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Author Topic: I'd like some opinions.  (Read 937 times)

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Offline Snowy

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2014, 12:34:46 PM »
I think whether or not your asexuality changes in the end is based on your reasons for being such.  I do feel like I was born this way and never made the choice, and that's fine, but I also have reasons to not want it.  I would never want to do anything that could ever get me pregnant, for example.  So that keeps me away too.

I'm sorry she made you feel that way. ):  No one deserves to be treated like that- the subtle little ways of making you feel like *****.  Though she probably wasn't doing it on purpose, I know that can still hurt.  One of my shortest relationships was with a guy who pushed way too hard and tried to make ME feel like the bad guy when he didn't get what he wanted.  Terrible time, cause you never want to disappoint, you know?  But I agree, I'd much rather always be single than have to meet someone and explain why I don't want to have sex and all the other things I have going on.  It's alright if they bail at first, but once they convince you it's fine and you get attached, and then they bail, that's much worse.

Thanks for the luck, too!

(Ah, that's nice of you, thanks!)
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Offline GenSec

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2014, 01:24:31 PM »
I think whether or not your asexuality changes in the end is based on your reasons for being such.  I do feel like I was born this way and never made the choice, and that's fine, but I also have reasons to not want it.  I would never want to do anything that could ever get me pregnant, for example.  So that keeps me away too.


True, very true. :winking0008: Like you I wasn't really given a choice.

One thing me and my ex did have in common was a shared disinterest in having children - which never changed for either of us. That's one thing I do like to be let known early on when getting close to someone. Naturally for most ladies that is something they want one day, so there's no point in letting them get attached to you and only then breaking the news to them. She was actually the first I ever met who didn't want kids.

I realise that it would make my life a whole lot easier if I ended up sharing my life with someone who was asexual and didn't put the pressure on me... but if I end up falling for someone who needs physical intimacy then as I say I am willing to try and make them happy. I wouldn't want to lose them over it. I'm one of these folks who likes to dream that love can overcome anything, lol. :-*

Thanks again,
Gen.
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Offline Snowy

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2014, 03:30:23 PM »
I've also only met one other person that didn't want kids and it was a guy.  All other girls seem to want them but it just doesn't appeal to me.  I kept thinking once I got into my twenties, my opinion on that would change because of motherly instinct or something but I'm 25 now and it's not changing.  If anything, I want them even less!  :laugh3:  I agree, though, that's extremely important in a relationship.

That's a lovely way to feel, so hopeful about love.  I used to be like that.  My first, and only real love, claimed to also be asexual, but (as you know from reading my other thread), he discovered he was gay after a while.  That's so heartbreaking for people like us, who think they finally found that rare person and then circumstances change.

That's good, though, I mean you can't help who you end up falling for, really.
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Offline GenSec

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2014, 04:34:33 PM »
I've also only met one other person that didn't want kids and it was a guy.  All other girls seem to want them but it just doesn't appeal to me.  I kept thinking once I got into my twenties, my opinion on that would change because of motherly instinct or something but I'm 25 now and it's not changing.  If anything, I want them even less!  :laugh3:  I agree, though, that's extremely important in a relationship.

That's a lovely way to feel, so hopeful about love.  I used to be like that.  My first, and only real love, claimed to also be asexual, but (as you know from reading my other thread), he discovered he was gay after a while.  That's so heartbreaking for people like us, who think they finally found that rare person and then circumstances change.

That's good, though, I mean you can't help who you end up falling for, really.

Kids aren't my idea of heaven either, haha! :laugh3: The way I see it is, there are no shortage of humans on the planet... does it really matter if some of us choose not to have them? After all, its much worse to bring kids into this world when you really don't want to make the necessary commitment to them rather than choose to be responsible and live in the way that's best for you. :winking0008: My sister is almost 40 and never wanted kids. She's happy enough with life and doesn't regret her choice.

I'm sorry that your only real love turned to disappointment. You say on your thread that the pair of you remain friends, but it must still continue to hurt you even now. Four years is a significant time in your life to give to someone you love. One wise member here once told me that losing someone we love is almost like a death... we mourn their loss. In fact, in some respects its harder than a death because the person is still here; they're merely no longer in our lives. I can understand why you say you "used" to feel like me regarding love. Sometimes I turn into a cynic too since my breakup last year. The only person I've ever felt moved to step outside of my comfort zone  for is gone and I'm still finding it upsetting some days. Its hard to let go of the memories you made together, the shared moments. Circumstances may change but those memories don't. Its hard to accept they were all ultimately for nothing and will never come about again.

Anyway, enough before I start blubbering again! :laugh:

Thank you again,
Gen.

