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Author Topic: Quitting drinking, Quitting Smoking. Left with myself.  (Read 200 times)

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Offline modestaustin811

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Quitting drinking, Quitting Smoking. Left with myself.
« on: April 23, 2014, 12:38:14 PM »
I don't know how to start this.

My name's Austin. I have an anxiety and depression disorder of some kind. Been diagnosed with them all ocd, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, major depression. I've been dealing with these issues on off for the better part of 7 years now. I'm 23 at the moment and in school, living in a somewhat new city.
Right now i'm in a bad place, and I don't know what to do. I've quit drinking, I find after a night out the anxiety is just too bad for the following days after. It's been 2 and half weeks since my last night out. I'm losing friends because of this. I've quit smoking. I can't smoke, the smoking causes intense panic attacks, especially the first smoke of the day, my heart goes nuts, I feel like I'm dying. I've called many ambulances because of this.

I stopped smoking before, in February 2013 and I slipped into a pretty heavy depressive period. It was hell, I started smoking again this past october after meeting a girl who smoked. It got me back in the habit. I really liked this girl, I miss her. I miss her every day, but I said somethings to her because of my anxiety, and just fucked it up. She was only in the city for an exhange, and now she's across the atlantic ocean. She won't speak to me and I'll never see her again.
I felt like smoking relieved a lot of my depression, I know it has anti depressant qualities. but my anxiety is just too bad when I'm smoking them. Constant worry of my health, constant fear of dying. So it's a catch 22 really. If I smoke, intense anxiety, little depression. If don't smoke little anxiety, intense depression. I don't know which ones better.

I'm sure a lot of you will recommend medication. I'm working with a mental health team here in Toronto. Back in january I tried out Zoloft. On the 5th day I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. I have a history of drug use, and I felt like i was on a bad batch of MDMA or speed. Crazy 6 hour panic attack in a hospital where I had security guards holding me down cause I couldn't keep still. It was a pretty frightening experience. And trying medication again really fucking scares me.
I'm just in a bad place. Constant fear of death, Constant fear of living. I could use some words of encouragement, or something. Just even reading all this is fine enough. It's good to let it out.
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I'm not on any medication, not seeing a therapist, and I hate life.

Offline SummerSun41

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Re: Quitting drinking, Quitting Smoking. Left with myself.
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2014, 09:19:22 PM »
First of all, I just want to say good for you for quitting smoking and drinking. I know you're thinking "yeah right, this is pure hell" and I'm sure it might be right now. But stick with it and your health will greatly improve. I know a guy who had absolutely horrible panic attacks when he stop smoking, but after about two months they started fading away, and now he's happier than ever without his cigs. I just want to encourage you to stick with it.

Also, have you tried alternative methods of treating you anxiety & dep.? I would recommend distracting yourself with exercise (even if it's just going for a short walk every day- you have to MAKE YOURSELF do it!) and cutting out junk foods. Easier said than done right? Haha. But if exercise isn't enough to get all your stress out, try some natural depression/anxiety fighting supplements such as Omega 3, SAM-e, and St. John's Wort. All of them have been shown to decrease symptoms as well as anti-depressants and other meds. Research them to find out more if you'd like. If you go to Amazon and look for Omega 3's, be sure to read the reviews to find the best rated and tolerated supplements. Also look into some self help books on Amazon- there are hundreds! My favorite is "Hope & Help for Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes.

Again I just want to say hang in there. You can conquer this beast- many people have (and I'm close!). It takes time and patience and listening to your body without trying to fight the uncomfortable feelings. Remind yourself of all the things you have to be thankful for, and then tell yourself you're strong enough to deal with these things- then hop to it! It doesn't have to control you. :)
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Offline Monica402

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Re: Quitting drinking, Quitting Smoking. Left with myself.
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2014, 11:53:12 AM »
Hello, my name is Monica. And I know first hand how it feels to lose friends because you cant go out and do the things they like to do. Even suffering from this as i have major Anxiety and GAD can make you feel so alone at times. But, you have to realize you are NOT alone and many of us are going threw the same exact thing. My only hope was medication because it got so bad. I understand the fear of dying because thats what it feels like at times. But. you have to keep fighting and  never  give up hope because their is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. It may not seem like it now but. in time you will find it.  CBT therapy is a great option. Learning to meditate is awesome, exerciseing and eating healthy are great to. I would speak to a PDOC and let him/ her know about your concerns of meds. Smokeing i agree is great for you quitting. If its not something you can tolerate right now thats ok. Hey, its better for you in the long run anyways. I would definately try not to stress over the women who has left you heart broken but, work on yourself first so you can be that man you want to be for the next person. I know that sounds harsh and im not meaning for it to but, the focus has to be on you and  you getting better. We all support you threw this battle that has left you feeling so terrible and  i hope all things get better for you on this journey. Stay Strong. And keep fighting. It cant hold you down unless you allow it to. Keep us  posted.
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Offline AncientMelody

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Re: Quitting drinking, Quitting Smoking. Left with myself.
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2014, 01:46:29 PM »
No good advice at the moment, but I just wanted to wish you well!
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