This is my first post on this site, and would you believe I found YOUR post immediately and I'm dealing with the exact same issue? So no, you're not the only person going through this and it seems youve gotten lots of responses from new friends who are tackling the same anxieties.
Maybe my plight will make you feel a bit better. I am terribly afraid of my Mother dying and being separated from her. I'm almost 38 and this has been an ongoing problem for years. It's embarrassing and hard to talk about. It's difficult to confront and scary to think of life without her. We live together and although I have a Father (they are divorced but amicably), and a couple of good friends, I feel a bond with her that is so strong that it's almost too strong.
So, I'm always worried and obsessing that she'll die and leave me alone and I'll end up in a complete panic and alone and in a scary hospital with uncontrollable fear, loneliness and mental illness and of course, she won't be there to help me through it. I waste a lot of time and emotional energy on these thoughts and they're really hard to shake. (I don't find therapists particularly helpful in this department).
I've never been able to be fully out in the world on my own. My job history is spotty as was my school attendance (you guessed it! Separation anxiety as a child! Did you have attendance issues as well?) My ex boyfriend wanted me to live with him but it just didn't feel right. I ended that relationship and couldn't envision leaving my home to live in his place (although I do believe it had to do more with him and not my phobias in this case).
My Mom and I are extremely close and just as you feel about your parents - that they're the only people you can trust and you feel safe with - I feel that way with my Mom. The boyfriends I've had are either envious of the relationship I have with her or don't understand and/or judge my anxiety disorders (clearly, this problem is not the only problem I have, lol).
What can I tell you that will help? Hmm...My Father worried in an obsessive manner over HIS Father - my Grandpa dying (was this passed down to me biologically or was it learned or a combo thereof?) My Grandpa did eventually die, and my Dad had emotional problems after, but he does regret the worrying while my Grandpa was still HERE. Does having children of your wn ease the separation from our parents? is that the right reason to have kids? I dont have children and most likely never will. What are your thoughts on having your own family? You're still so young!
I get it when people try to give me advice on this concern - love your parents while they're here. Cherish each moment. Nice sentiment. Not so easy to employ - especially with separation anxiety and a worried mind.
Bottom line - I think what you're going through is normal! It may not be this way for the majority of the population, but then again, the majority of the population aren't sensitive, loving, caring individuals who have a nice relationship with their parents.
Let me know how things go and please stay in touch. Realize that there's nothing wrong with you and that it's not uncommon to have separation phobias as an adult. And I hope the woman who's boyfriend is away is coping well. You are all in my thoughts and prayers!