I'm having serious trouble focusing today. I've spent days where my brain just refuses to turn on. I don't think it's ADD because it's not like I can't focus. It's like there is nothing in my head to focus on. I feel like I can't think straight. Like it's physically painful to try to focus. I've been told that if I don't think about it it will pass faster. I'm getting a headache from trying to force myself to think, and I feel as if I was smarter before I started getting anxiety attacks. Is there medication that will give me my edge back? I should try to force myself to work sitting here thinking about how I can't think straight isn't helping me, but I don't know how much actual work I can get done in this state. I need my intellect to do my job but I feel as if my anxiety has stolen my intellect and I'm scared that it won't come back.
I've also been having some trouble with communicating lately. How am I supposed to explain technical subjects to other people when I feel as if I can't always form a coherent thought? I found that communicating in writing is sometimes easier than communicating in person because I can read over what I write. I guess that's one coping mechanism that works for the spaciness. The other thing I can do is listen to music. That doesn't help the spaciness but it makes me less frustrated by it. I feel like I'm trying to function with my brain at half capacity. Even if I can learn to function like this I don't want to because I want my full intellect back. And there is always that fear in the back of my mind.
What if it's not anxiety? What if there actually is something wrong with my brain? I don't want to think about that but I have some symptoms that make me wounder. Like sometimes I will forget words randomly. I've been told that people can tell when I'm having an episode based on the sound of my voice. I mean my episodes started really bad. Could they really be that bad and just be caused by anxiety?
If I just sit here waiting for the spaciness to fade it probably won't so I need to actively do something. But there isn't anything I actually want to do.