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Author Topic: Need help from OCD sufferers.  (Read 389 times)

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Offline bonce9

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Need help from OCD sufferers.
« on: April 16, 2014, 11:59:14 AM »
Hello. I've posted on here a while ago when I was extremely anxious but need help again and sorry this will be quite a long post.

Basically, I think I have OCD however, I haven't been to a doctor yet. I have been doing a lot of research on the symptoms of OCD and believe I have it.
I have rituals. For example when I finish washing my hands I have to touch the tap 5 times on each hand and if I don't I have a thought that someone I really care about will die.
If I look to the left I have to then look to the right. When I go to bed I have a certain way of turning off the lights and walking to my bed. Again, If I don't do it correctly I have the thought about the person I care about dying. But this is where I get really anxious. The thought isn't me. I don't seem to produce the sentence "This person will die" but it just pops into my head. It's like a voice but I can't actually hear it. People that hear voices say that it sounds like a male with a deep voice for example but there is nothing. It's in my head. Is this schizophrenia or an intrusive thought? Also, when I have a knife in my hand when I'm making some food for example this voice/thought pops in telling me I should just kill the person next to me. I would never ever do it. I don't have this all the time. At work they very rarely happen or when I'm out with friends. It seems to just disappear when I'm busy.

I also obsess over something which will sound ridiculous but I'll tell you anyway. A couple of years ago I was out drinking and I was quite drunk. At this time I had no OCD symptoms by the way. Anyway I became breathless for a second and don't know why but it went away as mysteriously as it began. At the time I thought nothing of it. It was probably about a year after that event of breathlessness when it popped into my head and I thought, "Maybe I died that night? What if i'm dead?" And since then I have obsessed about this for ages! It's built and built and new events happen and I think well what if I died then? I know it's absolutely not true because I wouldn't be sitting here typing this but I just can't seem to shake it off. It's constantly in the back of my mind. Is this a delusion or me just being obsessive?

It's coming to a point where anxiety is forcing it's way in and not leaving this time. I am constantly trying to reassure myself that I am ok. Resulting in me talking to myself every now and then. Trying to calm myself down. The anxiety is just the worst because unfortunately I did some research on schizophrenia and when I hear about peoples hallucinations and delusions I think about them and get so anxious that I might see things. I aslo think all this anxiety is resulting in derealization I think it's called.

Again I apologize that this is quite a long post but I would just like some answers. It will help a lot until I get the courage to tell my parents and go to a doctor. Thanks. 
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Offline IWantToBeFearless

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2014, 06:11:15 PM »
Classic intrusive thoughts and OCD. You are not crazy, or a killer, etc.

OCD usually is a form of control. You want to control over the future and believe that by doing little rituals you can avert danger or disaster. This is not true. You will never have control over what life brings. And that's okay. Learning to simply accept your thoughts and not infuse power into them is very important in overcoming them. Everyone has bad/weird thoughts. But people with OCD obsess over it.

Also, you probably had anxiety already. Before people are aware of having anxiety, they sometimes get breathless, especially when drinking. It happened to me too. Nothing wrong, you're fine. :) x
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2014, 09:36:20 PM »
You should really see a therapist that has experience with treating patients with OCD. From  your description of symptoms I would not be afraid to say you have OCD and intrusive thoughts. If you dont have any books on OCD yet. I suggest you get BrainLock by dr jeffrey schwartz MD. or overcoming obsessive thoughts I forget the author.
To get you started heres some things you need to do. When it comes to the compulsions. When you have a compulsion, resist the urge to do it. Yes, your thoughts will tell you that someone will die if you dont or whatever thought it brings to mind. Those thoughts are irrational. Yes, you will feel all kinds of anxiety and distress if you dont do  the compulsion but, after doing this many times you will begin to see that nothing bad happened b/c you didnt perform the compulsion.

You could also get a journal. Write down your obsession on one page. Your Compulsions on another page. Seperate them by least worrisome to most worrisome. Then start challenging them from least to greatest.  Write in the journal daily of your accomplishments. So let's say 2 weeks or a month from now the thought come "someones gonna die because you didnt wash your hands!" Then you go back to the journal and look at past entries and see proof that nothing bad happened for 2 weeks or a month or however long that you didnt do the compulsion.

