Ok so I made a dr apt today, this is huge for me because I have been afraid to go to the dr for awhile. Well technically it's with the nurse practitioner but I figure she will do a good job. I am afraid of having a complete breakdown on her. I get so nervous every time I go to the doctor, I become a complete mess and I am afraid that's all they will see, a mess. What's bothering me is a couple things. One is I have been poking the glands in my neck and now the one on the right side feels weird, I don't know how to describe it, not really painful just like I am more aware of it's presence if that makes sense. I also feel like there is a lump on the actually lymph node, sometimes I can find it other times I can't. So of course I do the thing you shouldn't do and I google, and now I am convinced I have lymphoma, and I have had also two break downs at work thinking about dying and being away from my husband and son. I hate this! Also I had a physical done a year and a half ago and everything was good then, as in all my tests came back normal, but now I am terrified to get blood work because I got myself so worked up last time waiting for the results I almost had a stroke. Sorry to be rambling but it feels kind of good to at least get all of this out of my head for a second. The second thing I want to ask her about is my costochondritis, I was diagnosised with this over a year ago from picking up my toddler, my dr knowing I worry excessively said it wasn't indicative of anything serious, but I am still having the pain, maybe because I am still picking up my son? I will say it has got some what better, but not 100% so obviously my mind has convinced me it's some type of bone cancer or metastatic breast cancer. Ok so obviously cancer is my obsessive disease of choice. I was taking lexapro for awhile and it helped so I tapered off and have been off for awhile. I started feeling my anxiety taking over again so I had my dr call in lexapro for my, only this time I have been having crazy bowels issues from it, and I know it's from the meds because when I stopped taking them the problem went away. I want to tell the nurse practiced about of this but I am afraid I won't be able to make it through without crying. Anyone else experience this?