Has anyone ever had a close relative die and not felt sad for it? two quest

[rara]

Has anyone ever had a close relative die and not felt sad for it?   I wasnt very close to my grandmother what with her living in another continent and all, i had only seen her twice both for a month period (on and /off) in my entire life and i had a lot of little cousins to look after when people were comming over before the funeral (where she lived) period.
Its not like i was happy about her dying but still I would have like to have feelt a little more. Dont respond "that maybe I would have wanted to know her better" because i didnt feel like that.

I just dont like death, i cant understand the fact that someone just leaves and never comes back but i believe in God. I know this means i do feel something but look up for an asnwer to that.
 
Feelt physical symptoms, like asthma when panicing ore experiating an anxiety only ironicaly not knowing which they are until youre anxiety free? Feelt bordom as an anxiety?     
 
How many more than me thinks that women suppression ore not among housewifes is not the main subject but what is best for the children. Now in sweden the children can go to kindagarden when there one year old, pre-school at 6 years old ore first grade, 6-7 years old, thats for the parents/parent to decide.
In consideration for what the child wants and what is convenient for the parents/parent, to not let youre child go to kindagarden is to smother the kids with the same guradians around EVERY WHERE and ALL THE TIME. The child is also left dependent on the guradians social life and that social lifes children atmosphere.
Why shouldnt children be considerd for their individualistic emacipational needs for they maybe children but they are also little people?
I for one think that isolation is very unhealthy cause for any number of anxieties.

what coloure, sense analogie is youre bordom? mine is mind blowing gloomy grey.
can you identifye the source/s of youre OCD, youre habits wether thoughts ore actions ore both, and the nature of them?

I just like a lot of people comparing.

/contemplating.    

[Peter]

Sad is relative... if you are 'down' in the first place do you if you are sad or not? A standard defgence mechanism by the mind is to 'plateau'  Keep itself even....level. Dont get upset dont get happy... If you experince joy you can experince despair. The highest hill followed by the deepest valley. The mind tries to stop it... and walk a level path.
Just survival.