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Offline Snowy

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2014, 04:50:58 PM »
Haha, exactly!  There are plenty of people here already, no need to contribute another one.  I prefer creating fictional people. ;D  Definitely, though, about being sure you want them.  I quite dislike it when people have kids in order to have something to show off like a pony or something.

I don't know, it doesn't really hurt that much now.  I'm disappointed by it, but it's more the loss of the friendship.  We're on fine terms and speak every now and then but it's nothing like before.  He was my best friend too, so I think that hurts more than the other.  All of it seems like a world away, though, because while it wasn't THAT long ago, so much has happened since then.
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Offline GenSec

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2014, 08:07:31 PM »
Its funny how despite this being the 21st century and residing in some of the freest societies in the world, so many people feel the need to be “normal” or “successful” by having offspring. ::) How so many women feel the pressure to do so by a certain stage of their lives. It should be a choice, pure and simple. Not a fashion statement. Nor a reflection on us. People who get so worked up over childless women/couples... seriously, don't they have enough to worry about in their own lives nowadays? :laugh3:

You prefer writing people into existence? :winking0008: Although I’m not that gifted imagination-wise my ex was a writer who enjoyed creating and developing characters. She used to spend evenings away from me in order to pursue her writing, it was important to her. Although not a writer myself, it’s a great creative outlet for some people which I can appreciate becomes very important to them. It seems to be a great method of self-expression.

It sounds like it’s the companionship you miss with your ex. For me, I always like to think of a relationship as having someone there to share your life with, someone you're comfortable enough with to spend your days with whether they be happy or whether they be not so great, to give support to them and be supported in return as a team. The pair of you dealing with life together. A bond you share which you work on throughout the relationship to strengthen, to deepen. Nowadays I don’t think that aspect is given as much importance as it used to.
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Offline Snowy

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #16 on: April 19, 2014, 08:15:00 PM »
A fashion statement, that's a good one.  True, though.

A very good outlet.  That's how I dealt with things when it began; with a short story, making it into a comedy.  Because honestly, it was pretty easy to turn it into a comedy and laugh at it but I guess my "laugher" is broken now.

It's definitely not.  I think a lot of people are just in a hurry because they don't want to end up alone, so they pick someone too early.  A lot of the people I graduated with were married within the year and I really wonder how many are divorced by now.  I'm not saying it can't happen but I don't think a majority of them were ready for that.  I knew some of them pretty well.  I think a lot of that went like "well, my BFF got married so now we should too".
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Offline GenSec

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #17 on: April 20, 2014, 04:03:19 PM »
Well, I certainly hope your laughter is restored to what it once was soon. :sad0126:

Its not surprising that divorce is so high nowadays based on what you say regarding those who graduated with you... if marriage is to be a lifetime commitment, then its not something that should ever be rushed! :happy0062: Taking your time to make sure you get it right, that you're sharing your life with the One that's for you, is its own reward for all the patience and hard effort.

I don't think marriage carries the same weight, importance or meaning for people as it once did. Its easy to get into and even easier to get out of. In that sense, I do agree with the elderly! To a certain extent even marriage has become something of a fashion statement; particularly amongst the attention seeking amongst the rich and famous. Some of the wedding ceremonies are just crass stage theatre. Not what I'd want immortalised on video and photograph to remind me of the happiest day of my life! :laugh3:

Regards,
Gen.

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Offline Snowy

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #18 on: April 20, 2014, 04:17:17 PM »
I agree, since hopefully I'll only be getting married once, if I do!  In school, I had VERY few friends with married parents.  I was one of the rare.  Mine were married once and have been together since, not looking to change.  My aunt and uncle are the same, and my grandmother would be too if her husband hadn't passed away.  She never re-married.  I think a lot of how you look at love is how you see your parents acting.  I've had a pretty good influence on everything, thankfully.
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Offline GenSec

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Re: I'd like some opinions.
« Reply #19 on: April 20, 2014, 06:15:09 PM »
My parents were never married neither, although they were together a long time. In a way I'm relieved they never married, as my father was pretty abusive and despite being his only child he never wanted me. My parents finally split when I was 14, after which time he had little to do with me except when he'd show an interest in making up with me, only for me to discover that it was only ever to try and get influence over my mother (whom he regarded almost as his property). I haven't seen him in years... in fact, I wouldn't even know if he was alive or dead. The decision to cut contact was mine, I'd had enough of him and his mind games. He became pretty weird too, something I wasn't comfortable with. Since then my life became a lot more pleasant!

My grandparents were both married; both happily. I spent a lot of time being brought up by my grandparents, it was a nice stable environment. My mother loved me greatly but with bipolar issues she wasn't always able to cope well. Despite that she did her best, and did remarkably well. :winking0008:





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