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Author Topic: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(  (Read 800 times)

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Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« on: April 14, 2014, 02:02:02 AM »
Hey all!

Obviously, I'm new here as this is my first post.....

Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who is taking the time to read my story, so here goes:

In late October I stopped a 9 month prescription to xanax on my own volition.... It was making me worse in terms of anxiety, especially between doses... I felt out of my realm... Disconnected and strange.... I experienced a pulled left plantar fascia and a torn right calf about a month prior playing mens softball.... I would also experience numb toes on my right foot after playing as well as front calf and knee tightness

Three days after I stopped my xanax, I began to have burning feet on both sides for about 3 days straight then had it come back off and on for a few weeks, prompting me to see my GP.... The fool told me it was purely anxiety and not to worry about it.... But it kept coming and going along with stiffness in my lower right leg, so I asked for a referral to a neurologist.

In mid December, I saw my neuro and discussed with him my symptoms of bilateral foot numbness and at times some sensory symptoms of burning and numbness in my hands... He ordered blood tests as well as an emg/nerve conduction study. 

Blood tests came back normal as did urine test.  The emg was done in mid to late jan as was nerve conduction.  Emg came back normal, thank god at the time but I had sensory neuropathies in both feet median plantar and both hands median nerves. Motor findings were normal as well. I was diagnosed with bilateral tarsal and carpal tunnel syndrome.  What are the chances of that? Skeptical of course but he said these diagnoses are very accurate in differential diagnosis with confirmatory nerve conduction tests. So I trust him and move on.

Literally 2 weeks after this, with no actual injury to my knowledge, I began to feel a toothache like pain that was very distracting and painful an my right scapular region. My GP put me on vicodin and soma.  The pain subsided but I began to develop fasciculations/twitching in my upper back/lat on the right side as well as triceps and pectoral muscle. Again... I didn't think much of it. But it kept up and I developed a permanent numbness in my right index finger in mid feb. Today (April 14) the numbness is still there, along with the occasional chest fasciculations... The back/shoulder ones had gone away... The chest ones are pretty much gone with the occasional flare up. The last 48 hrs I have had a nearly constant firing in my tricep on the right side. And my right eyelid has also started occasionally doing the same thing...

Of course as I read about als I started to panic and look for signs..... This is where maybe people can help me out with their own experiences or knowledge....

In mid march I was given paxil because I was calling the doc every couple days freaking out and I think she got sick of it and threw some drugs at me. I took them for two weeks along with about 100 mg of tramadol everyday and the occasional Valium. About a week ago I felt nuts like anxiety x18274642892 and damn near on the point of suicidal but not quite.... Because I have a little boy to take care of that I love with every single fiber in my body.

I stopped the paxil and the tramadol because I felt it was doing the opposite of helping. My anxiety has somewhat improved since stopping the ssri and snri... But in the last week I feel like I'm on a physical downward spiral.  I feel stiff and crampy all over and achy ... Sometimes bilaterally and very transient moving from place to place. Comes  and goes.... After coaching the boys baseball practice this Saturday I didn't exert myself very much but felt 'odd' in both lower legs and right arm... In fact anytime I exert anymore I feel shaky, tremor, strange.  I used to have vibration feelings but those have seemed to subside after getting off the paxil etc.

I know I'm rambling and jumping but I'm scared as hell.

At one point I felt my right tricep was weaker than my left so I did exercises that confirmed this, since then, I've caught my right tricep up to my left. Perhaps this has something to do with the twitching, maybe the anxiety and stress?  I'm not so up to date on what the long term effects of anxiety and depression can do to the body... But I know I don't feel well... You know the cyclical thought.... Don't feel well, worry, feel worse, worry more, don't know what's anxiety and depression and what's real or what is a side effect of the medication.

I have lil fascias all over one here one there from calves to thigh to left tricep etc etc. I had some tremors... Again the last few days most of these have kinda gone away.

I'm having a hard time convincing myself I do not have ALS in spite of what my doctors have told me, the tests have concluded etc. I'm so debilitated from anxiety that turned into depression, my life has been swept away from me, everything I used to love is difficult for me to focus on... I've socially isolated myself... I'm constantly consumed with every twitch and the what ifs.... I'm frustrated and alone , though I have a great support system around me.... My parents are the best, I'm so lucky to have them. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to talk to my friends and scared of leaving my lil boy behind or having his dad waste away and die quickly.

Sometimes I think I feel weak but I don't really show signs I just feel like it. I test myself ALOT to see if my strength is where I think it should be. I used to work out a ton, but I stopped about a year ago.

I've also had neck and back issues for years.... 4 yrs ago an X-Ray showed I was bone on bone at L3-L4 and have had longtime come and go pain on my right neck etc.

Mri scheduled for tomorrow, and second opinion from a neuro scheduled next Monday.

I'm sure I've left plenty out here.... My right hand is cramping as I write this on my ipad.... But I use the ipad and iPhone a lot so I'm sure that has something to do with it. I'm just a mess of fear and uncertainty right now, not having answers sucks....

