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Author Topic: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts  (Read 200 times)

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Offline Gemmal

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I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« on: April 28, 2014, 05:51:12 PM »
2 whole years and 5 months . I've had " lymphoma symptoms " . Two years of not living , I've let myself go , isolated myself and generally lost motivation .

I want to do all these great things with my life , I thought I would have achieved some by now . Instead anxiety has stopped me living . I just want to wake up one day without fear

I had a panic attack earlier on . Still convinced I'm going to get diagnosed very soon . My mum was in hospital over the weekend and I kept thinking this will be me soon !

It's awful and I'm so down about it , I want to take control back but how ?
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Offline annaki

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Re: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2014, 05:56:46 PM »
This may be a silly question but have you had any therapy ?
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Offline Gemmal

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Re: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2014, 06:07:54 PM »
No therapy , which is a silly answer because I know I should do but I'm quite apprehensive about going but hey it can't be worse than what I'm going through just now !
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Offline christina10778

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Re: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2014, 06:21:50 PM »
I know exactly how you feel....actually, I think most of us here do :(
I've been suffering with mine for over 9 years now.
I am ready to be done with this as well.
It sucks and literally drains all life from you and replaces it with a paralyzing and constant fear.
I hate it....
But, you will get through this and come out a stronger person than you were before because of it.
It's just going to take a little time....baby steps.

And it might not take you that long since you're already so tired of this.
I believe the only reason I still deal with mine is because for about 6-7 years of this I just kind of listened to the doctors and figured something was wrong with me, mentally, dealt with the horrible symptoms, made all kinds of excuses: blaming others, and just never looked any further into it. 
But, over the last couple of years I have started reading books, doing research, etc.
Now that I understand what it is that is going on with me I seem to be able to control it better.
I'm not completely over my anxiety, but, it is so much better than it was....and this is medication free.
(I am terrified of meds)
But, it just keeps getting better everyday.
I know I will conquer this one day....it is just going to take some time....as will you.
We will win this war, but, it will have to be one battle at a time  :winking0008:
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My Health Anxiety Channel: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8-5ZQ6ZyRtI4ccjpE_4QwQ/videos

My Blog: http://thoughtsineuphoria.wordpress.com/

1 Peter 5:7 - "casting all of your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you."

Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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Re: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2014, 09:29:11 PM »
I know what you mean... Anxiety and depression especially over my health have ruined the last yr and a half of my life... I've let myself go and that hasn't helped in a lot of ways.... I'm not the guy I used to be and I want to change it... I'm just not sure how.
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Offline Gemmal

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Re: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2014, 05:22:59 AM »
thank you so much everyone for your support ! its so comforting to know I am not alone in this battle, I really hope we can overcome this! I have even stayed away from the doctors for one year ( trying the reassurance is not the answer approach) yet im still struggling!

I guess I still believe im not imagining things!

I hope this passes soon

Hope you guys are doing okay today :) !
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Offline pinkflydthebarbr

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Re: I want to move on with my life so much it hurts
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2014, 02:04:43 AM »
I completely understand what you're going through.

I have the same Hodgkin's lymphoma fears and it cripples me mentally and emotionally. I've been obsessed with it for the past month convincing myself that I have it. There's always a thought in my head, thinking "I'm being irrational... But what if I really DO have it? What if you really DO have hodgkins, and everyone else is wrong, and here you are, doing absolutely nothing about it while it's spreading throughout your body?" I've just been diagnosed with mono, but I still find myself doubting the diagnosis, thinking "well my cbc still doesn't match up with mono, I don't have a sore throat or anything..." it's completely ruined me, so I can only imagine what a few years can do!

Don't do what I'm doing, which is going bat crazy with any test that can rule out cancer... 


please do calm yourself, and be assertive but not irrational with your health. Know that you are not alone in any of this, there are others suffering the same thought as you, and we will be in this together. I send you my best thoughts and wishes! Hopefully we will one day be at peace.

Good luck to you  :action-smiley-065:
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