Intrusive thoughts are a whole other beast in my opinion. I have had them on and off for years but I have had them for 10 months straight now and they are whipping my a**. Go to ezine.com and search for and article about intrusive thoughts by Joe Barry McDonagh. The steps in there helped me many times overcome intrusive thoughts. This time around I dont know why I cant get a grip on it.

The person who posted before me also gave great advice.
I hope in some way this may help you and you begin to get some relief soon.
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2014, 09:42:36 PM »
Also, fearing you may have schizophrenia or hallucinations is very common for people with OCD. Just do a search in this OCD forum for schizophrenia and you will see for yourself. i went through this fear myself years ago. You can become so sensitized to the fear that you may hallucinate that every little flash of light, something in the corner of your eye, a floater in your vision, a bug flying through the room will catch your attention and you will begin to investigate what it is you saw so you can prove you didnt hallucinate. Same with sounds. Sounds wouldnt be a problem if people didnt even know there was a such thing as auditory hallucinations.

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Offline andrea34

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2014, 12:21:07 PM »
I fear that I'm losing it and that maybe I'm not me or that I'm not here. I start focusing on this fear and it takes over and sends me into a crazy state of panic. I just want to be ok.
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2014, 08:41:57 PM »
you are and will be okay. its just anxiety. it will take you time to believe that ot for it to really settle in. its hard for us to accept things as anxiety and fear when the irrational part of our brain tries to convince us otherwise.
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Offline andrea34

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2014, 09:00:42 PM »
Are there any tricks or exercises that help us sufferers start to believe this is just anxiety giving us these intrusive thoughts?
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2014, 08:47:25 PM »
I have suffered several forms of anxiety and come out on top of all of them but intrusive thoughts are tricky.
I am just now starting to have a reduction in them. They hit me out of the blue about 10 months ago.
I have a book on intrusive thoughts that you should get. "HOW TO OVERCOME OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS" I forgot who the authors were.
It so far has been the most informative that Ive read.
It had studies in it that showed where every one had intrusive thoughts. To someone who doesnt have anxiety it just floats on by and they never think much about it again. People like us who suffer from anxiety, when one of those thoughts come we have an emotional reaction to it and the thought sticks with us instead of just floating on by. What emotion could possibly make these thoughts stick around? Fear! Fear is very  powerful. Similar to when people have a panic attack in a certain place like a grocery line. That person will avoid the grocery line at all costs. The fear they felt makes a pathway in their brain that somehow this grocery line is a dangerous place or they dread feeling that panic again and the grocery line reminds them of that panic and if they get in that line they start to anticipate a panic attack and guess what happens? They have a panic attack. For that person to overcome this they must make themselves face the situation. They MUST go to a grocery line and no matter how uncomfortable it feels they have to get through it. It may take several times but eventually they retrain their brain that there is nothing dangerous about this grocery line and it just becomes second nature to go through the line again.
This is similar to intrusive thoughts. You have to change your emotional reaction to the thoughts. Thoughts cannot cause you or make you do anything you dont want to do. They are just thoughts. You cannot analyze the thoughts. You have to learn to just let them be. Let them play in the background. We seem to have some doubt in our minds that we MIGHT perform these thoughts but, we wont.
The next time you have an intrusive thought dont fight it, dont try to suppress it. That only strengthens them. Allow the thought to come. Tell yourself, "hmmm thats a weird thought and laugh about it." or replay the thought again in your head and give it a funny cartoon character voice. By doing one of the previous things you take the fear away from it. Your showing your mind that these thoughts dont bother you, you are changing your emotional reaction to them. They will eventually begin to fade and then disappear.
I know it seems like intrusive thoughts are the product of some horrible mental illness but they are just part of ocd and anxiety. I hope I covered this well enough that you can use something I said to start getting some relief.
Oh, also. Avoidance will feed the thoughts. If the thoughts are causing you to avoid certain situations like for instance. A person may have intrusive thoughts that they will use a kitchen knife to harm a loved one so they avoid being around knives. Well, the only way to beat this is to not avoid the situation. They will HAVE to allow themselves to be around knives and people. At first it will be very uncomfortable but, with time and persistence it will get easier and easier.
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Offline andrea34

