Hi T, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. The first thing I want to say is that I've totally been where you are, and can confidently tell you that you WILL NOT always feel this way. You can get better. I know it.
Couple of questions for you:
You said you quit Xanax on your own volition—you took it for nine months—how large was your dose? Did you do so gradually, or did you go cold turkey? Did your doctor recommend you get off of it? What led up you getting prescribed Xanax anyway?
Stopping and starting any kind of medication can bring with it all kinds of side effects. I was on Xanax for about eight months a few years ago, a 1.5 mg/day dose (fairly small). I tapered the hell out of that thing, and still, for several months later, noticed moderate twitching that took a while to fully subside. So, your twitching could certainly be attributable to that. But it's the same with Paxil and all that stuff—if you start and stop suddenly, you have to expect that your body is going to exhibit some weird side effects. Slowly tapering on and off of these things is your best bet.
Also, I have to (respectfully) refute your assertion that your doctor simply "threw drugs at you" as a way to get you to go away. I think in reality she's more clearly able to see that your main issues are anxiety and depression, which are serious and life-altering, and that proper medication really can help these disorders. Prescribing Paxil for a person who's anxious/depressed is not a brush-off, it's proper medical care. That doesn't mean you have to take them, but she could probably see that you calling into her office every day was not really helping you.
All of these things—the twitching, the perceived weakness, the cramping, the numbness—these are all probably due to your problems in your hands and feet, but can certainly ALL be attributable to anxiety as well, especially long-term, chronic anxiety. That you've stopped working out during all of this surely isn't helping. During my worst times, I developed all kinds of problems that took much longer than my anxiety to subside. Months of being chronically tense led to extremely sore muscles and a lot of pain—pain of course that I attributed to something sinister; pain that, even after I got my anxiety in check, needed months of treatment.
Have you pursued or considered any kind of professional help for your anxiety and depression? It's great that you have a good support system, and that's crucial, but oftentimes these problems are much more serious and require a serious approach to treatment. Repeated medical tests, doctors visits, self-checking, google searches, and reassurance-seeking are, in the long run, counterproductive to your own recovery. There's NO SHAME in struggling with these things. There's also no shame in taking medication, or seeking therapy. NONE. You don't need to muster up the willpower to get better, or "just get over it." These are debilitating conditions that sometimes need months of treatment, but you owe it to yourself and your family to take the time and the effort to get better. If your friends judge you for it, they're no real friends.