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Offline bbwire

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Ocd question
« on: April 14, 2014, 12:22:42 PM »
Alright so I've been dealing with extreme ocd and the fear of having schizophernia, one of my fears is like having delusions so it's like my imagination comes up with all these random delusions and it scares me so much so to make sure I don't believe this crap I test myself to see if I actually believe it, so for example I'll get the thought "What if everyone is out to get me?" So Ill test myself to see if I think this because I'm so scared and I'll ask myself "Do you actually think everyone out to get you?" And whenever I do that it's like I can't answer, this is my main problem it's like my brain freezes and the thought becomes abstract and I'm so scared if I believe it! I've read so much stuff on this and I know people with real delusion don't even know it and they never question their beliefs they fully believe them, but it doesn't help. So my questions are is this just ocd like is this just extreme doubt and uncertainty? How come I can't answer it? Any advice would really help
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Offline stephtronic

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2014, 03:56:09 AM »
Sounds like it's just OCD trying to strike terror into you, as it loves to do to all of those with it.

Are you seeing anyone for treatment? Whether it be CBT, medication, just talking with someone - it could really help.
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2014, 04:39:40 PM »
I agree, sounds OCD. you can't answer OCD thoughts because they create their own internal logic. The OCD makes it seem like you're working out a problem, that you're thinking things through to find an answer, but you're not. It's just the obsession doing its thing.

My advice is like the above advice, treatment. Get whatever treatment you can afford. If you can go to a CBT therapist AND a psychiatrist, do it. Help is a good thing. Good luck!
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2014, 10:43:17 PM »
sounds like obsessive thoughts to me. if you can afford treatment go for it. if not, i suggest brain lock by dr jeffrey schwartz or overcoming obsessive thoughts i forget the author of that book. either of those book are cbt based and you could combine that with help from others on the forum.
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2014, 02:47:09 PM »
My only problem is why can I not answer it, is that just self doubt? Like would it be the same as someone with violent obsessions and they would ask themselves "do I think I could hurt someone?" and not be able to answer. This is my only problem I know what what if thoughts are I got over them before, but now I'll get a what if thought and ill test myself to see if ill believe it or not like "what if everyone out to get me?" I get scared and then I'll think omg "do I actually think that?" And it's like my brain freezes and I can't answer why is that? It's like I'm scared of actually thinking I do believe this crap. Is this just all doubt from ocd? Please can you guys help any advice would be so appreciated
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2014, 05:41:15 PM »
You CAN'T answer OCD thoughts. It's one of the hallmarks of OCD thoughts. OCD always has a response for any thought you have trying to out maneuver it. Keep in mind that when you try to resolve the intrusive thoughts, you're not engaging in problem solving, you're really just feeding the OCD. don't try to answer it. Try to identify them as Obsessive, then ignore them. Thoughts are not reality. You can't answer the obsession,,but it wants you to try.
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2014, 02:14:34 PM »
Is the reason I can't answer because of doubt? I just wanna get over this so bad it's destroying me I can tell myself it's just ocd and not react but that fear of if I really believe that crap always makes me question everything. Are these just like what if thoughts? And how do I began to get over this just tell myself it's ocd and accept the thoughts and live with the uncertainty?
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2014, 05:32:28 PM »
It's horrible, I know. And I'm so sorry you are in the middle of it. The best way to get through it, the fastest way (and this way seems like forever when you're in the middle of it) is a combination of CBT and medication. Some people hate meds and are afraid if them, but OCD is one of the major disorders that responds well to SSRIs. I've been in CBT for many years, and it's great, but in the middle of March I went into horrible, tortuous, intrusive thoughts. I got a referral to a pdoc and he dx'd me with OCD, GAD, and then as a result of those, Major Depressive Disorder. He put me on prozac 21 days ago (I've counted every day) and I'm much better now. I have little kids I love very much, and a terrific wife, so in my darkest depression I said that ***** was off the table. But I also said(to myself) that if I had to live like that for six months, I wasn't ruling anything out. I just couldn't take it.

But three weeks after going on meds and continuing CBT I'm not 100%, but I'm far enough along that if I had to live exactly as I am today! I could handle it for the rest of my natural life. And I'm confident that I'll continue to improve.

So that's my actual advice. But I'm lucky, I live in a major city that's crawling with great therapists and pdocs, and I have good insurance. If you can't swing all the treatment you need financially, call a local college and see if they have a graduate psychology department and almost always that have people learning CBT who need patients to learn on. And let me tell you, this kind of disorder is gold to them. Usually they have a nominal fee(which has been shown to be more effective to treatment than free treatment) of like $10 or $20.

Now if there's just no way for you to get treatment that way, google CBT + ***** and see if you can get treatment online. Anything helps, though meds would be better.

Okay, if you just can't get treatment, my advice is to:
1. Distract yourself any way you can (though I'd stay away from self medicating). Go for a drive, a jog. I've heard that swimming is an excellent way to quiet your mind. Plus you can buy an iPod nano that's waterproof a and listen to music, podcasts, or a book while you swim.

2. Identify obsessive thoughts. This is an important step. Once you consistently identify them, you can begin separating them from reality. Remember: thoughts are not reality, and obsessive thoughts are not even thoughts, they're obsessions.