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2014, 09:03:10 PM »
So in addition to the meds, I need to face the thoughts without fear? It's hard. I try and let them be there without going into panic mode, but it's not easy. I just don't like feeling this overwhelmed. They make me feel like I can't win and that life is too hard. I went thru a depression, anxiety, feelings of depersonalization several years ago, but I forgot what it was like. I work in an oral surgery office and I had a patient who was 41 & she died unexpectedly from leukemia...she didn't know she had it. Ever since then, I have been in a vivious cycle. I started having pelvic pains and I began looking up my symptoms online and starting thinking I had cervical or ovarian cancer. I worried day in and day out, frantically searching for answers to my fear. I am now suffering anxiety, intrusive thoughts of having a breakdown and losing touch and also questioning my life. It's just so hard. I want to be back to my old self.
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2014, 09:50:51 PM »
Sorry to hear about your patient.  Well, you have to learn to face them without fear. It takes time and practice. Its more like learning to accept the thoughts as just thoughts. You will get better from it I promise. I know firsthand how overwhelming it is.
This past year has been a nightmare for me also. I lost my job, one neighbor died lung cancer, my other neighbor is battling cancer and I have to watch out for her b/c shes and elderly widow, my mom is battling breast cancer. I could add several more things. Im sure all this stress is why I relapsed.
Do yourself a huge favor and dont google your symptoms. If you are having pelvic pain see your doctor let him rule out any diseases. Often times women under major stress develop what they call pelvic floor syndrome. its like a headache in the pelvis. Men get it too but for us they say we have "prostatitis." I know I went down that road and after readin all my medical records they had no evidence  that I had an infected prostate. It was really more of a stress disorder from clenching certain muscles all the time that caused pain in that area.
Again, I know it feels very overwhelming. It does get better. It doesnt happen overnight but it will happen.
There are many things that are caused by stress or emotions that we feel physically. Whether it is in the form of back pain, headaches, TMJ, this list is very long. I know I keep throwing books at you but the knowledge you will receive from them will really open your eyes. Check out the divided mind by dr john e sarno or unlearn your pain by dr howard schubiner.  These books will show you how repressed emotions can cause physical pain and even anxiety. I suffered so many physical symptoms in my life and after readin those books I was able to overcome them. With anxiety you can often find someone in your family or a friend who has it too and have someone to talk to but with intrusive thoughts its pretty tough to find someone that has had them and you can rely on. With that said, if you ever need someone to talk to just message me. I know what its like to not have anyone to share these thoughts with.
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I am horrible about forgetting which threads I have replied to. If you dont get a reply back from me feel free to message me.

My screen name used to be "Nutty" Ive been a member since 2008. I forgot what email I used back then so I cant login to my old name.

Offline andrea34

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2014, 09:55:55 PM »
Thank you, Walnut. You have been so informative and understanding. It means so much. Thank you for encouraging me.
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Offline andrea34

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2014, 10:09:34 PM »
I'm also so sorry about your year and all the things you're going thru. I hope things get better for you. It's amazing how thoughts alone can cause physical symptoms.
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2014, 10:10:22 PM »
your welcome. not a problem at all.
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I am horrible about forgetting which threads I have replied to. If you dont get a reply back from me feel free to message me.

My screen name used to be "Nutty" Ive been a member since 2008. I forgot what email I used back then so I cant login to my old name.

Offline Walnut

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2014, 10:12:21 PM »
thanks. i guess when we get older we have to start dealing with certain things we took for granted. im 33 now and at this point in our lives our grandparents are usually gone or out parents are getting older, we have children of our own and start overthinking things because we have so much on our plate.
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I am horrible about forgetting which threads I have replied to. If you dont get a reply back from me feel free to message me.

My screen name used to be "Nutty" Ive been a member since 2008. I forgot what email I used back then so I cant login to my old name.

Offline andrea34

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Re: Need help from OCD sufferers.
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2014, 10:23:42 PM »
Yeah...I agree. I'm 34 & I have a 13yr old daughter who I hope and pray doesn't inherit this. I got it from my father. He had panic attacks. He died unexpectedly when I was fourteen and bcc that was really traumatic.
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