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Author Topic: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.  (Read 521 times)

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Online Lindsay2427

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ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« on: April 19, 2014, 12:48:35 PM »
I truly cannot put into the words the amount of fear and anxiety I have over the flex sig on Monday. I'm ABSOUTELY ill over it. My Easter weekend is ruined. Knowing that in 48 hours I could either be getting my life back and put this behind me or being completely devistated. My anxiety was very relieved by the fact my blood work was perfect. I am not anemic and all of my organs are functioning properly but that was short lived. I am just terrified this rectal bleeding is CC. What else could it possobly be?? Yes I know im 26, have had 4 children, my legs are full of vericise veins from pregnancy and genetics, I can visibly see internal hems while looking with a mirror and straining  (forgive me ) but in my mind I am thinking the worse. I don't think I can handle this test. I am making myself almost ill with anxiety. 15 months of my life have been this. I want to cancel so bad but I know I need to so this scope.
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Offline Jenniferio

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2014, 02:08:41 PM »
I had a sig  flex years ago and they found internal hemorrhoids.  It was super super easy.  Real quick - over in a blink of an eye.  You get the results right then and there.  I didn't even have a doctor do it  - but done by a nurse, instead.  I bet you will be so happy and relieved it's over!
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Online Lindsay2427

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2014, 02:25:37 PM »
Were you bleeding??
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Offline rileybug

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2014, 02:44:37 PM »
We've talked before-you need to do it-and then move on for your kids.  It takes 5 minutes and then you'll have an answer.  Make sure to follow the prep so they can get a good lock.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2014, 03:15:48 PM »
No, you can't cancel!  B-; You're almost there, and you need to know. If you cancel the test all that will happen is that you'll go back to worrying yourself sick every single day. I know it's scary but it has to be done.

And if you haven't already, for the love of god, start taking that zoloft.

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Online Lindsay2427

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2014, 03:49:58 PM »
I know it's a quick answer and that's what I am most terrierfied of, the answer. I have had 2 completely natural drug free births so the procedure or pain is nothing to me. It's the results i fear the most. I  can not believe I am having rectal bleeding in the first place. It's a "C" symptom. I just can't handle it.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2014, 04:06:33 PM »
Lindsay, rectal bleeding can mean MANY things. You said yourself you have hems. Many of us have had or will have blood when passing a bowel movement at some point in our lives.

You should have had this test done fifteen months ago when this all started, but as you didn't, you owe it to yourself to grit your teeth and get through it now. Then you can start your therapy and put HA out of your life.
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Offline Nk904

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2014, 04:36:52 PM »
I had intense bleeding, abnormal stools and my mom passed of colon cancer. I got a colonoscopy and was fine. Trust me, you're ok.
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Online Lindsay2427

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2014, 05:01:57 PM »
I just can't stop crying. I'm holding my 2 year old sobbing. My head us full of those Internet horror stories of young CC victims. I wish I could just get this all over with today but I can't. My mind is consumed with what I'm going to do once she tells me what I'm fearing. My life is so amazing and I have so much still to do. I was actually HA free for a while until the stupid pancreatic cancer fear set in which made me obsessively watch my stool and then notice the bleeding and then cc fear was in full seing. the couple minths i stopped looking at my stiol was the best months i have had in a long time. then something clicks in my head and makes me get my flash light out and inspect every stool i pass so of course ill see something that looks like blood or is blood and im a wreck again. Back to google and reading stories of bloo in stool = CC. Even though there are about 10 aides for bleeding hems being #1 and CC being #10 I can only focus on #10.

I will be a wreck on that table getting the test done.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2014, 05:18:18 PM »
I just can't stop crying. I'm holding my 2 year old sobbing. My head us full of those Internet horror stories of young CC victims. I wish I could just get this all over with today but I can't. My mind is consumed with what I'm going to do once she tells me what I'm fearing. My life is so amazing and I have so much still to do. I was actually HA free for a while until the stupid pancreatic cancer fear set in which made me obsessively watch my stool and then notice the bleeding and then cc fear was in full seing. the couple minths i stopped looking at my stiol was the best months i have had in a long time. then something clicks in my head and makes me get my flash light out and inspect every stool i pass so of course ill see something that looks like blood or is blood and im a wreck again. Back to google and reading stories of bloo in stool = CC. Even though there are about 10 aides for bleeding hems being #1 and CC being #10 I can only focus on #10.

I will be a wreck on that table getting the test done.

Lindsay please don't let your children see you like this. It's not fair on them, especially when they're too young to understand. This is your burden alone.

And for the love of christ, STOP GOOGLING. STOP. NOW. Because it will fill your head with stories that your anxiety-addled brain will use as 'proof' that you have CC. You get upset about something, your brain searches for proof that it is worth worrying about, and you feed it 'evidence' by googling, which increases your worry. You are just winding yourself up further and further. Of COURSE CC is the first thing that comes up when you google 'blood in stools' - the most serious thing is always the first thing to come up. This is why we say don't google. That's why it's the golden rule. People on this site are trying to help you - "stop googling, take your zoloft, trust your doctor" - and you keep ignoring it. If you listened you might find yourself calming down.

Do yourself a favour. Stop freaking out in front of your kids, turn your computer off and go do something, anything else. And once again, I say, take the zoloft the doctor gave you. He/she gave it to you for a reason.
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Offline rileybug

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2014, 05:24:58 PM »
Calm down and enjoy easter with the kidos-monday will be here soon and you'll get you answer.  Take the zoloff to get through till the test.  Make easter good for the kids-they're the most inportant part of your life.  Enjoy them every day.
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Online Lindsay2427

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2014, 05:37:36 PM »
I'm sorry but I can not enjoy Easter. I will have a fake smile but deep inside I'm drowning. I do a very good job at hiding my HA and fear from my children. I have suffered my whole life. This isn't the first time I have thought I had something terrible this is just the most intense it's been. I'm usually under the care of my OB because I was pregnant pretty much back to back so any concern I ever had I addressed to her! Now that we are done having children I am no longer in her care and have gone 2 years with our being pregnant which really helps my HA!!! Pregnancy almost makes my HA go away.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2014, 05:53:43 PM »
You've done a great job keeping your troubles from your kids, which is wonderful, so don't let up now, when you're so, so close to the finishing line.  :yes: If you have to fake a smile in front of them, then do.

Lindsay, I am sure you will be fine. You'll be back here on Monday saying that you got the all clear. Put the computer to rest, take a brisk walk or drink some camomile tea. Keep taking your zoloft, and you'll feel calmer, even if you don't feel 100%. We are all behind you, so please be good to yourself try to relax.
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Offline rileybug

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2014, 06:01:06 PM »
I know its really hard with ha.  Some days are better than others.  Just have to take it day by day.  I always tell myself if something bad is there-they'll catch it early since i go to the docs so often.  I'm sure hes already written crazy on my file in big red letters.  I feel the same as you except i'm much older and my daughter always reassures me about how docs think things through. 
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Online Lindsay2427

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Re: ABSOLUTELY TERRFIED over Flex Sig Monday.
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2014, 06:08:04 PM »
Thanks for all the help. I think I will be a mess until Monday. My OCD is also making me do weird things like I can't throw certain things away in fear of jinxing my results. The intuitive thoughts are also bad. I feel like I had put a lot of my OCD habits to rest until this.
 
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