Hi! I hope I can explain myself well. I'm 38, have been with my bf 12 years and are still much in love. He's a great person. I've always been the one who doesn't like small children, besides the thought of a pregnancy has always scared me.* Nothing changed in relation to that. But something else did: some time ago I started imagining me dealing with a child... not an infant and I liked the idea. I've started feeling conflicted and changing my mind every day or so. Having babies still seemed to me like a huge, overwhelming commitment. Besides, I'm a person who needs time alone and a child takes that away. But giving it up completely?... Total confusion.
Me and my bf never clearly stated what we wanted, it was always like "eh, maybe", so recently I asked him what he wanted and we agreed that one has to really really want a child. "It's a bet", he said and he's right. I was relieved after the conversation, the anxiety I felt while ruminating was gone. We would concentrate on our life together as usual (he's what counts most for me anyway). But now I can't stop thinking: are we doing the right thing? Will we regret it later? WHY this urge to have children? Is it just a biological clock which started ticking? I think it could be that, and in this case, will it STOP some time?
*And of course I suffer from anxiety... A good friend of mine who suffers from it too (worse than me though) ***POSSIBLE TRIGGERS*** had terrible problems accepting her pregnancy and for a whole year she felt nothing towards her baby. She had therapy, now is much better and adores her baby girl, but her story is still scary...