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Author Topic: cancer-phobia is literally shutting me down  (Read 427 times)

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Offline chrispat

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cancer-phobia is literally shutting me down
« on: May 04, 2014, 01:25:29 PM »
Im not one to write in forums or even visit forums outside of the occasional reddit post on *****, but for about 3 months ive seen myself coming back here quite alot. I'll try to keep this brief so not to bore you because honestly, i've read alot worse anxiety disorders and my case seems mild compared to some people here.

In november last year, my grandmother passed from pulmonary fibrosis, since then i've experienced my first cases of panic attacks. I've battled depression and suicidal thoughts nearly all my life so the depression was nothing new to me but the anxiety has literally shut me down, i've never had anxiety attacks before so when i got my first one i thought i was dying and went woke up my parents at 12 AM to drive me to the ER and wait 4 hours for a old women to give me some over the counter antidepressant and say "it was anxiety" and send me home with a $100 bill. The first of many "it was anxiety" talks and the first of many medical bills i'll receive. For the past 4 months i've been having phobias all starting with having what killed my grandmother, which is almost impossible for a 20 year old to have  but i couldnt shake the feeling that something was severely wrong with me. After a pep talk from my doctor saying that if i had fibrosis then i would have to smoked since i was a year old, so there went disease #1 out of many to come. For some reason cancer filled the void that fibrosis left behind, leading to me believing i had "Deep breath"... Lung, testicular, throat, lymphoma, kidney, bladder, stomach, intestine, thyroid, heart cancer. 10 visits later my doctor has said "there is no cancer in your body". For a while that actually cured me but then a new stupid thought found its way to the front of my brain.
What if shes wrong? So now im sitting here. Questioning everything my doctor told me and thinking about changing to a new doctor or going to the ER for a full body test (which could cost me a few thousand). Im in a trench and i keep hitting the same dead ends or finding new ones and im not sure what to do anymore. Im so sick of feeling sick and i want to function again.

That was longer than i thought it was going to be  :spineyes:
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