I stumbled upon this site yesterday while trying to work out what the hell is wrong with me......it's amazing how many others feel exactly the same as me. It's nice to know that I'm not going insane
I'm 43 and have a nearly 3 year old son and I have suffered on and off what what appears to be HA since I was 23. I have never seen anyone nor told anyone how I feel so finding this site has been amazing. When I was 23 my mum was diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma in the early stages, she had treatment and went on to be clear. A few months after she was given the all clear, I accidentally touched a gland in my neck and thought it was swollen. I was terrified and went to the doctors in such a state, convinced I had the same as my mum. My gp at the time was very understanding and told me I did not have HL and that my gland was only a tiny bit enlarged, and that was because I kept prodding it. She told me to stop touching it and I was fine. Since then every time I had anything wrong, I would blow it all out of proportion and make myself sick with worry. Pretty much any small sympton I have = cancer of some kind. Ten years ago, my mum was diagnose with gall stones and sent for a ultrasound scan. They discovered a huge mass on her ovary which they thought was a cyst. Long story short, and a lot of medical errors made.....she went for surgery to remove the 'cyst' which was a tumor, measuring 30cm in diameter and weighing a couple of kilos. The biopsy showed that it was again cancer, but luckily it hadn't spread somehow, to anywhere else. Since then I have been very bad and imagine I have every illness imaginable.
Since my son was born I have been much worse, and now I'm starting to think HE is also seriously Ill....at the weekend I rushed him to the doctor as I was convinced he had meningitits......obviously he hasn't, he had tonsillitis. This week I have diagnosed myself with blood clots in the lung, GI bleeding, bowel cancer, pneumonia, lung cancer, heart failure......and many more. I suffer terribly with night sweats, day sweats, feeling of dread that hangs over me for days, I think about who would take care of my son if I die.
A year ago I broke my ankle very badly and have pins and plates and screws holding me together. I must take the metalwork out on 9 June, and am terrified that they are going to discover some terminal illness through routine blood tests and ECG before my op.
I hate feeling like this, and don't know how to stop. From today I have banned myself from googling, after readin all your posts
. I guess that's the first step.
Thanks for reading, if you make it to the end!