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Offline bluecanary

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Overwhelmed
« on: April 21, 2014, 02:17:04 PM »
I'm feeling so "off" lately... when my anxiety gets really ramped up, I feel hazy and "out of it," almost as though I've been drugged or something. I drive myself crazy monitoring EVERYTHING for any sign that something is wrong. Every thought I have, every physical sensation gets obsessed over. If I have a thought that strikes me as weird, or any kind of twinge at ALL in my body, I start obsessing that there's something mentally or physically very wrong with me.

It doesn't help that the past several months have been a period of high stress. My fiance and I are planning our wedding, and while that's definitely an exciting time, I also worry about getting everything done, and I feel like I'm constantly under pressure to get things done. I feel as though every moment of my day is occupied, but at the end of the day, the house is still messy, bills are piling up, I'm not moving forward with my writing career the way I'd like, and I feel like I haven't gotten a thing accomplished. I feel like a failure.

What isn't really helping me in all this is that I feel as though we're constantly traveling. While I like traveling on occasion, we're doing it way too frequently. We live in Los Angeles, and my fiance's family is in San Diego. Because it's so close, we've been going to visit them practically every other weekend, and between time in the car (it can take over 4 hours each way if the traffic is bad, which it often is) and the stress of dealing with my in-laws (they're mostly good people, but like a lot of in-laws, they do some things that make me crazy), it's really starting to drain on me. We were there this past weekend for Easter, two weeks before that for an event with friends that my fiance wanted to go to, and he'll be going two weeks after that because he has training for work down there, and the weekend after that for Mother's Day. I'm just getting so tired of going down there so much. This coming weekend we'll be flying to Boston for a friend's wedding, and I'm getting anxious just thinking about that - I used to be pretty okay with flying until recently. I don't know why, but I get more nervous when I'm on planes now than I was about a year or two ago at this time. It's probably just aggravating the stress I'm constantly feeling the rest of the time.

The worst part is, I'm not sure if there's any end in sight for all this stress. The wedding is in June, so we won't have to worry about the planning anymore after that, but who knows how frequent our visits to the in-laws' will be? I'm kind of hoping that once we start having kids, I'll have more of an "excuse" not to go down there so much, but obviously I'm not going to start having children with the express purpose of getting out of traveling. Besides, becoming a parent will come with a whole new set of worries.

I'm just frustrated with myself that I feel like I can't cope with stress. I feel like life in general is only going to get more stressful from here on out, and if I can't deal now, how am I ever going to deal in the future? It doesn't take much for me to feel pressured and overwhelmed. I just wish I could figure out how to manage things better when life starts to get busy so that I'm in a good position when the pressure's really on. I want to know that I can cope with difficult things, and right now I feel completely helpless to do that at all. Any suggestions?  :(
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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2014, 05:18:16 PM »
You have a lot of things going on right now and I felt like you're feeling not too long ago. My fiance' and I were constantly busy. When we weren't working we were going and hanging out with people and when we weren't doing that, we were at home being asked to go here and do 'this' or do 'that'. It was just all too much for me, especially after starting a 40 hour a week job for the first time in many years and moving an hour away from my friends to live with his family. It was just a lot...

I find when things get crazy like that, it's time to take a step back and take some time for you. Why not stay home one weekend instead of tagging along? You aren't obligated to always say yes :) Saying "no" is something we are taught not to do because we worry about hurting feelings or appearing rude but at the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life and it sounds like you need some time to regroup, maybe focus on relaxing or on your writing? Sit down and write it out if that's something you're into or just lay around in your PJs for a day or two and watch movies you love.

Do something different and I think you won't feel so stuck and stressed :D You can only do what you can do... try not to pressure yourself to be what you think you have to be. You're only human!

Message me anytime if you want to chat! I hope that helped!
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Offline bluecanary

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Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2014, 08:26:48 PM »
Thank you for the response, Abeja. I've been conflicted, because I'm sure my fiance would like to have me with him when he goes, but at the same time, I feel like I'd be sitting around twiddling my thumbs for most of the day if I went with him, because he'll be working all day for the three days he's down there. I could also really use some time to do some projects around the house and try to decompress a bit. I would definitely love to have a movie day, although I don't know if I can force myself to sit around all day doing nothing, even if that's what I really want! I think you've helped me to make the decision to just take some time out, especially since we'll be back at the in-laws' the following weekend. Thank you!
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Offline Ange7894

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Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2014, 07:40:50 PM »
bluecanary,

I couldn't agree more with abeja's post. Self-care is crucial, especially for people like us. If we're too overwhelmed we start to feel out of control, which more times than not increases our anxiety. We NEED a moment of peace to get centered and feel calm. For me, I work full time, have a 4 year old, a husband, and am in graduate school getting my masters degree. My weekends are jam packed with housework (IF I can actually get to it), laundry, errands, school work, and maybe some family time if I can squeeze it in. There are days I just want to collapse into a weeping pile because I'm usually the last one that ever gets a moment of downtime. My job is incredibly stressful, and the second I walk in the door I have about 10 things to do. Then it's off to my room to get to work on school (I do online courses). If I don't do SOMETHING for myself I probably would have a breakdown. So once a month I treat myself to a massage. I also insist on reading a little before bed each night, even if I can barely keep my eyes open. Even if it's 10 minutes of solitude where I can lost in a book, it's something.

I agree that if you can stay home on some of these trips to his parents', do it! Your lives shouldn't revolve around seeing them every other weekend. If you have things to do, you need to do them. If they don't understand, well that's too bad for them. They're not living your life every day.

Good luck with the wedding plans.
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