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Author Topic: struggling with low self asteem/confidence  (Read 243 times)

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Offline harley

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struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« on: May 06, 2014, 06:04:33 AM »
So Iv been bullied nearly all my life because I have adhd asperges syndrome and maybe an anxiety disorder it's a long story but I get flash backs every now and then from the physical and mental trauma that I had experienced. Anyway since I was about 13 years old iv had really really low self asteem and self confidence. It's not until now that I'm suffering badly because I just thought it would go away but it hit me harder! I feel I'm no good and that there's no point in trying because I'll just fail and make myself feel worse! I think negative all the time and I want to change but I don't know how!.):
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Offline kconnors

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2014, 07:17:22 AM »
Hi,

What great courage you have shown to come and post to our forum! I was painfully shy with a speech impediment and even though we did not call it bullying in those days, that is what it was . . .

So, now we know how strong you are and how insightful to know that you want to change but you don't know how . . . well, we can offer suggestions but every person is unique which is the great thing about people . . . . . we all have great things to offer but, perhaps you are like how I was, and I just did not know how . . .my parents always encouraged me to pay attention to me and not to those who would bully me because, as  I came to realize, the bullies are the one with the problem . . .

Now, I don't know enough about you (and you only need to share what you are comfortable in sharing) but one of my suggestions may be to contact, if you have not already done so, a counselor . . . it does not have to be a psychiatrist, just someone who is very experienced in working with folks with anxiety and, in your case adhd and asperger's to help guide you to create strategies to start unraveling your particular variety of issues . . . . now, it is a process to do this and not a quick fix one time event . . .at least it wasn't and still isn't for me . . .

Often, with low self-esteem, it is dealing with the past but not allowing it to control our present or future . . . for me, I started doing very small things personally and out in the world . . . I revamped my lifestyle --- got rid of caffeine, fried foods, etc. although I still have a love affair with frozen chocolate yogurt at times . . . then I started to do little things that were accomplishments . . . because of my speech impediment I knew the struggles that people have with learning to read out loud . . . so I volunteered with kids . . . and not all of them had speech impediments but I wanted those without to see and understand what a speech impediment was so they would know that, like any other health issue, some issues take a long time and that we need to be with people who accept us and support us . . . not all kids could or would understand but I found out that they often had bigger issues than I had (one was being abused at home; one had been adopted and the so-called "real" kids in his family made him feel left out, etc.) . . . so in helping them, not only with their reading, but with listening to them, they learned how to listen to others.

Are there any online or community support groups tht you might join?

Now, how about some untapped or unrecognized skills? You may not think of them as skills with value but folks with low self esteem usually overlook small and big skills? What do you like to do? What would you like to learn to do?

Now, the big question, Harley, do you have a support system? You have one right now in all the folks who are on this forum, but what about in-person support system?

You don't have to take giant leaps and change your whole life all at once . . . but you have the strength so you may as well mobilize it to achieve what * you * want . . . those other bullies in your life, they have the problem . . .you are dealing with the fallout, no doubt, but you are stronger than they are because you know that you need to deal with it . . .

So, you have now achieved one actual big leap by coming here and sharing with us . . . that takes guts . . . think about the stuff above . . .it may or may not be right for you as only you can decide but know that you are welcome here for long or short postings, just to check in and say hi, or ask or answer a question . . . we'll do the best we can for you as we know you will do the best you can for us and in that way, well, we all become stronger than we were the day before . . .take care, kc
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Online tinam7

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2014, 08:03:41 AM »
Beautiful post, kc, much for harley to consider. I'll just add that CBT can be helpful but always takes work. For me it is also exercise, journaling, yoga, tai chi and meditation.

We literally want to get to the point of identifying all our good qualities, our accomplishments, etc. Sometimes I write them out on index cards and carry them around with me. There is hope.

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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2014, 11:52:13 AM »
Hi Harley, I can understand the feeling of low-confidence.  Been sort of in a battle with it myself.....having anxiety and the occasional panic attack leaves me feeling a little 'less than'.  Because I ask myself, 'why can't I just get over this and be like I used to be?'  For me I guess it makes me feel like I have failed, or that I am defeated. 

Negativity can certainly make a person feel worse though.  Having a sense of humor works wonders...I have a self-depreciating way of laughing at myself at times which is a mood booster.  Staying positive is good too....seeing the upside to things, since there are always two sides, why not look at the upside? 

I kind of feel sorry for people who bully because they must feel really low about themselves to do such things.  I knew many bullies growing up, but even at a young age it never dawned on me to be cruel to another human being.....those kind of people (bullies) really should be pitied as if they have some sort of affliction and need help.

You're not alone, take care :)
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Offline harley

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2014, 11:06:44 AM »
Just wanted to say a big thanks to u all for not  judging me and are willing to give me help and advice.! It's taking my life but I'm learning and i'm finding new ways so work/ some don't!. But I guess it's just the case of trial and error. Iv started to stand up for myself also been having some problems with girls at college.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2014, 11:41:19 AM »
Just remember . . . come here as often as you like  . . .if you let us know the specifics (and that is up to you), we'll do what we can to suggest strategies . . . just take one day at a time and work through the issues small steps at a time and you will do just fine . . .kc
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2014, 07:52:24 PM »
You're very welcome  :action-smiley-065:
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Online tinam7

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Re: struggling with low self asteem/confidence
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2014, 12:21:50 PM »
We never judge. Self-confidence is key for most anyone, here or elsewhere. It easily slips away like the sun behind clouds.

Then we can go searching for it in all the wrong places. If we were not raised with it, it is likely to be a regular challenge. We are lucky we can come together here to build and rebuild it, as needed.
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