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Author Topic: I don't know who I am anymore  (Read 399 times)

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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: I don't know who I am anymore
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2014, 02:36:42 PM »
My OCD hits the worst in the mornings as well. By the evening when my kids go to bed and I can relax it quiets down and occasionally, blissfully disappears altogether.

I'm working on my insomnia with my pdoc. I used to take ambien regularly, and while it helped me ease my anxieties, it wouldn't provide more than a few hours of sleep. My pdoc dislikes ambien so he put me on a small dose of trazodone at bed. It's non habit forming and is slowly adjusting my sleep cycles to be longer and more restive. I noticed my OCD, depression, and GAD improved in the mornings with the better sleep. Might be something to consider.
Much luck to you!
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I'm not crazy, I've just lost my mind

Offline emmiesuz

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Re: I don't know who I am anymore
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2014, 06:04:05 PM »
DeLellis123,

I can't tell you how much I feel EXACTLY what you are feeling.  The article you posted hit me like a ton of bricks.  Nobody understands when I try to explain these things.  I actually copy and pasted it into an email to my therapist.  THANK YOU!!!!
Please know there is at least one person out there who is in the same pain you are.  Maybe these thoughts will resonate with you....
I could be in a normal situation, doing something I love (I am a dancer, dance teacher), and all of a sudden i detach.  It feels like I am fake.  Not real.  I then experience terror that I'm going crazy and that I am going to say something completely inappropriate because its not actually me talking.....I'm not in control of what I say or do.  I guess this all ties in with anxiety and OCD, right?
Its awful....I could be having a great time with people I love and all of a sudden I'm not really there. 
Or all day today I tried to have a relaxing Sunday at home.  I read on my bed for 2 hours but was on edge the whole time.  Couldnt relax.  Felt like an alien.....like totally disconnected from myself, my spirit, my soul.  I feel like I have lost my center.  The true me I used to be so connected with.  Do you ever feel like this? Like every day I feel like this, life is passing me by and I am wasting precious time.....not feeling, not being fully engaged, not fully enjoying.  Any time I have a good feeling, immediately the thought comes into my head that It could all end tomorrow....I could die tomorrow....I have wasted so much of my youth and now its pointless to be happy.....its not a REAL happy feeling....its fake.
Ugh.  It feels so calming to know someone else goes through it but I am so tired.  I want it fixed.  I want this to go away.
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I don't know who I am anymore
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2014, 11:03:41 PM »
Glad I can help :). It is very frightening when it occurs. I'm interested in seeing the movie with Matthew perry. Another good technique is to wear a rubber band on your wrist ( not too hard obviously) when it hits. Also when it occurs, accept it don't fight it. Mine is getting better, I was actually getting to the point where I had to actually touch my body cause it was so weightless.
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Offline bluecanary

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Re: I don't know who I am anymore
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2014, 01:44:07 PM »
Thank you for this post, DeLellis. I suffer from most, if not all, of the symptoms listed for DPAFU. I've experienced depersonalization and derealization before, and I think I was oversimplifying them as only feeling like I or the world around me isn't real. The part that especially rings true for me at the moment is the bit about "spend[ing] excessive amounts of time worrying about abstract, existential, metaphysical or hypochondriacal issues, such as the meanings of words, how other people experience the world, the meaning of life and concepts of ***** and time." So often I find myself wondering about these kinds of things. What is reality? What are we as people? Why are we here? How did we come to be here? The whole concept strikes me as so strange and alien that it scares me. Also, the feeling of disconnection is where I think my worries about delusions come from. I'm constantly "testing" myself to see if I believe in certain things, and when I can't clearly see the answer, it scares the living daylights out of me. The minute my anxiety starts to fade, though, the worries about being delusional usually do, too.

I'm going to see if I can order the book recommended on the page. I've always wanted to try CBT, and I think this could be very helpful.
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