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Author Topic: Worry, worry all the time  (Read 263 times)

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Offline NovocaineKisses

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Worry, worry all the time
« on: April 16, 2014, 03:06:28 PM »
I'm worried about what all this new stuff with the rheumatologist means (I was referred to one by my Dr after some lab tests came back abnormal also had to have an EKG and chest x-ray because of it), I'm worried about my mom leaving for Idaho for 6 days, I'm worried I'm going crazy and that I'll never get better. I'm worried about everything. I'm worried I don't know how to take care of myself or be by myself anymore. I'm so lost and scared right now and I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do anymore. I see people around me all the time and they're happy and they don't have the problems I do and i want so badly to be like that again but I don't know how. I don't know how to tell my mom I don't want her to go because I'm so scared something will happen or that I'll have a panic attack and it'll be worse than one I've ever had before. I know if I say anything she'll be mad and it'll be all my fault and she'll blame me for ruining everything. All I've done for days is cry and all anyone can say is "get over it." I sincerely hate how this is running and ruining my life. I don't know how I'll get to work or how I'll be able to stay there without her being here. I know I'm overly dependent on her, but I didn't use to be this way and I don't know why I am now. I'm so stressed out I can barely eat and all I want to do is curl up under my blanket and cry. I know I'm whining, but I can't keep letting it build up inside anymore. I'm just so unhappy anymore.... :(
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“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Offline IWantToBeFearless

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Re: Worry, worry all the time
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2014, 05:45:14 PM »
*hugs*
You are no whining! Panic attacks are scary and draining, so of course you'd feel anxious about your mom leaving for a while. I used to be like that when I still lived with my mom. She would get upset with me too because I went from being extremely independent to very clingy.

Your emotions are completely normal and the panic attacks CANNOT hurt you. It's also quite hard to be told by other people to basically shut up. To them it may seem that we are all being over dramatic. But that's because they don't know what it's like. It's not your fault for having them (panic attacks). :)

Also, you aren't going crazy. It's just the fear that is trying to cripple your senses. You are not alone. Even if it feels like no one understands.. Trust me, we are all on here because we feel the same.

X
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Offline Julie A. Cook

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Re: Worry, worry all the time
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2014, 05:46:51 PM »
Novocaine, I feel your pain.  I truly do.  There is a way out of the suffering you're feeling, but it tales strength, courage, time and patience.  First of all, you need "safe" people who you can turn to.  Do you have a therapist?  Are you on medication?  I actually talk to my psychiatrist up in PA once a week who checks in with me on my meds, and while I'm down here in Florida, I go to a very compassionate cbt counselor, who i      has given me many good tips on how to be mindful through panic and anxiety and depression, and how our nervous systems work.

It's hard, but you have to begin seeing the joy in small things.  I know your family must be disgusted with you, but they love you just the same.  I have a very hard-driving husband who has given me two beautiful homes and anything I want monetarily but no,l he cannot relate to anxiety or panic.  So, I have had to find my confidantes elsewhere. 

I have seen your name in chat and I'm glad you are interacting there.  There are many, many people out there just like us of all ages, races, and philosophies that suffer from nervous illnesses.  Don't give up hope, but do get help.  Little by little, you'll start seeing breaks in the clouds.  They start small, but when they come, hold onto the feeling and remember it.  You'll get there.

My very best wishes for you as you recover,

Julie
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Offline NovocaineKisses

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Re: Worry, worry all the time
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2014, 07:01:55 PM »
Thank you for that. I just recently started seeing a therapist and I am on Xanax .5 mg twice a day and I have a prescription for Cymbalta but I hadn't been able to get the courage to try it and now it's probably a good thing because with all the inflammation in my body I have to be able to take Ibuprofen every day like I have been and on Cymbalta I can't do that. I try to find joy in the little things and I do have safe people but my rock safe person lives in NV while I'm in WY and while I do have a safe person here with me while my mom is in Idaho I still can't stop the panic and the anxiousness and the terror I feel about her being so far away. I wish my safe person in NV could come up, who happens to be my mom who raised me, but she has to work and my step dad has physical therapy in Las Vegas tomorrow so they can't :( I hate this feeling.
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“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Offline Suz66

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Re: Worry, worry all the time
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2014, 02:47:38 AM »
Hi Novocaine,

You've taken positive steps! Finding this website, getting on meds and seeing a therapist...those are all good. Do you like to read? The book "Feeling Good" is a renowned book for dealing with anxiety, and is based in cognitive behavioral therapy. The Xanax is good for when you're feeling very anxious to help take the edge off, but in my experience, there are other medications you can take daily to help deal with the anxiety that help over the long term, which is probably what the Cymbalta prescription was. I've taken numerous meds in the past, and the combination that worked best for me was Effexor XR and Wellbutrin. Both of them combined helped with the anxiety and the depression I ended up experiencing as well. But everyone is different. I think you should try the Cymbalta and if that doesn't work or if you don't like it, tell your doctor and try a different one. There are tons out there now.

Also, the more worried you are about things, the worse your anxiety is going to be. Do you exercise? Working out regularly really helps. Have you tried meditation or guided imagery? That helps relax your mind and body as well, and takes your mind off your anxiety.There are CD's you can get, or I'm sure you can download .MP3's to your MP3 player. I have two playlists on my iPod shuffle that have been lifesavers for me.

Best of luck to you!
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