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Author Topic: Too Aware  (Read 191 times)

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Offline Buddy122

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Too Aware
« on: April 19, 2014, 11:06:36 PM »
Well, I have GAD and panic disorder and have lead a relatively normal life up until about two months ago when I had the worst panic attack of my life. It was to the point where I was shaking uncontrollably, mimicking a seizure. I've been through the slew of doctors, tests, meds, etc.....and the result is always the same....test are normal, you suffer from anxiety, seek therapy. I'm apprehensive of therapy because I have people to talk to and no secrets to hide, so Idk what underlying causes they could unearth. Plus I have a psychology degree so it would be like watching a magic show already knowing how the tricks are done.  I haven't had a full blown panic attack in the last two weeks, however....every day I wake up and immediately feel lightheaded, pressure all around my head, dizzy etc. I don't always feel 'on edge' but the feelings in my head are concerning. I'm aware of my anxiety, too aware. I'm aware of every breath I take, literally every breath. The pressure in my head maneuvers itself with each inhale and exhale I take like the ebb and flow of the ocean's waves....sounds elaborate, but that's literally the best way I can describe this feeling. Im not OCD, I don't think I'm going to die, I don't have any specific visual triggers (open to the possibility that there are some though), and I honestly don't harp onj negative thoughts. I'm anxious of my anxiety, I'm fearful of my fear, I'm afraid of being atraid. This head pressure and overall anxiety BS has become debilitating. Some days are hopeful and others are hopeless. I've been on effexor, lexapro, Zoloft, buspar, and hydroxizine...all of which make everything worse. I've attempted self-medicating with xanax on occasion when I get to the point of tears or my insomnia will not subside. I'm sure that's not the healthiest option but it works after I get over the anxiety of taking the pill. Anyways....I'm hoping I'm not alone with this. Just looking for support and kind words. Does anyone. Else have this intense head pressure? Will it ever go away? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with it or get rid of it? Also, on another yet similar note....does anyone suffer with HPPD...Hallucinogenic persistent Perceptual Disorder? I feel like some of my vision issues are characteristic of this....but could also be my intense anxiety. I'm a mess! Help!
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Too Aware
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2014, 05:30:13 AM »
I'll just talk about therapy because I don't suffer from any of the other things you suffer from. You say you can't see any reason for it. Yet you say you are a mess. That would be one good reason for it. You may have degree that teaches you what certain therapists do. But not all therapists do the same thing. If you had all the answers you wouldn't be suffering. A good therapist would show you ways to deal with things. Not just sit and talk to you. They would give you small exercises to do between sessions. You know I once met a therapist in a pych hospital. He was a patient. He needed therapy just like the rest of us. I did ask him was odd. The sort of question you would ask a person you know who works in that sort of job himself. He said his wife was also a therapist and it was her who suggested he got treatment. We all know the theory by now. Those of us who have had anxiety disorders for years. We have seen it all. But there is still loads we can learn. Therapy is always changing. Mindfulness is their latest craze. Something Buddhists have been using for hundreds of years. The West has woken up to it and claimed it as something new. Medication is only part of the answer. Therapy is another part. Hard work by us is the final part.
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Offline Possum-Pie