I'm just reaching out looking for anyone that can identify with me or offer me any knowledge or whatever.  At my age of 36 and having objective sensory issues via tests and no emg findings, als is HIGHLY UNLIKELY as even people on als site have stated... But I'm just stuck in fear.

I'm here to help or talk with anyone.... I'd appreciate any help or feedback.... I know some of you are struggling with your own problems and I'm here to talk to you if you need someone.

Ask me for clarification or to expound if needed on anything.

I'm hoping I improve soon as do you all.... Thanks again, in advance.

Healing and warmth, good health to all,

T :'(
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Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2014, 08:46:19 PM »
This sucks.
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Offline greend

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2014, 11:58:05 AM »
I am sorry you're feeling so scared and awful. I can certainly relate to how you are feeling right now and so can many people on this site. I have had neurological  symptoms on and off for nine years and it has been horrible. Like you, I have been tested quite extensively with no cause being found.  Yesterday I went for my fourth visit to a neurologist and have to wait for six weeks for all my test results. It is very depressing to say the least.

In your case you've been given an explanation for the pain in your hands and feet, and this is a good thing.  The rest of your symptoms could definitely be anxiety. Have you read the hundred symptoms of anxiety? If not ,it would probably be a good idea. It is very important to deal with the anxiety portion of what you are feeling.

I really hope that you feel well soon and keep us posted as to how you are doing.
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Offline vardnas

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2014, 01:07:37 PM »
Hi T, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. The first thing I want to say is that I've totally been where you are, and can confidently tell you that you WILL NOT always feel this way. You can get better. I know it.

Couple of questions for you:

You said you quit Xanax on your own volition—you took it for nine months—how large was your dose? Did you do so gradually, or did you go cold turkey? Did your doctor recommend you get off of it? What led up you getting prescribed Xanax anyway?

Stopping and starting any kind of medication can bring with it all kinds of side effects. I was on Xanax for about eight months a few years ago, a 1.5 mg/day dose (fairly small). I tapered the hell out of that thing, and still, for several months later, noticed moderate twitching that took a while to fully subside. So, your twitching could certainly be attributable to that. But it's the same with Paxil and all that stuff—if you start and stop suddenly, you have to expect that your body is going to exhibit some weird side effects. Slowly tapering on and off of these things is your best bet.

Also, I have to (respectfully) refute your assertion that your doctor simply "threw drugs at you" as a way to get you to go away. I think in reality she's more clearly able to see that your main issues are anxiety and depression, which are serious and life-altering, and that proper medication really can help these disorders. Prescribing Paxil for a person who's anxious/depressed is not a brush-off, it's proper medical care. That doesn't mean you have to take them, but she could probably see that you calling into her office every day was not really helping you.

All of these things—the twitching, the perceived weakness, the cramping, the numbness—these are all probably due to your problems in your hands and feet, but can certainly ALL be attributable to anxiety as well, especially long-term, chronic anxiety. That you've stopped working out during all of this surely isn't helping. During my worst times, I developed all kinds of problems that took much longer than my anxiety to subside. Months of being chronically tense led to extremely sore muscles and a lot of pain—pain of course that I attributed to something sinister; pain that, even after I got my anxiety in check, needed months of treatment.

Have you pursued or considered any kind of professional help for your anxiety and depression? It's great that you have a good support system, and that's crucial, but oftentimes these problems are much more serious and require a serious approach to treatment. Repeated medical tests, doctors visits, self-checking, google searches, and reassurance-seeking are, in the long run, counterproductive to your own recovery. There's NO SHAME in struggling with these things. There's also no shame in taking medication, or seeking therapy. NONE. You don't need to muster up the willpower to get better, or "just get over it." These are debilitating conditions that sometimes need months of treatment, but you owe it to yourself and your family to take the time and the effort to get better. If your friends judge you for it, they're no real friends.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline rileybug

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2014, 04:56:54 PM »
Great Post-I think all us health peeps are very fearful of death and leaving those we love.
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Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2014, 08:46:35 PM »
All sorry I haven't been around,,, I'm not doin well... My "symptoms" jump day to day limb to limb it's stupid and it's gotta be mostly mental.

Legs felt weak today but this weekend when I went out for some drinks and singing wi friends I felt just fine.... Next day was awful though.

I've been taking tramadol and it went from helping wi pain and mentally but now I'm getting tremor and stuff.

Lord, when I sleep, I jerk and have anxiety I dream about not being able to walk and how I'm developing ALS.

It's a spiral, I believe of fear, anxiety, manifestation of symptoms and the circle and so forth....

I'll reply to each post because I appreciate all the care and time people took to respond.

Greend.... Thank you so much for replying and caring, and yeah... Anxiety can bring on a rash of horrible sx... The dumbest thing is I never even needed xanax except it helped me sleep when I was involved in my custody battle (which I won) but I was on it for 9 months and started to get inter-dose dependence... When I got off I think I gave myself benzo withdrawal syndrome because I cold turkeyed from 1mg-1.5mg/day

I'm like scared to work out... I need to grow a pair and stop doubting my docs and start having faith in myself and my body and regain control of my life.... Before I look back, don't have als or a life , my kid grown up and I'm 70 lol
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Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2014, 09:09:46 PM »
Hi T, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. The first thing I want to say is that I've totally been where you are, and can confidently tell you that you WILL NOT always feel this way. You can get better. I know it.

