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Author Topic: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!  (Read 542 times)

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Offline Lindsay2427

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3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« on: April 28, 2014, 11:53:35 AM »
It's been 3 days since I received the great news that my colon polyp that was discovered during colonoscopy was benign and I could put the last 1.5 if terrible CC anxiety behind me, but that was short lived! I'm now terrified of a carcinoid tumor. I know other poster here has one and it brought it to my attention! I have periodic upper abdominal pain that feels like heartburn! It starts in my upper stomach (put) and moves up into my chest sometimes to my right upper back and rib cage area. It happens 95% of the time at night between 10pm and 1am! TUMS cures it instantly. Literally by the time I chew the 3rd TUM the pain is gone. I have had this pain off and on since my second pregnancy but it's been more recurrent the last 1.5! It happens about once a month or maybe every 6 weeks. I'm absolutely petrified this could be a carcinoid tumor on my liver, pancreas or gallbladder. I'm back to pure panic just like I was over CC. I know that is extremely rare but statistics don't ever calm my nerves. I'm so afraid this will become my new obsession! My Gastro offered a CT of my abdominal area since I told her about the pain but I'm to scared and declined. I don't think she suspects anything it was just part if the work up since my EGD was completely normal other than a reddened area in my stomach that come back normal. I think I'm going to mention this it my GP. I know heartburn is one of the most common pains Americans have but I'm so afraid it's something serious. This is so hard on me. 


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Offline vardnas

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2014, 12:00:10 PM »
Girlfriend, no.

Enough. At the point you are perpetuating your own fears. And if anyone on this board or anywhere else tells you to go through with more testing, they're doing you a disservice. You don't need to keep going in for tests and procedures. You need to address your anxiety.

You're afraid this is going to be your next obsession? Then don't let it become your next obsession. Easier said than done, I know, but if you have any hope of ever feeling better, you need to start moving away from the counterproductive behaviors and start changing how you manage/react to the fears you're having. The buck stops with you, but don't expect to see any improvement in your own situation if you're just going to perpetuate these same destructive patterns.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2014, 12:08:24 PM »
I don't know why I allow my HA to control me. I think it's because it's a real legit possibility I could have something wrong with me. No medication or therapist can promise me i won't end up with something I fear there for I think I am truly non fixable. I KNEW this would happen. I knew if my colonoscopy came back clear I would be right back to obsessing over other possible illness. I have a symptom and that's heartburn so something as to be causing that? And I'm scared.
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Offline Brick5711

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2014, 01:29:08 PM »
Seriously. I can NOT even reply to this. And you sent an email apologizing.
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Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2014, 02:47:10 PM »
I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you by any means. I just saw your post from earlier and decided to research the condition and I saw it sometimes effects the pancreais, gallbladder and liver and a patient posted he had acid stomach and it admittedly trigger my HA to this condition. I am not coming back to this site as I obviously offend people and it also triggers my HA.   
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Offline wegngis

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2014, 02:53:52 PM »
I am not coming back to this site as I obviously offend people and it also triggers my HA.

Hi Lindsay,
I would encourage you not to just cut and run.  Many of us are going through hard times, either real or perceived, and we all deal with it a bit differently.  Add the vagueness of reading someones thoughts instead of being able to see their body language, hear the tone in their voice, etc., it gets really hard to come to any solid conclusions.  I also think that visitors to this site understand that certain triggers may happen, and that 'caveat emptor' is the rule of the day (i.e., buyer beware, wherein we seeking help/understanding are the 'buyers').  If it's truly a trigger, and you're not getting benefit, then yes, I agree that this site probably isn't for you.  But many people do get a benefit.  It all starts with not participating in the destructive behavior that gets triggered, such as googling.

Just some things to think about.   :winking0008:
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline vardnas

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2014, 03:48:47 PM »
I don't know why I allow my HA to control me. I think it's because it's a real legit possibility I could have something wrong with me. No medication or therapist can promise me i won't end up with something I fear there for I think I am truly non fixable. I KNEW this would happen. I knew if my colonoscopy came back clear I would be right back to obsessing over other possible illness. I have a symptom and that's heartburn so something as to be causing that? And I'm scared.

I agree with wegnis that you don't need to worry about offending people—trust me, I've done my fair share. If it helps you, then it helps you. But I think it's important to be aware of what is actually helpful and what isn't. Clearly, googling isn't helpful. I would wager to guess that that is the #1 thing that's keeping you in a cycle of ever-worsening anxiety.

I don't know exactly how old you are, but in actuality, the most legitimate cause for your symptoms at this point is anxiety, and not some form of cancer. You're right that therapy and meds can't promise that there isn't anything wrong, but NOTHING in life guarantees that. What they can do, that a medical test cannot, is to help you learn how to COPE with that kind of uncertainty. Anxiety feeds off uncertainty, so the worse it gets, the more extreme things we're tempted to do to ensure that certainty, but life's just not that way.

That you "knew" this was going to happen actually does highlight the fact that you understand how HA works. I think what you're not grasping is that in order to get over it, you're going to have to change your behaviors BEFORE you can expect a change in attitude. That means RESISTING the urge to run to the doctor, to run to google, to run toward reassurance. I know I've said this to you before, but there's a reason for it and that's because it's true. I'll keep telling you this in the hopes that maybe someday it'll sink in. At the end of the day though, you're the one piloting your own ship, and you're the one who needs to make the decisions.

