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Author Topic: Worried about intimacy  (Read 256 times)

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Offline tsh003

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Worried about intimacy
« on: May 01, 2014, 01:05:43 AM »
I've essentially given up on any hope to ever have a fulfilling sex life with anyone.

Here goes.

I was raised in a semi-conservative household, I was taught sex is something to value and honor, something to wait for etc etc. Then I went to college. I met a girl second night of orientation, we ended up hooking up and alas, two weeks later I found out she had given me herpes. Granted, this was type 1 however it was unfortunately "downstairs" so there I was, less than a month into college -- a time to meet people and find yourself and I had been stricken down by someone I didn't even know. I go to a small liberal arts school so naturally the one person I confided in more than anyone chose to tell someone else. I later met a girl who I went into a relationship with, she stated with a smile that she didn't care if I had it, that she liked me for me and not something small in the grand scheme of things. Things got more intimate and when the time came to actually have sex, I panicked and freaked out which in turn, caused performance issues and my body literally froze up and shut down. She hit me, told me to man up. We broke up the next day. Ever since then, I can't get myself to get passed this giant mental block. I'm so worried that I'd transmit it to someone, and should that happen, I'd never forgive myself. I know there's various medication you can go on, and even that isn't enough. Since that first girl gave me herpes, my idea of girls became synonymous with "gross, nasty, and dirty" so I ventured onto the other side of the tracks and I met a guy who I attempted to get intimate with and after a bit, I once again shut down, turned off, and felt awful for it.

I know a lot of people have herpes, thus it's a condition you can live with. It's been almost 3 years since I got it and nothing has gotten better. Person after person, I end up being afraid of getting close and I've thus never had a real relationship. I know there are dating sites for people with various conditions, however I'm also paranoid about getting something else. Look at how easily I got this.

I'm just frustrated, I wanna be normal and it's killing me that the people I end up liking I scare away because I get stressed out.

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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Worried about intimacy
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2014, 05:52:24 AM »
OK. So you have what you have. It is obvious that you have linked sex with catching things. Kind of like an anxiety. You pair two things together to the point were you can begin to avoid it. Safe sex is something you should look at. People with HIV still have sex. Why? Because they practice safe sex. These things don't mean your sex life has to end. Maybe you need to talk to a sex therapist and learn a bit more about things. Learn how to be safe. Learn that if safe you won't be passing anything on to anybody else. If safe you won't be catching anything else from anybody. That was just an early mistake you made and you are still paying the cost of that mistake. In a mental sort of way. You simply need to learn what you can and can't do. The best person to speak to would be a therapist. Because the problem is all in your head. ( No pun intended )
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Offline sacrificeislove

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Re: Worried about intimacy
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2014, 10:39:25 AM »
I think it is important to have someone really important in your life that will stay and stick with you throughout performance malfunctions and so what i mean is for an example, let's say you meet a girl and things don't turn out the way they should intimately, the girl should be wise enough to understand your problem thoroughly and work with you until it finally works.  :spineyes:
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