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Re: Too Aware
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2014, 06:44:01 AM »
Well, I have GAD and panic disorder and have lead a relatively normal life up until about two months ago when I had the worst panic attack of my life. It was to the point where I was shaking uncontrollably, mimicking a seizure. I've been through the slew of doctors, tests, meds, etc.....and the result is always the same....test are normal, you suffer from anxiety, seek therapy. I'm apprehensive of therapy because I have people to talk to and no secrets to hide, so Idk what underlying causes they could unearth. Plus I have a psychology degree so it would be like watching a magic show already knowing how the tricks are done.  I haven't had a full blown panic attack in the last two weeks, however....every day I wake up and immediately feel lightheaded, pressure all around my head, dizzy etc. I don't always feel 'on edge' but the feelings in my head are concerning. I'm aware of my anxiety, too aware. I'm aware of every breath I take, literally every breath. The pressure in my head maneuvers itself with each inhale and exhale I take like the ebb and flow of the ocean's waves....sounds elaborate, but that's literally the best way I can describe this feeling. Im not OCD, I don't think I'm going to die, I don't have any specific visual triggers (open to the possibility that there are some though), and I honestly don't harp onj negative thoughts. I'm anxious of my anxiety, I'm fearful of my fear, I'm afraid of being atraid. This head pressure and overall anxiety BS has become debilitating. Some days are hopeful and others are hopeless. I've been on effexor, lexapro, Zoloft, buspar, and hydroxizine...all of which make everything worse. I've attempted self-medicating with xanax on occasion when I get to the point of tears or my insomnia will not subside. I'm sure that's not the healthiest option but it works after I get over the anxiety of taking the pill. Anyways....I'm hoping I'm not alone with this. Just looking for support and kind words. Does anyone. Else have this intense head pressure? Will it ever go away? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with it or get rid of it? Also, on another yet similar note....does anyone suffer with HPPD...Hallucinogenic persistent Perceptual Disorder? I feel like some of my vision issues are characteristic of this....but could also be my intense anxiety. I'm a mess! Help!

I have a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology, and I have found that a crappy therapist IS like a poor magician.  I see through everything the try to do and it is worthless.  The secret is getting a GOOD therapist.  They don't put a bunch of canned techniques up like they are going to miraculously cure you, they just act as a tour guide helping you work through the anxiety.  The old Freudian shrinks that try to tie everything to some sexual idea about your mother are worthless.  Find someone who is cognitive who will ask "What's wrong? What are you doing to fix it? How's it working for you?"
For me a LARGE part of the problem is my total caffeine intake in the day...More caffeine...more anxiety.  It isn't that simple, but often I become slowly aware that I had 3 cups of coffee before noon, and now at 3pm I'm very nervous.
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Offline Buddy122

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Re: Too Aware
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2014, 10:06:33 AM »
Thank you for the responses so far guys. I am in the process of saving up money to start seeing a therapist because that, unfortunately, is not covered by my insurance. In relation to caffeine, I've cut that out, as well as alcohol and any drugs. I've made some dietary changes too. Eating healthy, non regular excercise, lots of water, fish oil supplements etc. I feel like I'm doing everything right but yet I'm plagued with feeling overwhelmed still. That said, I'm still alive. I'm still going to work today and going to fight past the feelings. You're right that I need to find a good therapist and not one that just throws the book at me so to speak. I had a good childhood and no more worries now than this time last year so that Freud BS wouldn't fly anyway lol. Again, thanks for some responses and I look forward to more and contributing to this forum.
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Offline radiance_94

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Re: Too Aware
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2014, 10:16:38 AM »
You are not alone...I feel this way alot too. I feel as if i go through a cycle. Some weeks it's good...that's usually when i'm busy and connected with others and the outside world. But then there are times, often during breaks, or when i'm at home that my anxiety really gets triggered. I'm aware of it all day and my head starts to hurt. There is so much pressure i feel like it's going to explode sometimes. I feel like i just can't stop thinking about my anxiety. I break down alot and ask myself, how can someone live like this? I try to calm myself by talking to people for reassurance and prayer helps too. But honestly I just wait to go back to school or work to keep myself busy, because that's what gets my mind off of it. It puts me in a more positive mood and out of that worried state. I've just started therapy and have never been on meds, so I can't relate to you in that sense. But I do believe that it can get better. It's a struggle, but we must work to get out of that struggle. It'll require hard work for sure, but it'll be worth it in the end :)
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Offline Buddy122

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Re: Too Aware
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2014, 06:31:17 PM »
It's unfortunate, yet comforting, to know other people have had rhe same issues that I've been experiencing. It'd be beneficial to pin down some triggers, if any at all, and work on those first.....definitely as opposition to self-medicating (which I do rarely). It's funny, I took half a mg of xanax to sleep last night and felt amazing this morning. Went to work with the best attitude and a smile on my face. Then out of nowhere I got this odd twinge of pain on the left side of my head and freaked out and had a minor attack. Within half an hour i was back to normal yet this strange feeling in my head will NOT subside. I'm seriously exhausted with the day to day struggle of attempting to function a 'normal' life. This isn't me.
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