I'm now almost 22, but have suffered from trichotillomania since I was very young. I picked up the behavior from a girl at church, but mine just never stopped. I do not have the typical urge to pull out my hair at all - I just compulsively want to get rid of the split ends. So, instead I break off the ends, but I do end up losing hair too. It's a behavior that goes along with my anxiety, and it makes a mess and makes me look terrible. No one but my parents know I actually have it...I have never been able to tell friends, or even my husband, though the fact that my hair is really uneven and short is obvious.
I found beckie0 on YouTube last year and I have appreciated her speaking out about the disorder. I just can't seem to publicly own up to it. I am constantly jealous of everyone around me with "normal" hair, and I think about it allllll the time. My thoughts about how terrible I look lead to more pulling, because they make me anxious, and I think as I'm pulling that I'm only making the problem worse, but I often can't stop. I haven't been able to go to a hairdresser since I was 14. Too much anxiety. My sister had to do my hair for my wedding because I won't let professionals touch it for fear of them knowing about my disorder.
I figure this might be a good place to talk about this particular disorder. I have never really talked about it with anyone else who has it...would love some support and advice!