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Author Topic: I think I now know why people thought I was different  (Read 283 times)

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Offline Caribou

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I think I now know why people thought I was different
« on: May 02, 2014, 03:11:16 PM »
When I was younger, I was always a little bit rowdy, different, etc. and I knew that.  But, for some reason almost everyone thought I was gay and I honestly would question why they thought that.  I guess when I was really young I hung out with my sisters more because they treated me much better than my brother did so maybe they kind of just rubbed off on me.  However, I had to make a webcam recording for class this morning for a presentation.  Well, I played back to the clip and I honestly never heard my voice before on recording.  It sounded "gay" almost...I'm sorry if that's rude in any way.  But, I watched my hand movements, my eye rolling, etc.  I don't get it though...some people say that everyone's voice sounds different on recording.

If I heard that voice on someone else, I would say the same thing.  And the reason I post this here, is because how I was treated (I was never called any names at all), but sometimes I would hear someone say to someone else "everyone thinks he's gay."  That would cause me to disassociate myself with everyone else because no one gave me a chance ever.  The few people that did finally understood that it was just how I acted.  I'm goofy, I have a sense of humor, etc.  I even think that the girl I've been with for awhile just feels sorry for me to be honest.  Come to think of it, I think that is why all of the girls I liked, just liked me as a friend and nothing more - they thought I was gay.  I just feel torn up inside because it upsets me.  I have been actually been depressed all day just from hearing the webcam.

I do want to mention I don't have anything against gay people at all.  I just find it frustrating that I finally realized why people judged me the way they did.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: I think I now know why people thought I was different
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2014, 05:36:34 AM »
People are who they are. I think if you spent more time with your sisters it would mean you would more gentle in nature. If that means how you talk and how you act, then so be it. I think people are too quick to judge others. I grew up with a person similar to yourself. To hear him talk you would question his sexuality. But as a friend I knew better. In his family home he had only sisters. It did sort of show. How he acted and how he spoke. One of the nicest people you could ever meet. But he was a friend and we never ever made fun of him at all. He was one of the lads, come the end of the day. You just get some idiots quick to judge people. In the wrong way most of the time. They think people should be a certain way. If not, they brand you. Which is wrong. Always be yourself.
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: I think I now know why people thought I was different
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2014, 07:11:23 AM »
Society can be so ignorant.  Personally, I surround myself with men who are gentle and kind hearted.  These are my guy friends.  I have no need to be friends with testosterone driven men.  I am an emotional man myself and have always been self conscious about it.  Growing up felt less like a guy because of it.  Society shames what they can't put in black and white.  Funny enough that is what my wife of 17 years was most attracted to in me.  While I like typical guy stuff I also enjoy gardening, cooking, a good romantic comedy and shopping.  What is beautiful is that I found a woman who loves this about me.

There are many women looking for men who are manly men, rough and tough...that's what does it for them...and that's ok.  But, not every woman wants that.  My advice to you would be work on your relationship with you.  Women are attracted to a man who is confident in who they are...no matter what that is.  When we struggle with being ok with us...they will struggle being ok with us.  That is probably what you sense more than your mannerisms.  The girls you date sense that you struggle being ok with you.  If they do indeed "feel sorry for you" its probably because of this rather than that.

So work not on changing...which will be tempting.  You don't need to "man up" your act.  Work on owning who you are and being proud of it.  Realize it's special and unique and that it can be attractive to the right woman.   
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Offline Caribou

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Re: I think I now know why people thought I was different
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2014, 10:01:05 AM »
Thank you for replying,

Unfortunately, ever single person who hasn't given me a chance just questions my sexuality.  In fact one of my old co-workers had a friend who asked if I was gay...I'm thinking to myself really?  You've never met me before now, and just assume I'm gay.  I was able to just brush it off before, but now I just feel like that's what has been driving the comments my whole life.  Honestly, the only people who have really gotten to know me are my own co-workers, family members, and a select few other friends.  They know that I just act a certain way, and understand that.  But, everyone else just labels me and I find that almost disheartening.

I have tried to change myself, since I have been labeled as being too nice to women.  Therefore, I treated a girl with total disrespect and then she said I was just being an ignorant a**.  Now, I may not be the MOST confident man out there, but I am certainly no pushover.  I was raised to treat women with respect and be a gentleman (something all girls say they want, yet they never really do).  But, I was also raised to never be a pushover or doormat.  If a girl is wrong and I know it, I'm gonna tell her to her face - I'm not gonna look stupid just for her sake.  But, of course if I do that, then the girl says the same thing every time - "I thought you were a gentleman."  I just can't seem to win anywhere...people question my sexuality, and from the few girls who really have given me a chance, only two of them so far have not labeled me as a pushover.
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