When I struggled with HA, it was awful but even its awfulness was better than the stuff in my life I was trying to avoid dealing with. Even though I hated what I was doing (the googling, etc) I still kept myself up at night trolling the Internet for health info and getting scared. My therapist said, rather matter of factly, "well, it's giving you something you need," which I wager to bet is what's happening to you. So really, despite all the advice (good or bad) that people on here are going to give you, ultimately you're going to stop the cycle you're in when you're ready; when perpetuating the fear about your health stops giving you whatever you're getting from it. But in the meantime, that's no reason to delay taking your previously-prescribed medication and seeking professional treatment. If you still haven't told anyone in your everyday life about your struggle, it's time to do that as well.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2014, 02:17:46 PM »
I am 26 and will be 27 next month! I was up for about 30 mins last night with the heartburn! I don't know if anxiety causes it or what but I'm so scared! What if it's pancreatic or gallbladder cancer? Or possibly liver cancer? I'm back to obsessing. Also Zoloft gave me THE WORST panic attack  of my life Saturday around 1am so I stopped it. 

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Online soaringfalcon

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2014, 07:43:09 PM »
I am 26 and will be 27 next month! I was up for about 30 mins last night with the heartburn! I don't know if anxiety causes it or what but I'm so scared! What if it's pancreatic or gallbladder cancer? Or possibly liver cancer? I'm back to obsessing. Also Zoloft gave me THE WORST panic attack  of my life Saturday around 1am so I stopped it.

I know you think that we're all being mean to you but I will say it again...you don't have cancer, you have anxiety!!!  You have the power to choose.  You will continue like this or you will choose to treat it.  You can't just stop an SSRI...they have to be tapered.  Often symptoms will get worse until they get better.  You can take a benzo such as Xanax or Klonipin.  I've said all I can say and tried to be as supportive as possible but in the end, it's only you that can choose to get better. 
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2014, 08:59:04 PM »
Hi, getting heartburn doesn't mean you have something seriously wrong, it means you have heartburn.  I too have been getting heartburn every month, two days before my period starts--like clock work.  Hormones have that sort of effect on digestion....slows things down...causes everything from gas, to constipation, and heartburn. 

Yes, it's nothing serious just the 'ol 'worst case scenario' aspect of HA doing it's dirty tricks again. 

If you stick with the Zoloft--even through the increased anxiety/panic, those side-effects eventually go away---I just went through the same thing with Celexa.

Take care :)
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Offline Hypo84

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2014, 04:26:44 AM »
It was easy to predict you will develop another fear, that's how HA works. Go to therapy, take meds,it won't stop if you don't do smth about it.
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2014, 05:23:27 AM »
Sorry to hear you're freaking out again, but SURELY you know in your rational mind that this is all a product of your anxiety.

If the zoloft is causing bad side effects, either try to ride it out - they usually go away - or try another medication; there are plenty.  There are also anti-anxiety drugs that might help you if an antidepressant isn't enough on its own (I would suggest from personal experience to get some that you use as-needed rather than regularly as a preventive; but that's just what worked better for me.) 

There are therapists and doctors who can help you.  You have PROOF that you're healthy.  You have heartburn, one of the most common nuisances in the world, and your brain is telling you this is a catastrophe.  You need to find someone who can help you take control back, and take it back, because you can't live like this.  Your family needs you functional. 
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Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2014, 07:10:55 AM »
I truly thank you for all of your support, even the harsher comments! I'm truly suffering from this disorder. And I'm not convinced I'm healthy. I had terrible heartburn last night right after dinner. I did eat to much but instead if just bloating I had the heartburn. TUMS took it away but just the fact I got it is teffifing me. Since my EGD I have had it almost daily or nightly. Yesterday was 7 days post EGD. I'm wondering if the biopsies she took all over in my stomach have caused this? I would get this pain about once every 4-6 weeks buts that's all! It was never recurrent like this. I'm seriously back to obsessing and being fearful. I'm so fearing of the C word again. I an so terrified to get that CAT scan my GI offered. She said she would be looking at my gallbladder and panceras. That is so scary. I declind. I am going to call my GP and make an appointment.
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2014, 08:05:07 AM »
Did the heartburn start before or after you started the zoloft?
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Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: 3 days later and I'm in panic, again!
« Reply #14 on: April 30, 2014, 08:16:59 AM »
I have had this heartburn since my second pregnancy in 2008! It would come and go and was very spaced out in episodes like months apart. I started to notice it more on a "regular" basis like once a month starting last January so so about 15 months. I had one episode in January of 2013 that triggered my extreme fear of pancreatic cancer. I then started obsessing over my stool color which led me to discover blood which then lead me to my CC fear and I was TERRFIED the C had spread causing my upper GI pain had that ruled out by colonoscopy and she did the EGD since I told her not only about blood on stool but heartburn/ gallbladder pain. EGD was completely normal and biopsies were also normal so now I am back to thinking my heartburn in pancreatic C or something else in the region. I am so freaked out she wanted to do a CT scan of my abdominal area. My husband said she told him it was because of the heartburn that radiated to my back I told her about at my appointment in January of this year. I guess since the EGD didn't show an ulcer she wanted to look at my gallbladder and pancreas for possible issues (stones etc) when I freaked out over this my husband is like Lindsay you complained to a GI specialist about upper abdominal pains why do you expect her to do ignor you??
I only took the Zoloft for 2 days so I doubt it wa the reason for my heartburn. Can stress an anxiety cause heartburn?   
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