. Since then my anxiety has been so high and I can only calm myself down for a minute or so. I'm home alone just freaking out about anything and everything and I'm just so upset. I feel like nothing is real and I'm do disconnected from everyone. I watch my family being happy and I want to be happy with them. I imagined graduating as leaving thy awful life behind, but it's just become worse. Looking outside makes me want to throw up or cry or both.
I don't take medicine and I can't go get medicine because I can't leave, I'm so afraid and I'm not even sure what I'm afraid of. Thing not being real is the number one.
My only solace is sleep and that's hard to come by. I need help and of you have any advice please, please tell me.