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Author Topic: Is this just more than Hypochondria?  (Read 141 times)

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Offline shane88

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Is this just more than Hypochondria?
« on: April 22, 2014, 06:48:30 PM »
Hi,

I haven't been on here for a long time because I was advised to stay away from resources on the internet and chat rooms. If my family or girlfriend knew I was on here, they wouldn't be best pleased. I also feel like a failure because I've ultimately let myself down.

I constantly need reassurance about my mental health and it's getting to the point now where I 'feel' that I have every mental health disorder that there is. My internet reassurance has steadily got back out of hand again and I'm currently spending hours upon hours, researching the internet regarding mental health conditions and applying all of them to certain aspects or traits of my personality.

This all started with physical symptoms back 5 years ago when I absolutely, 100% convinced myself that I had HIV/AIDS and this worry went on for about 6 months before I had enough courage to go to the health clinic. I was negatively diagnosed but the health fears continued for a long time which then included brain tumours, testicular cancer, digestive disorders and so on and the only relief that I got was to always get tested, wasting my time and the NHS's time. Everything always came back negative.

However, though I still have moments where I worry about physical illnesses, my main worries which have plagued me for 4 or so years now is that of mental disorders. I obsessively worry about every disorder and often bracket myself into a category if I suspect that I'm showing signs of the disorder. The problem is that, unlike physical illnesses where you can get a test done and see on paper the test results, the tests for mental disorders is somewhat harder and inconclusive.

This ultimately scares me and leaves me questioning everything.

The doctors and therapists have told me, multiple times, that I have no signs of these other disorders that I obsess about such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociate Disorder etc and also the absolute biggest of my fears which is the thought of going completely insane to the point where I'm institutionalised. The health care have told me that I have an anxiety disorder, pure ocd thoughts and depression but I struggle to believe that it's nothing more.

I just read through and asked myself "what do I hope to gain from this post" and I actually started to get upset because ultimately there is nothing that can convince me. I'm completely consumed by doubt.

I suppose I just wanted to talk to like minded people as it gives me the sense of someone understanding.

I apologise for the long post.

Shane. 
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Offline wegngis

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Re: Is this just more than Hypochondria?
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2014, 07:23:29 PM »
Well, you're right.  Ultimately there is no reassurance we, or anyone, can give you.  I know this because I am the same way.  Once all the tests say you're "ok" you simply need to go with it.  Period.  But I know you know that.  I know that.  It doesn't always help.  My best advice?  When the urge strikes you to google or research, find a distraction.  Anything you can that will occupy your mind.  In many ways it's like an addiction.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline shane88

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Re: Is this just more than Hypochondria?
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2014, 05:47:40 AM »
Thanks for the reply. Appreciate it.

I know that I need to stop seeking reassurance but I've fallen back into it and it's becoming seriously concerning. I thought more people may reply and say they feel the same too but I guess people have different problems to me.

I just feel so alone.

Thanks again for the reply.

Shane.
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Offline wegngis

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Re: Is this just more than Hypochondria?
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2014, 11:23:53 AM »
I thought more people may reply and say they feel the same too but I guess people have different problems to me.

Quite honestly, I agree with you.  There are many on here that I've read have the same issues.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

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