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Author Topic: relationship issues confession anxiety  (Read 247 times)

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Offline nathanjh

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relationship issues confession anxiety
« on: April 27, 2014, 01:09:34 PM »
Hello I've suffered with anxiety since I was young I'm now 20 I use fitness and work to cope. Recently I've got into a new relationship and this spiked my anxiety. She knows i have it so that's not the issue. The problem is I constantly think I'm doing something wrong and feel the worst feeling and the constant need to confess. I tried confessing a few times all that happens is my brain picks out something new to confess and the cycle repeats. The thingits fixated on now is I was at a party with her I was anxious while there not wanting to do anything to hurt the relationship. I was playing beer pong and out of the blue on of her friends got really close and pushed me in a playful manner. my brain instantly thought she was trying to kiss me and that I leaned in a bit and would have let her. This all happened in half a second so I had no time to react or think. By the time my brain could asses the situation and realize one she would never try and kiss me and two I had no intension on kissing anyone but my girlfriend. The situation was over and I was left thinking would I have let her kiss me if she tried and why in that split second did I feel like I leaned in an inch. I can't shake it and I don't wanna bring it up to her again because it sounds stupid. What should I do, I keep wondering what I would have done she tried am I I bad guy
 As many times as I tell my self I would have stopped her I can't get my brain to believe it and it hurts me.
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Offline nathanjh

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2014, 07:01:20 PM »
Please anyone have some insight
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2014, 01:53:57 AM »
This sounds like OCD. I heard about one of my brothers-in-OCD who was engaged to a beautiful Italian woman. But every time he even looked at another woman, even on a poster somewhere, he felt intense guilt as though he cheated on her and would feel the compulsion to confess.

Thoughts are not reality. I know this probably won't help, but if someone told you about the time they went to a party and didn't cheat on their girlfriend, would you consider that person bad? That's the story you're telling here. Everyone thinks about extra-relationship romance, it's human. But the OCD makes us obsess about it in a way that makes us feel like we're cheaters when nothing has happened.

In fact, it's established that people with OCD intrusive thoughts are almost guaranteed to not act on those thoughts because they fundamentally run contrary to our impossibly high moral standards. I often tell my therapist that I'm a moral perfectionist trapped in a human mind.

And btw, confession is a part of the OCD loop. Even when your girlfriend says, "uh, what you're telling me is not worth confessing, it's no big deal," you probably immediately think, "she doesn't get it! I didn't confess enough! I didn't confess honestly enough!" Which of course the OCD latches onto as further proof that you're a bad person. You're not. The OCD just wants you to think that you are.

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I'm not crazy, I've just lost my mind

Offline nathanjh

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2014, 06:36:41 PM »
TFair.  you that kinda helped I was able to even get over it for a few days. But just today it came back. I'm trying to wait it out and not think about. But it keeps sneaking in like the situation happen so fast it doesn't seem Fair. Anyone go through this and have some advice
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2014, 07:56:58 PM »
When it comes back like this, it's completely normal. Tell yourself, "It's the OCD talking, it's just the OCD." Now, of course I'm diagnosing you when I have NO business to. You should get a qualified Pdoc to actually diagnose you. You probably should be on an SSRI. SSRIs help with OCD, but it takes a while. Find a pdoc and get an evaluation.

This is an obsession. The content of an obsession is irrelevant. OCD will latch onto ANYTHING that causes you the slightest anxiety and doubt and blow it way Way WAY out of proportion. That's the disorder.

I just the other day posted in the OCD forum about Peter Sellers. Read that post and watch the clip. If you can try and inject humor into your obsession somehow, it goes a long way to demystifying the disorder, taking its power.

You are not the person the obsession is projecting.

The two things you should know are:
This is Treatable
This is Temporary
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I'm not crazy, I've just lost my mind

Offline nathanjh

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2014, 08:33:12 PM »
Thank you for your help I'll keep battling. I realize I really did nothing wrong and that my brain just wants me to believe that atm. Hopefully I'll get past it soon thanks for your help
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2014, 12:09:43 AM »
You're welcome, of course. Keep battling. And if'n you can get help, privately or through school, get it. If it is OCD, it's chronic. OCD never goes away, but it is treatable.

And take it from a man more than twice your age, even if you HAD cheated on your girlfriend, that does not define the person you are. Nor would it define the woman who might cheat on you. Good people make mistakes all the time. Big mistakes, little mistakes, and everything in between. You're still learning who you are in your twenties, you're bound to do things you regret. I certainly did. Only now, I don't regret them. They're just things I did, some of them I'm now glad I did even.

You will not get through your life unscathed and pure. You will look at other women, fantasize about them, flirt with them, and your girlfriend will do the same thing with men, or women if that's what she turns out to be into. And it's okay. We are humans. We are evolved to be attracted to people. If you were never attracted to other people, THAT would be something to worry about.

Good luck, get treatment if you can, you're a good person. I know because bad people don't even feel guilty about bad things they've actually done, while you feel guilty about something you never did. You will make mistakes, but you aren't capable of being a bad person.

MyOCDragon
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Offline Revenga1979

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2014, 09:51:22 AM »
Hi There,

You sound an awful lot like me and I have GAD with OCD.  I don't have the same confession issue as with you, however the opposite where I'm afraid to confess how I feel about issue A or issue B. I dwell on it over and over and over and over without relief.  It will consume all my thoughts all the time until I can't concentrate on anything else. 
The best thing I ever did was sit down my boyfriend and explain how my two anxiety disorders work together and what kind of thoughts were running through my head.  This gave him the chance to tell me how he felt about me in a way I never really knew and allowed him to understand why I have irrational fears I can't let go of.

Have you discussed your anxiety issues with your girlfriend?  It might be helpful for you as it was for me.

Also I just wanted to let you know.  You didn't kiss the friend that was the important thing, you have nothing to be guilty over :)

Stay strong
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: relationship issues confession anxiety
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2014, 02:05:38 PM »
I'm curious, Revenga, and feel free to not answer, I won't feel slighted, or offended or anything, if you're in treatment or on meds. I've found that prozac has really helped with my OCD, and I was just curious about how you manage it.
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I'm not crazy, I've just lost my mind

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