3. Treat your obsessive thoughts with no respect. It's best to ignore them altogether. They aren't worth having. But how can you do that? Well, people who aren't suffering with OCD do it all the time, so it can be done. But for us, it's different, especially when you are in the middle of it as you are. I treat my intrusive thoughts by being silly. Do you see my avatar? It's a small plastic lizard I carry in my pocket all the time. He represents my OCD. I once described my OCD to my pdoc as a sleeping dragon. Whenever some anxiety thought popped into my mind my OCDragon would roar to life and terrorize me. He said that we were going to take that dragon, and make him into a small lizard. So that's my lizard. When an intrusive thought starts, I pull him out of my pocket, set him on a desk and say, "really? Really?! THIS is what you want me to obsess over? Give me a break." Or something similar. Then I put him in my pocket and get on with whatever I'm doing. If it seems silly, that's the point. Sometimes the OCD is weird and silly, like you might suddenly be afraid that you've forgotten the truth about traffic lights. Does red mean go? Does green mean stop? What if I'm doing it wrong? But sometimes the OCD is horrific, what if I want to kill my puppy? Do I want to kill my puppy? I don't think so, but what if the reason I'm questioning myself is that I actually do want to snap his little neck? Why'd I think that? Am I a terrible person? Have I ever killed a puppy? Maybe I've forgotten, but maybe I did when I was a kid? Maybe I'm a serial killer who just hasn't started yet? And so on. Terrifying. But there's no real difference between the two. Content is not important, they're just intrusive thoughts. They tap into our fears and doubts the same way, they torture us. With either one of those thoughts, as soon as I started having them, I'd pull out my lizard and yell at it for bugging me. The number one enemy of intrusive thinking is our ability to mock it. Take away it's power by finding away to laugh it, to treat it silly. It might make you feel foolish at first, after all these are big scary thoughts. But they are bullies. Try bullying them.

4.journal.write down your thoughts, your intrusive thoughts. But then identify what cognitive distortions are coming into play. Here's a decent list of cognitive distortions:
https://www.im4us.org/dl126
Identifying and labeling them is important, because it helps separate them from reality. And then, try to honestly assess the reality, without the cognitive distortion.
Ex.
Thought: I'm going crazy. Cognitive distortion: catastrophization, magnification. I'm cherry picking the worst, most anxious thoughts I have during the day and on that basis I'm predicting that I'm almost ready to be locked in a mental hospital and that I'll never recover. Reality: my OCD is twisting all my thoughts to fit the mould it wants them to fit into, that I'm going crazy. The reality is that I'm suffering from OCD and these thoughts are not reality, they are OCD thoughts. They're whole job is to tap,into my anxiety and make me suffer, that's how the OCD survives. In reality, if I took a pill that made me forget these obsessive thoughts, and only these obsessive thoughts, I wouldn't think I was going crazy.thoughts are not reality.

5. Patience: this stuff takes time. It feels like you are getting nowhere, slowly. It's going to feel like you're filling up a salt shaker one grain of salt per day. And worse, every few days something is going to knock over the shaker and a few grains will spill out. But eventually, and sooner than you now think, you'll have more salt in the shaker than not and you'll realize you're getting better.

6. I can not stress enough how much easier it is with treatment and meds. I strongly urge you to find a way.

7. This is just temporary. Remember this. Write it on a post it note and look at it when you need to.
This
Is
Temporary
I mean that.

8. How's your sleep? A rested mind is very important. I wouldn't take ambien if I were you (take it from someone who took lots and lots of ambien.) if you can't sleep and need meds, Trazodone is a good one. At higher doses, like 400mg, it's an anti depressant. But at a lower dose, say 50-100mg it's an off label sedative. It's non habit forming. Just makes you drowsy. But again, that's something you'd need treatment to get.

I hope this helps in any way. OCD is pernicious and terrible, but it is treatable. And what your experiencing now is temporary. It WILL get better.
I'm sending you strength and love
MyOCDragon
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2014, 08:40:11 PM »
yes doubt plays a huge part. for example ill give u a real life example that I deal with. My mom used to be my safe person since childhood. Now that intrusive thoughts are my primary problem I have been robbed of her as  a safe person. i have thoughts of "what if i hurt her?" which is something i would NEVER do! I would defend her to my death. Then I start thinking, well i feel safer when my big brother goes places with me because he is a really strong guy and if i lose my mind and act out one of these thoughts he would be able to physically stop me. but then the OCD is like "what if you outrun him?" of course he is stronger yet i am faster. trying to answer the thoughts is a lose lose situation. one of the books i have read said everytime you have a thought say to yourself, " its not me, its my ocd" and by saying that you are telling yourself that this isnt you but ocd. i suppose overtime with practice you are able to seperate what thoughts are yours and whats ocd. this trick is to train yourself not to react emotionally to the thoughts. i guess if we didnt doubt these thoughts we wouldnt have these thoughts. man, how nice it would be to not have them
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I am horrible about forgetting which threads I have replied to. If you dont get a reply back from me feel free to message me.

My screen name used to be "Nutty" Ive been a member since 2008. I forgot what email I used back then so I cant login to my old name.

Offline Myocdragon

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Re: Ocd question
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2014, 11:08:00 PM »
AMEN walnut, amen. Intrusive thoughts run around your brain and check all the rooms for the morally repugnant things that you would never do and then makes you think about them all the time. And then you feel almost as if you had done them. I never thought I'd be nostalgic for panic attacks until my intrusive thoughts got bad.
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I'm not crazy, I've just lost my mind

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