The lump under my arm has gotten bigger and rounder/thicker/fuller. The underarm itself is tender and itchy, but the lump itself no longer hurts unless I poke it hard. I give up; I'm going back to the doctor. I had thought at first that the pain meant it probably wasn't cancer, but the lump itself isn't painful it seems, just the area around it. My other underarm is tender again as well, though I feel no lumps. I do think I feel a second lump by the first one, but that could just be breast tissue. I also have pain off and on in my groin and neck, and the cough I developed with my cold last month never went away. I also get prickling and itching feelings off and on, but I think those might be in my head.
I spent the entire day googling about Hodgkin's lymphoma (the kind at my age - 31 next month - I think I'm more likely to have), and weirdly it didn't make my anxiety worse. Seems that most people with it live, even if it's spread. But of course I'm still anxious. I'm more anxious that my doctor is going to blow me off and send me away and miss the cancer I feel sure is there.
Realistically, I know this is possible, but not likely, because my doctor has never NOT sent me for a test I needed. He sent me to a neurologist when he agreed that I was having some mild left-sided weakness. He send me for a thyroid ultrasound when he agreed I had a lump on my thyroid (well, I didn't know it was on my thyroid, just that I had a lump), and sent me for a biopsy when he thought the ultrasound looked suspicious.
I think this is the most frustrating part of health anxiety - feeling like I can't trust my doctor, even when I know I can and I should.
I guess I'm looking for reassurance - not that I don't have lymphoma (though if you've got some of that I'll take it, LOL) - but that whatever is wrong with me, cancer OR anxiety, I can get through it. I feel completely hopeless right now, like whether my illness is mental or physical, I can't beat it. I do have a psychiatrist but I'm out of anti anxiety medication and won't be seeing her again until Monday, which is making things a bit more difficult for me.