I've essentially given up on any hope to ever have a fulfilling sex life with anyone.
I was raised in a semi-conservative household, I was taught sex is something to value and honor, something to wait for etc etc. Then I went to college. I met a girl second night of orientation, we ended up hooking up and alas, two weeks later I found out she had given me herpes. Granted, this was type 1 however it was unfortunately "downstairs" so there I was, less than a month into college -- a time to meet people and find yourself and I had been stricken down by someone I didn't even know. I go to a small liberal arts school so naturally the one person I confided in more than anyone chose to tell someone else. I later met a girl who I went into a relationship with, she stated with a smile that she didn't care if I had it, that she liked me for me and not something small in the grand scheme of things. Things got more intimate and when the time came to actually have sex, I panicked and freaked out which in turn, caused performance issues and my body literally froze up and shut down. She hit me, told me to man up. We broke up the next day. Ever since then, I can't get myself to get passed this giant mental block. I'm so worried that I'd transmit it to someone, and should that happen, I'd never forgive myself. I know there's various medication you can go on, and even that isn't enough. Since that first girl gave me herpes, my idea of girls became synonymous with "gross, nasty, and dirty" so I ventured onto the other side of the tracks and I met a guy who I attempted to get intimate with and after a bit, I once again shut down, turned off, and felt awful for it.
I know a lot of people have herpes, thus it's a condition you can live with. It's been almost 3 years since I got it and nothing has gotten better. Person after person, I end up being afraid of getting close and I've thus never had a real relationship. I know there are dating sites for people with various conditions, however I'm also paranoid about getting something else. Look at how easily I got this.
I'm just frustrated, I wanna be normal and it's killing me that the people I end up liking I scare away because I get stressed out.