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Author Topic: I'm a new mom, and my lymphoma fears are coming back :(  (Read 230 times)

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Offline Brooke2288

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I'm a new mom, and my lymphoma fears are coming back :(
« on: April 25, 2014, 08:23:29 PM »
I am a new mom of twin girls. I just had them on March 26 so they are a month old now. I love them so much and they are such a joy, but during my whole pregnancy I feared that my health anxiety would spiral out of control when my girls were born because of the scary thought of not being around for them. I have had a fear of lymphoma for almost 6 years. I always find new lymph nodes and every time I think "ok, this is really lymphoma this time" and I'm always wrong, considering it's been some time and I'd probably be really sick by now if I had lymphoma. I've kept my mind off of my lymphoma fears since they have been born, probably because I've been too busy to think about it. But today, for some stupid reason, I decided to start feeling around on my neck. When I turn my head to either side and run my fingers down the sides of my neck, I feel a bunch of little bumps. I don't know if these are lymph nodes or something else but they are really freaking me out. I just want to stop worrying about lymphoma so I can fully be there for my girls. Sometimes when I look at them, I get a sinking feeling about the possibility of not being around for them and it makes me so sad  :(
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: I'm a new mom, and my lymphoma fears are coming back :(
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2014, 09:10:43 PM »
Congratulations, first of all.  I was just wonder if you'd had your little girls yet.

As you know, it hasn't been lymphoma any of the other times, so it probably isn't now.  Being able to feel lymph nodes isn't worrisome by itself. 
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Offline Brooke2288

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Re: I'm a new mom, and my lymphoma fears are coming back :(
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2014, 11:23:15 PM »
My rational mind tells me that it was never lymphoma those other times, so it probably isn't now. My health anxious mind tells me that this time is different...I wish my rational mind was around all the time, but I guess that's how health anxiety works!
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Offline hamsterswheel

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Re: I'm a new mom, and my lymphoma fears are coming back :(
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2014, 05:03:53 AM »
Congratulations Brooke on your babies!

I understand as I was a wreck after having my second baby. I think the post Partum hormones make things worse.

Since my baby's birth I started feeling my neck too(he just turned a year) and could feel what you are describing. I was never away from my gp asking her to exine my neck. Every time she would say they were not lymph nodes. I then saw and ENT twice and he also told me no lymph nodes were swollen and he could not even feel what I was going on about. But still it ate me up. I was convinced they were missing it.

So I eventually went for an ultrasound sono about 2 months ago. And they lumps I was feeling was normal muscle tissue! There were no swollen lymph nodes and then I asked the doctor to scan the bit of my neck I was terrified about and there was absolutely nothing other than normal tissue and muscle. Not even any nodes!!!

I spent a year Brooke in a state of panic believing I had all these neck nodes I could feel. I was wrong. You know you have a habit of feeling around for things as I understand as I can be the same. But see when you so this, it always always always leads to a bad path and we have no clue what we are feeling so we assume it's sinister every time.
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Offline Brooke2288

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Re: I'm a new mom, and my lymphoma fears are coming back :(
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2014, 03:06:00 PM »
I was hoping that what I am feeling is just muscle or fatty tissue, so your reply is very reassuring! I'm going to try hard to stop feeling around and shift my focus on my girls, since they need me more than my health anxious mind does!
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