Couple of questions for you:

You said you quit Xanax on your own volition—you took it for nine months—how large was your dose? Did you do so gradually, or did you go cold turkey? Did your doctor recommend you get off of it? What led up you getting prescribed Xanax anyway?

Stopping and starting any kind of medication can bring with it all kinds of side effects. I was on Xanax for about eight months a few years ago, a 1.5 mg/day dose (fairly small). I tapered the hell out of that thing, and still, for several months later, noticed moderate twitching that took a while to fully subside. So, your twitching could certainly be attributable to that. But it's the same with Paxil and all that stuff—if you start and stop suddenly, you have to expect that your body is going to exhibit some weird side effects. Slowly tapering on and off of these things is your best bet.

Also, I have to (respectfully) refute your assertion that your doctor simply "threw drugs at you" as a way to get you to go away. I think in reality she's more clearly able to see that your main issues are anxiety and depression, which are serious and life-altering, and that proper medication really can help these disorders. Prescribing Paxil for a person who's anxious/depressed is not a brush-off, it's proper medical care. That doesn't mean you have to take them, but she could probably see that you calling into her office every day was not really helping you.

All of these things—the twitching, the perceived weakness, the cramping, the numbness—these are all probably due to your problems in your hands and feet, but can certainly ALL be attributable to anxiety as well, especially long-term, chronic anxiety. That you've stopped working out during all of this surely isn't helping. During my worst times, I developed all kinds of problems that took much longer than my anxiety to subside. Months of being chronically tense led to extremely sore muscles and a lot of pain—pain of course that I attributed to something sinister; pain that, even after I got my anxiety in check, needed months of treatment.

Have you pursued or considered any kind of professional help for your anxiety and depression? It's great that you have a good support system, and that's crucial, but oftentimes these problems are much more serious and require a serious approach to treatment. Repeated medical tests, doctors visits, self-checking, google searches, and reassurance-seeking are, in the long run, counterproductive to your own recovery. There's NO SHAME in struggling with these things. There's also no shame in taking medication, or seeking therapy. NONE. You don't need to muster up the willpower to get better, or "just get over it." These are debilitating conditions that sometimes need months of treatment, but you owe it to yourself and your family to take the time and the effort to get better. If your friends judge you for it, they're no real friends.

Wow, you're awesome! A mix of caring and tough love with some brutal honesty! So appreciated brother!

I was on 9 months at about 1-1.5 mg a day and I did not taper, I cold turkeyed because I felt like it was draining me and turning me into a zombie... I felt it was what was guilty for making me constantly tired and uneasy unless I took a whole mg and only that helped for a cpl hrs. My tolerance was going thru the roof and in between doses I was in a cog fog.

You're probably right about my doctor... I just got butt hurt at being dismissed or that she couldn't fix the problems for me.

I need to get to a therapist and I'd like to do this drug free... I have a history of bad luck with ssris and benzos.... I also have a history of self medicating.  I need to get on yoga and light workouts, stop taking the 10 vitamin supplements I'm on and narrow it down to about 2... Which are also clouding the pic for me... And get in to someone and talk thru this.  My insurance plan actually has good psych care included.

I put so much ***** in my body anymore just to try to feel better, I'm not even sure what I take everyday... I don't mean meds I only take tramadol anymore but I'm going to taper off that here in the next week or two.

I think I'm doing better than when I wrote this... I re-read it and don't feel as bad as that sounded... Must have been a horrible day for me.

Oh the day after a night of drinking is the WORST. But I feel decent having a few drinks when I do it , at the time.

Twitching can and in my case is part of the physical stuff, part of the meds and anxiety and stress can trigger bfs/cramp syndrome.

Thanks for the time and by all means don't be a stranger, you helped a lot, really... Just reading ur post kicked ass for me! Thanks a bunch!

Todd
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Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2014, 09:13:09 PM »
Oh I also think I rekindled my benzo withdrawl because I slipped up and took about 10-15 mg Valium a day for a week or so, then stopped.

What a dipshit I am lol...

Brilliant.

So that probably has something to do with it too....

I'm going to only take b12, ginkgo and valerian and a multi for the next year.... Cocktailing all this random ***** in and out of my body is just plain stupid.

T
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Offline greend

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #8 on: April 30, 2014, 08:42:07 PM »
Don 't worry about your slip up. We are all trying to cope the best we can on this site. How are you doing?
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Offline PainIsAnIllusion

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Re: So anxious and scared! Please help and comment! :-(
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2014, 10:20:02 PM »
Not bad.... I tanned and hit a small workout today... This week has been rough at work... I have physical symptoms that seem to move around , which I don't believe indicates anything too serious? Lol

I'm kidless tonight and instead of going out I'm showering, watching hockey, cleaning the house, havin a few beers and posting on an anxiety website.

Thanks for asking....

How are you doin?  I haven't read about your HA or anxieties.... Link me up and I'll give it a read!

A Canadian huh? Hockey fan?

Have a good night!

Todd
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