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Author Topic: Anxiety does not stop, teen with anxiety ready to give up, how can I cope?  (Read 1142 times)

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Offline Paws

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I have a 12 yr old daughter who feels the same as you.  I go from being understanding and super nice and kind to her, to frustrated with her when I try my best to be so nice but she lashes out at me with such extreme anger.  I wish I can take her pain away.  We tried Xanax, and even at high doses it did not help.  While this is unusual, it's not unheard of that Xanax does not work for some people.  So now she is on Lexapro but have not seen relief after 5 weeks.  We have a doc appt today, and maybe he will increase the dose from 15 mg to 20 mg.  That being said, I have read that some meds work for many, but not for all, and that it may take several trials of meds to find the one that works.  And this med sometimes take 8 weeks to see results.  It's such a long wait!  So that is our journey, and I urge you to hang on.  I would be devastated if my daughter gave up, if fact, never would be happy again.  Please keep trying different meds until you find the one that works, and when you find some relief, do CBT therapy as this combo of meds and CBT is found most effective in studies.

Sarah, anxiety never starts on its own. Most of the times there's a cause for it. Is your daughter unhappy or distressed about something? She probably won't tell you straight away, but take it slow. Try to understand her. People with anxiety are extremely defensive of their thoughts, and it takes a lot of understanding before they have the courage to open up. I may assume things here, but I think your daughter feels misunderstood and that is why she lashes out instead of explaining what the problem is. She thinks it's either too silly/ too personal, or there's no way you can actually help her. Being nice is a double edged sword. To an anxiety sufferer, a person who is overly nice to you might not seem genuine. You get the feeling they don't completely understand you.

My advice here? Continue on with the treatment, but keep in mind anxiety is a psychological condition. Sure, there are physical symptoms associated with it, but they won't vanish if the root of all evil isn't plucked. Have a heart to heart conversation with your daughter and find out what truly bothers her. Can be school/a secret crush/ a misdeed or simply a secret. That's the cause. Work on solving the cause and everything will settle back into place.
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Offline 59Ballons

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I totally relate to you, kid. I'm 15 years old too, and have struggled with this anxiety for a long time. I used to be petrified about every little thing wrong with me. I had a slight fever a few months ago, and I literally did not put the thermometer down from my ear for weeks. Whenever my temp went above 98.6F, I freaked out, and because of that, I got warmer, sending my temp up to 99F, and I was convinced that I had a serious illness. All of this unnecessary worrying lead to an upset stomach, and diarrhea, which was my biggest fear besides vomiting... which I had a SEVERE phobia of when I was only 6 or 7 years old. But my anxiety got SO much worse than yours... I'm dealing with issues that you can't even begin to imagine. Please try and calm down. The fact is, things could always get worse, so be happy that you are like what you are now, and I'd do anything to go back to my old self when I was *just* freaking out about getting sick. I went through a period of deep thinking and philosophical thoughts, leading to solipsism and a bunch of other things, including depersonalization, and I didn't even feel *real* anymore. It was a struggle to even get out of bed and all throughout the day I had mini panic attacks and I was constantly freaking out over the face that I was *alive*. I have been coaxing myself out of this dark hole for a week or so now (knock on wood) and I'm feeling better. Now I don't think that I'll ever be anxious about the incredibly useless nuisance to my life of worrying about being sick... because I was scared of life itself. That put things into a major perspective for me. This sounds incredibly harsh and ass-holeish: but to be honest, what you are dealing with now is easily beatable, and its just downright silly.
When you hear the words "thats what help is for" and "there is professional help" and "medication only takes the edge off", I'm sure you worry and think that this is going to be a long, drawn-out process. But honestly, WE'RE FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. Before my dark period of life, I was worrying about getting sick and all that... but it got worse for me because I'm a really deep thinker. But just remember that ***** IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. There are people living in dirt shacks in Ethiopia who are struggling to drink sewage to live another day on this earth... and here we are living in a 21st century world with plenty to eat and drink, contemplating ***** because we feel anxious. Take a deep breath and calm down. Watch a movie or something like I did when I felt anxious. Go out and socialize.

**** Also, the root of your problem is *probably* being afraid of being sick, or messing up, or something like that. Take comfort in the fact that those are just thoughts, and they cant hurt you unless you give into them... becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy, making you feel sick, which is what you are freaked out about happening in the first place.
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Offline sarahsmith

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My daughters always been an anxious little kid.  Got embarrassed easily & would have a meltdown.  Seemed like she had this inner struggle with wanting to do something, trying to, then running from it with anxiety.  The root of my daughters MAJOR anxiety though was when she switched schools and was basically shunned by her classmates all through 6th grade.  I am a school teacher and pretty understanding and chilled, but over this past year I've developed the patience of a saint and we are VERY close.  She tells me I am her best friend as she can tell me anything (which I am sure is not completely true).  She feels misunderstood most definitely.  Because she has anxiety but I am trying to get her to the tutor (being homebound schooled by the school district presently) and then trying to get her to complete her homework (even if it's just her telling me the answers while I write them, or just listening to the book while I read it).  So I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Failing school would definitely be bad for her anxiety, but being the one that has to prod her to do her work makes her very angry with me as she feels she simple can't with the anxiety she feels.  She really needs a break for all stress.
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Offline bodhi

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I recommend doing TEA Forms from the book which continue to help me. Many people on this forum say TEA Forms actually cured them.

Also "Calculating the Probability of Danger" which made me realize the for all my worst fears I realistically have a 99% chance of being just fine. Check out page 6:

Also, be sure to read the success stories part of this forum:,81.0.html
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How I Deal with Anxiety: